Jacked Up Trucks and Baseball Hats

Have y'all noticed that some really cute boys drive some really handsome trucks? I mean the really cool, jack up pick-up trucks with massive tires and CB antennas. They are so cool! The cute boys driving these real cool trucks also have some unique, but super attrative outfit choices. I'm talkin' baseball cap (camo or not), Carhartt jackets, muddy boots, Wranglers/Levi's and they typically sport some nice strong arms with beautiful veins.

I have found myself seeing trucks, of any sort, and straining my neck to see who was driving. A lot of the time there are guys who are considerably older than me and likely married. However, sometimes there are some real cuties cruisin' in them lifted trucks. When did this ever start? I should not be risking eye contact with the driver or a possible automobile crash just to attempt to peak at who's behind the wheel!

It's sad guys. I just want to have some cute boy think I'm cute, who loves Yeshua (Jesus) and wants to let me go muddin' with him and his friends and maybe he'll let me drive his truck (in a safe place, like a parking lot). I know, however, that G-d will let me find who I need at the right time. Until then, I need to find a way to get these country boys off my mind...

Let me tell you, studying is not helping AT ALL!!!

Want to view my Pinterest life?

I am on Pinterest, as most of you know, and now you can see my fantasy life! I have posts about nursing school, funny memes, different ideas for my wedding, date ideas, and a few other things that have sparked my interest. Take a look if you're into browsing other people's lives, I give you permission to Pinterest stalk me. :)

I Promised But...

Y'all, I promised I would try to not talk about boys so much because I pretty much rant and rave about the same things time and time again but goodness! These boys are driving me insane. My country boy doesn't text me for 2-3 weeks and I am finally over him and I'm not thinking about him so much. Then, I'm sittin' in micro just minding my business, and guess who I get a text from. Ya, that's right, it's country boy. The first thing that went through my head was anger. A few angry words, nothing too inappropriate, but nothing worth repeating. Then a glimmer of desire for a boyfriend swept through my consciousness. I quickly crashed to earth from my ridiculous dreams when I realized I was wasting my time.

What are these jokers thinking? You don't talk to me for weeks and then text me up out of the blue?

This brings me to a confession I really need to get off my chest. I am suddenly craving a boyfriend. This is really annoying. I can't even express how frustrating this is because I still cannot figure out how to control my thoughts...

Daily Thanksgiving: I made it through the day without freaking out at anyone and I am over country boy! It has been tested and I am very close to being certain that I am over him and the ideals I made up about him. Also, I didn't fall asleep during micro... I was very close to crashing but G-d allowed me to survive!

That was pretty much the extent of my day. How are you doing?

Still No Internet

Hey folks, I was hoping to have internet Friday, but that didn't happen so I am still using my phone to update this. I am so sorry and I have so much to tell you guys. So, let's hope it gets up and running Monday. It's been a long time since I have had internet and I am nearly dying without it.

Stay tuned for:

My rant about boys...

My future blinddate...

A description of my new apartment...

I keep having dreams about being pregnant and about boys...

Random people keep asking me if I'm dating, including residents!...

And anything else that may be on my mind once I get the silly internet modem and get it hooked up.




If you guys are curious about the HESI, nursing school admissions, my life, my views, etc., just email me or put your question as a comment to this post. I will answer to the best of my ability!

I apologize for any excessive mistakes, it's tough to blog on a phone!

Semi-successful Day

All I've done today is study, from 10 a.m. on. Of course, I had minor breaks to eat, stretch, take a nap... and various other things that may have caught my attention at one point or another. But, for the most part, I studied. I really need a high A on my chem test and I can go as low as a C on my psych test tomorrow, but I would like to get higher of course. Unfortunately, it's a beautiful day outside and I am wasting it sitting in my room, relearning all the material needed for finals. Hopefully this will be enough studying, but currently, I'm not so sure that it will be.

It's days like this when I wish I could just clean and pack my dorm room instead. I'd rather be doing almost anything but studying because it's soooooo boring! L-rd willing, this week will go by quickly and successfully and I will get good grades. Then, I can go home and enjoy a week with no classes, no work, and the celebration of my baby brother's graduation from high school. I can't believe I missed most of his senior year because I was busy with my freshman year of college and lived an hour away from him. It's just so weird that we are both almost full-fledged adults (he doesn't turn 18 until the end of August). Thinking on it won't let it be untrue though, so I might as well just suck it up and accept that we can no longer be children, now we have to navigate life on our own. But, I'm pretty excited that he's thinking of coming down to my university for school and he might even get an apartment with me!

Daily Thanksgiving: Today is almost done, which means tomorrow's tests are almost done. That all means that summer is nearly here! I am thankful for the amount of studying that G-d has allowed me to complete today, because I have actually been very productive considering my normal study habits. Also, I am grateful that G-d put in my head to take off from work today, because I would have had much less studying actually completed by now. Instead, I was able to go slow, take my time, relax, and truly learn the material (or so I hope).

Heavy Heart

Have there been a lot of deaths recently for you too? For some reason there have been 3 students that have passed away in the past two weeks at college and several residents from work have passed away. I don't understand this. Plus, my great-grandpa died a few weeks ago as well, but I didn't get to go to the funeral because I wasn't really invited. That's a complicated story though.

Let's just delve into the basics. We don't talk to my mom's side of the family because her mom abused her. When my brother and I were born, my mom tried to take us over to see her parents so that we would know them, but my grandma just ended up yelling at my brother and I when we were about 3 and 4 years old. So, long story short, my mom hasn't actively taken us to see them because it's not worth it to get abused by my grandma. I still love her and I still love my grandpa (her husband). Now, it was her father who passed, and I had only met him a handful of times, so while I'm sad that he passed away without me being able to better get to know him, I have peace because he did not treat my mom right or his wife right (when she was alive). I'm sad that I was not able to show him more of the love of Yeshua. One of the last times I saw him was at my cousins graduation party and he came over and sat at the table I was sitting at. Since it was just him and me at the table, he asked if I knew who he was. I said that I didn't because I did not know his name, but I did know that he was my great-grandpa. This upset him pretty bad and he called over my great-aunt and they both gave me a 15-20 minute lecture about how I am supposed to know who my family is and so on. Even though I was hurt because I had gotten yelled at (I was 12 or 13 at the time), I still love(d) him. Funny thing is though, it's not the kid's responsibility to keep in tough with grandparents and great-grandparents when they are still kids. I couldn't drive to go see him and it was not my responsibility to go on a great quest to find out where he lived or to get his phone number in order to contact him first, I was a child. It's a bummer that he didn't reach out to me, because I like getting to know my family because they are kin and I don't have a whole lot of blood relatives that my family talks to because both of my parents were abused as children. Regardless, G-d puts pseudo family into my life, always. I have the largest family now because of all of my "adopted" aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and siblings.  I wouldn't trade the relationships I have with them, or the love that we all share because we chose each other, for anything. I know that G-d has allowed me to be blessed with so many amazing, supportive, down-to-earth people who choose to be in my family instead of feeling stuck with me. Also, they don't manipulate, yell, or otherwise harm me, which is still not something I'm used to and my parents don't abuse my brother or I. Still, I have had many, many, many unhealthy, abusive and manipulative friendships that have seriously scarred me. G-d brings me through every time and He is teaching me who to trust, how to trust and how much to trust certain people with. He is teaching me boundaries and forgiveness, but these are brutal lessons to learn.

Daily Thanksgiving: Work went well today, I got to work with one of my favorite CNA's today and work went by really fast. Two more weeks of school and they are going to fly by because I am too busy to even be able to breathe, let alone pee or eat. G-d heals broken hearts and heals scars. His mercies never end and His love is unfailing. I am not alone, even though I often feel alone.

Short and Sweet

Folks, I'm going to keep this short and sweet and just do my daily thanksgivings in this post.

Daily Thanksgiving: I am alive. I'm passing my classes with at least a B. I got to talk to my parents (and have a little cry, but don't worry about that). G-d's allowing me to have fun and He is also teaching me a lot about others and even more about myself. I am so very thankful for the ability and opportunity to go to college and have it be so close to home. I am the daughter of THE King, THE Creator, and THE One TRUE G-d (all names for the same G-d). He protects me and loves me despite my foolishness and He forgives me for my many shortcomings when I ask for forgiveness. He loves me enough to discipline me and also He loves me enough to let me make mistakes that He fixes in the end. He holds my heart. He holds my past, present, and future and He will never leave me, nor will He forsake me. He is my G-d, my Abba (Father), and I am not worthy of His love or grace or provisions.

Bad Driver, That's Me...

There is a good chance that you have heard that women are terrible drivers. This is not completely true and it is not a complete lie. When my friend and I went apartment shopping, I was the designated driver, and it was not a great experience for her, as I have recently been informed of, in front of a huge group of my friends. I was the butt of nearly 10 minutes worth of jokes, but I just laughed along. They were pretty funny, and somewhat true, but that doesn't mean they didn't hurt just a little and I was embarrassed. Now, I can refuse to drive people, because I'm a bad driver...

Just to give you an idea of how bad, let's review the points she brought up, and a couple she failed to mention:

1. I almost ran a stop sign. (I was looking at apartment complexes and just missed the little red sign. Fortunately, she pointed it out and I stopped with no problem.)
2. According to her, I ran into a little column that sticks out in random parking spaces in our university's parking garage. (My story: I did not run into it, I tapped it, with my car, because I was not sure how long my car was, but it was a minor tap!)
3. She failed to mention that I slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light even though she told me to just go through it.
4. Also, I drive a stick shift, and I am not a smooth shifter (she didn't say this).

So, clearly I am a terrible driver. I am actually aware that I am not a good driver, it just sucks to be made fun of in front of all my friends... But hey, it's cool, whatever. I get made fun of for lots of stuff. Then I change the behavior or practice, then I'm not so bad. I guess, this will have to be one of those times where I just practice and get better so that I cannot be mocked anymore. Even though it stings, I think this may be beneficial, because at least someone is honest with me so that I can make others more comfortable.


Also, I have noticed that I do the "..." thing a lot. I really am fond of it and I would put it in a lot more, but I figure I overuse it. How can you not though? It's like one of my favorite things!

Summer

Guys, I cannot wait until summer. My former roommate, also my future roommate, and I went apartment hunting today. We found so many great options! Now, we just have to narrow down our list to a top few for different scenarios (if we can get more people or if it will just be us). Then it's time to call, reserve places, and start saving up for our deposit. This is so scary but so exciting! I will have a place of my own, bills of my own, and a job and a car of my own. The last two I already had, but that whole list is basically what being an adult is about, paying for stuff. Stuff we could live without, but our society tells us we need it to survive in this culture, so, unfortunately, we buy into it. Oh well, it is what it is and I am almost an adolescent adult... That's the next step from baby adult, which I still am. And yes, I am making all of these titles and steps up. It's just part of how I view life. Dude, one of the next big steps is getting hitched... after college of coarse, but still that's so scary to think about. Then kids and so on.

I have to stop freaking myself out and just take one day at a time.

In other news, I got new dresses today. Have you ever been to Plato's Closet? It's like a consignment place but they have the cutest stuff for super cheap. So I bought three dresses and though y'all should know about it because I'm pretty pumped for summer.


Daily Thanksgiving: G-d allowed us to see our top apartment picks and they are even better in person. We found even more options in a nicer part of town! I have loads of friends and I am super excited about my roommate(s) next year because I love all of them. My parents are going to let me use some of their furniture that they don't use anymore and it's really nice. I am moving out and while it's scary, I know G-d is providing a way for me to grow and mature and rely on Him. I got new dresses that are modest and they were cheap! That doesn't seem to happen anymore, either one of them. I have Fridays off and also I got to go to chick fil a today. Today was an awesome day. Also, G-d kept me safe while driving because I was side-tracked and people drive nuts!!!

Well, That's Embarassing!

I apologize for yet another post about this pre-relationship thing going on, but it's consuming all of my thinking and I have to let it out and "talk" it out because I have three tests coming up that I cannot focus enough to study for.

So my guy friend told his roommate and my close friend. We are calling the Roommate B and my close girl friend Z. For the sake of easier writing, my guy friend will be P. Are we good? Anyway, so P told B and Z, without my knowledge, about our talk and confessions yesterday. This apparently made for some knowing looks and giggles because I say stupid things. We were talking about just random stuff, like sleeping, and I waited for a few other people to finish up their talking then decided that I should contribute to the conversation. BIG MISTAKE! B and Z exchanged knowing glances and smiled, likely giggling quietly to themselves at my foolish choice of speaking times. How embarrassing! I didn't even mean it the way they took it, but that's the price of talking about "feelings"... I think I better go lie down before I stress myself out too much over all the stupid things I'm fixin' to say. I had also better figure out how to go back to not talking... EVER. I used to never talk, I don't know what happened to me.

Today went well though. I can't pay attention during class, but I actually got to sleep in a little bit today so that was nice. I also studied for another hour and a half with a good friend who is in all of my classes. She is so awesome and chill and I am so glad G-d brought her into my life.

Daily Thanksgiving: I didn't say anything stupider than what I did at breakfast. Also, now I know who to watch what I say around because I guarantee I am going to be at the butt of a huge amount of jokes. It's cool though, I've been at the butt of jokes most of my life... (That wasn't supposed to sound like self-pity or sad, it's just a funny fact about yours truly.) I have studied quite a bit and I know most of the models that will be on my test. After this week, I only have to worry about finals and the HESI, but I will get a slight break before madness descends on my life, a very short break. Guys, Monday is done and G-d allowed me to survive!!! He will get me through this life. Everything threatens to break me, but I know that He will allow me to survive as long as He sees fit, then I get to go home and not worry about being so foolish, awkward and ridiculously bad at being around anything/anyone but rocks. I like rocks, except for when they decide to attack me, which actually happens a lot... Probably because I talk to them too much...

See!?! My brain does not work right now and I have to study!!!!!!!!!!!

Uneventful Day

Truly, today was uneventful. I had a quiz in chem that I got a C on, which I am not happy about. Then, psych was funny, but it doesn't seem like it was overly difficult or stressful. Also, I worked out again today! When I "workout" I really just mean I walked on the treadmill for awhile. Today it was 30 minutes and I walked close to 45 minutes Monday. Hopefully these short periods of exercise help or do something good for me.

I have been super distracted lately and not able to keep much focus on anything. I really need to buckle down and start working harder because I already have B's in 2 of my 4 classes and that is so NOT okay. I have A's in the other two so far, but I need to work and keep them A's. These bad grades that I have been getting are so discouraging. I know that I am not working hard enough or smart enough, but once I get into a hole with bad grades, it seems impossible to get out of it to raise my grades again. Thus, starting an ugly cycle of worse and worse grades.

Daily Thanksgiving: Psych was hilarious, chem was kinda easy, I didn't fail my quiz, I hung out a lot with my friends, and I worked out! Though I had some stuff that was weighing heavy on my mind, it seems like today was a good day overall.

By the way, today, I told one of my friends that my birthday was yesterday... the story remains to be continued. We will see if he keeps his promise of not telling anyone about it.

Also, I am starting to think that this dating thing may not be such a difficult thing to do. It's just a lot of talking and hanging out, getting to know each other, right? Maybe some hugs, or kisses (but not for me in my relationships). Perhaps some crisis, meeting the parents and other life events. But for the most part, it seems like a friendship that is more exclusive and it is acceptable to be a pair of people with secrets together and a mutual understanding of what each other think and believe. There is a good chance I am getting this totally wrong, but from my observations, that is a simplistic idea of what dating is. Guys, I really need some input as to what is going on!!!