Not much happenin'

I bought Pitch Perfect. If you haven't seen it, definitely consider watching it because I find it hilarious! Especially the really quiet girl because she always says the funniest things. My favorite is when she says, "I set fires to feel joy," to a boy and he says, "that's adorable!" I love that part because I like fire and everyone always looks at me weird when I say that. I like controlled fires and not destructive fire so candles and bonfires.

Unfortunately, there is a love story tied into the main storyline... The guy is pretty darn cute and the girl that he is diggin' is really pretty and she looks just like one of my friends. In fact, she likes music and works in the radio station just like my friend! It's wild.

Last night my parents called to talk to my brother and I. For some reason, I found myself confessing to my mom that I need more friends, hopefully people that are more like me yet not in the nursing program. Before that confession, I didn't even really realize that I needed more friends. However, I was home, on a Friday night, by 7:45 p.m. Guys, I'm doing college wrong because I don't even get invited out and I have no one to invite out so that we can do things together. My mom told me to go join a club or two. 1) I'm pretty lame for being a sophomore and having to ask my mom how to make friends... 2) I don't have the time between two jobs, time that I try to study, and class times. 3) I don't really have any skills, talents, or real hobbies that have been turned into clubs. So, that's cool. Any ideas?

Daily Thanksgiving: I got to go to church today and we had baptisms! I work tomorrow and next week Sunday and then I have the chance to not sign up for more shifts so I can take a break from that job because I dread going into work now. My friend suggested a new way to study for pharm that may very well help me! I really hope that it helps me because I do not want to flunk out of nursing school, nor do I want to have to take this class again because that would be highly unfortunate. My hair is curly! It's always been kinda curly, but it's a weird curl. Recently, I found Herbal Essence's curling moose and gel. Ya, it works. I love my curly hair and I've gotten so many compliments. I finally purchased Pitch Perfect. I'm able to hear from G-d again.  I was walking away from Him, which is probably what was causing much of my depression, because He has always been my go-to. Over the past few months, I've become more dependent on myself instead of relying on Him and so I lost His voice (usually consisting of Him bringing up topics in my life and giving me scriptures that allow me to "see" what He wants me to know from Him.) So, I've recently gotten His voice back, slowly but surely. I keep getting verses that are concerning, but L-rd willing, He will reveal what He means so that I'm not here freaking out. I'm really hoping that it isn't bad like it seems like they are...

Meanwhile, boys are becoming more attractive and I'm becoming increasingly concerned. Girls, I don't know how you handle this because I'm getting more and more distracted and I find myself daydreaming and glimpsing at cute guys all day. Is it because I'm surrounded by girls constantly? Is it because my brain is finally maturing to the level that everyone else my age is already at?

Guys, I have been studying you for sometime. Recently, this question popped into my head: What makes you like a girl in the first place? It seems like many guys go after girls that are pretty and typically at their "level" of attractiveness. After they find a pretty girl, then they start to pursue her and get to know her. Sometimes they go after friends but that seems to happen after they have been rejected by several other girls that they have unsuccessfully tried to pursue. Can any guys out there explain some of this to me? If you are willing to enlighten me on this matter, you can private message/email me and I would so appreciate it!

Better Ending

I had two tests this week: Pharmacology and my Pharm Math midterm.

Pharm: 70% Not great but G-d gave me a better score than I was expecting. I need to bring my average up though to an average above 74% for all tests otherwise I fail the class.

Pharm Math: 82%. This is terrible! It was all easy math and some simple conversion. I labeled my answers when they weren't pre-labeled and I showed all my work. I don't know how I got a B- but I probably just made a bunch of dumb mistakes. Nursing school always catches me off-guard.


I went home to see my parents this weekend. It was really nice to eat a Shabbat dinner with them and we talked for hours! It's amazing how much changes in a month and a half when I am not there to hear about it every night.

I emailed my bosses at my current nursing home job about possibly transferring to the hospital as a CNA. I just got an amazing recommendation letter from one of them and it made me feel really good. Hopefully G-d provides me with a new job that pays better and at a place where I can learn more about actual nursing instead of just the CNA side of it. We'll see.

Pinterest has currently caught most of my attention. Presently I am planning for all sorts of fun things like my perfect dates, cute outfits and make-up for said dates, adorable hairstyles, and my wedding. This is not a good idea. Between Pinterest and country music, I can tell that I am going to bottom out really bad soon. I even started watching love stories because I hope that it will be me. This is completely irrational because love stories are totally made up and that kind of stuff doesn't happen to girls like me. Still, I am finding it difficult to stay away from these things so that I can focus on school and real life. I just want a cowboy boyfriend that has all 573 characteristics that I have written down to love me, and start dating me right now, and then marry me after we're both finished with college. Is that too much to ask? I'm pretty sure my plan is not G-d's plan, but I keep asking Him for it anyway... His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways are higher than my ways. He has a plan for my life which may or may not include a beau or husband, but my sinful heart is desiring a boy. How foolish is that?! Is it just me or do others of you have these kind of silly desires that don't seem to match what G-d wants for you but you can't let go of them? If you can let go of them, how do you?

I need some seriously professional help.

Good news: My Mocha latte is kicking in and I hope to get some homework/studying done today!

Bad news: The guy made it wrong because I asked for it to be made with soy but he used whole milk... I'm lactose intolerant... Boy, I wish my body made the right enzymes so that I can eat the Italian and French food that I'm always craving. My grandparents are Cajun, Italian, French, and a few other things, but most of our bloodlines come from places that use a lot of dairy products. My family is all pretty much okay with everything, except for me. I can't seem to eat anything anymore. h well, it's a good motivator to eat salads, plain chicken, and generally healthy food. Throw in some Chick-fil-a every once in a while and I am set.

Daily Thanksgiving: I got to go home. I got to see my puppy and my parents. My mother is a fantastic Italian cook and we got so much good food! G-d got us back to our apartment safely despite the crazy drivers, ridiculous amount of construction, and general crazy driving skills I possess. I'm learning how to do my make-up (normally I wear 0 make-up or just cover up when my face is breaking out) and I feel a little bit pretty even though beauty "comes from the inside". I believe that it does, but it's so cliche and sometimes it's good to feel pretty on the outside too. My grades are somewhat decent. I have a clean room! (This makes my brother happier than it makes me, but it's good to have a happy roommate.)
 
Off to do some school work. Have a good rest of your weekend!

Job Hunt

I've been looking for another job, hopefully in a hospital, but I'm not getting any bites yet. I would really like to work somewhere that would pay me more and where I could get some experience in the hospital. Unfortunately, I went for an interview 2 weeks ago and they still haven't called me back. On the bright side, positions in the NICU opened up! The job would be a unit secretary of the unit and so I have applied for that position like 6 times, no joke! I just want to do something else besides working in a nursing home. I absolutely love my patients, but I'm burn out at this place. I don't make much but they require us to do so many extra little things since our residents have such severe behaviors. I want the residents to be safe and to be as comfortable and engaged as possible, but the administrators change so frequently that they don't necessarily know what is really going on with the residents.

I suppose I am largely to blame for getting burnt out. Trying to work 50+ hours a week on top of taking microbiology in a condensed, intense course was not a wise choice. Maybe when I get my two weeks of summer in between my week-long course and my actual fall nursing classes I can work a 3-4 doubles and then take the rest of the time off to go camping, swimming, fishing, muddin', etc. For some reason I keep thinking that this summer wouldn't have been so bad if I could have just worked and not had the stress of school, but I would have been burnt out still working so much. A major positive, however, is that I have made loads of friends at work and I am getting way faster at toileting, feeding, bathing, dressing, vitals, and everything else a CNA does! So, being so exhausted is not completely a terrible thing because I don't feel so lost anymore and work is now just work instead of being this awful beast that I dreaded with all of my being.

I got a 88% on my last test in micro too! I can't remember if I had already told you about that or not yet, so here it is. I cut down on my hours and actually studied for this last test and G-d gave me an amazing grade. Plus, I finally got a textbook so I can finally study for the course instead of guessing... I would have been making much better grades if I would have had the book the whole time, but you life and learn I suppose.

Daily Thanksgiving: I got to go swimming with my friend and we had a nice afternoon hanging out. I got a really good grade and I'm getting somewhere around a B in micro. G-d provided me with a great apartment that I am loving more and more each day. I got to see my brother yesterday and he got a job down here so he should be coming back down to stay here shortly! My boys (my guy friends from school) are moving in to the complex (the same apartment complex as me) at the end of this month. That means that I will have all of my boys to protect me and I can protect them, once I get my shotgun... Anywho, I have to go to work tomorrow, but then I have the rest of the week off until Thursday and I hope to get a lot accomplished on my days off but I also pray that the days I go to work will be nonstressful, good, calm, easy days. I have friends at work!

Good News

Y'all, I have some good news... I got an 86% on my chem test and I did not fail it! Bad news is I will probably only be able to pass the class with a B and not an A, but I didn't fail my test and I will, L-rd willing, pass this class.

I am so ready to be done with school, it's exhausting being stressed out all the time! On the bright side, I was so frustrated with school, life, and my poor life-decisions that I decided to go to the gym. That lead to an hour and a half on the treadmill. Now, I still only walk, I didn't run today or do the elliptical, but I'm getting better every time I go to the gym. I just have to tackle the elliptical and then the stair stepper, then I should be on track to continue working out.

Tomorrow I get to go home to celebrate my parents 19th wedding anniversary. They got married a few weeks after I was born which is why their anniversary is so close to my birthday and also why there is a similarity in the numbers... But they have stayed together for a long time, especially for people who hardly knew each other when they got married. That's the funny thing about life though, you never really know anyone, plus they are always changing anyway so you will never fully know anyone.

Guys, did you watch Duck Dynasty? Tonight's season finale was hilarious! I love that show so much! These guys remind me of my dad's friends, and the parties they used to throw, and me hanging out with their sons, getting into mischief. I was just another one of the guys, but a girl... We had a blast though. Anyway, watch the show and laugh a lot because it releases endorphins or something and cuts down on stress hormones. I feel better from my tough week. Only a little better, but it's better all the same.


Daily Thanksgiving: I got a B on my chem test so I didn't fail it. I got to watch Duck Dynasty. My tests are over, until finals week. I got a few opportunities to house sit this summer, down close the the community college I'm going to for micro so I can save on rent. I made my back-up schedule for next fall. G-d is allowing me to get good grades. While they may not be the A's I'm hoping for, He is still providing for me to get good grades even though I have not been studying like I should have been. I am very thankful to be a child of the One True G-d and He provides for me in ways I could not even imagine.

My Apologies

I would like to apologize for the following bad news. It seems as though this day may be a tough one to get through, so please bear with me.

1) I didn't get the RA job. This was probably a good thing because G-d would have let me have it if He needed to me to have the job. Likely, it would have been too much on my plate. However, my plans are now shot. I don't know where I'm going to live next year or what to do about paying for school. So that's stressing me out in addition to the second item on my list...

2) Now, don't tell anyone, but it is the anniversary of the evacuation of my mother's uterus. Ya, that's right, it's my birthday. I don't know if I have shared this with you, but I don't like my birthday. The day is fine, I like being born in April, but I don't like the responsibility that the day usually brings. So, I keep it a well-guarded secret. For everyone else who has a birthday today, Happy Birthday. I hope it goes well for you and that you enjoy your day.

3) ... I know there is more, but I can't remember what it is right now, so I will check in later with you guys.

Spring Break!

I should have updated you all yesterday once I got out of lab that I was now on my spring break, but I was hanging out with my friends. So, I am now officially on spring break! To start off the festivities, I stayed up until 1:30 last night watching t.v., but I also did my laundry and hung out with my friend until about 10:30.

I am so excited to go home today, unfortunately I have to stay until at least 2 or so because of my RA interview. I do not like interviews, they make me uncomfortable and stress me out. If I do interviews, I would want it to be at a coffee shop, where we can get a coffee and sit and get to know each other because it seems that people are more themselves when they are not sitting in a chair alone being questioned by a panel of strangers. Anyway, after my interview, I have to wait for my friend to get off work, then we are going to his new house until the traffic subsides a bit. Fridays are awful for traffic from my campus to the city I live in. A typical hour drive turns into a 2-3 hour drive because people won't get out of the fast lane and were not taught how to properly utilize highways. Plus, the highway is mostly a two lane highway (in each direction), when it really needs to be closer to three or four because of the large influx in population. But, it is what it is, and I really enjoy cranking up my radio and jamming out for an 1+ hours.

Not having homework (except for editing and submitting a paper) is so nice! I miss high school because homework had an end to it after just a couple of hours. In college, not so much. No matter how long or how hard you work, there is always more that can be done. Whether it is reading for the next class period, or studying, or writing your papers, or even actual homework, there is never an end.

Daily Thanksgiving: It's spring break and life is nice right now. I loved hanging out with my friend last night and I finally made the move to delete my Facebook account to avoid the awkwardness from my ex-roommates. This is gonna be a good week... once I can get through my interview.

Coffee Date

So I had a "coffee date" with my good friend (who is a girl). At said date, I told her about my guy. She knows the guy, but I didn't tell her who it really is. It is nice to be able to gush about a guy to another girl because she understands me. She also gushed about her crush and we helped each other through. I will tell you, having a crush is really a nuisance. I cannot sleep, I cannot concentrate on my studies, and I cannot focus in class because he is always on my mind. Unfortunately, I am unable to put certain thoughts on hold or push them from my mind.

In other news, I got a 94% on my psych test! Also, spring break is one more day of classes away. Then I have to stay on campus Friday for my RA interview, unfortunately, but it gives me more time to be able to actually relax with my friends. I'm so excited for spring break I can't even tell you!!!

Daily Thanksgiving: I am thankful for coffee dates, amazing friends, Life cereal when the cafeteria food is bad (which is 99.9% of the time), and for my beautiful computer that I get to crank out my English paper on tonight. Ya, the paper is due tomorrow and has to be 6 pages... I have to learn to not procrastinate. Also, I am glad that it is not sunny and nice enough to play outside today because I would likely not write my paper if it was nice enough to play outside.

The Irony

Have you ever had life experiences where all you can think is "that's ironic!"? Most of my life is that way. A while ago a guy I had had a crush on for four or five years started dating a girl that I don't believe liked me much. We were all from the same small little church and it's just weird that of all the people that they could have started dating, they choose each other. Just like it's odd that my best friend, C, from middle school started dating one of my friends after I didn't share in his romantic understanding of our relationship. Now he is married, with a kid, that could have been me... And while I still love him as a very dear friend, I am glad it was not me that he married and I am even more glad he did not break my heart. I also find it slightly ironic that I now live in a town my family has despised all my life because my dad grew up near here. I did not want to come to this town, but now that I am here, it's not so bad. There are plenty of other examples of my life's irony, but I shan't bore you too much today.

In other news, I found an entire section of my university's library devoted to nursing, midwifery, obstetrics and all the stuff I want to do!!! Guys you have no idea how excited I was when I found it. I almost screamed and cried for joy at the sight of those beautiful books explaining the processes of labor and delivery and such like material. Well, not really, but my heart did get happy that my school has this section of books. Now I can go and learn on my own about material way above the actual material I need to know currently.

Spring break is three days away and I have so much I have to do. I have a paper due on thursday, I took my Chem test today and break is going to be spent reading research books for my next paper and studying. Unfortunately, HESI studying will be focused on during my spring break. Then Anatomy, Chem and Psych studying... school never ends. But when I come back there will only be 6 weeks separating me from no longer being a college freshman.

Have any of you heard of/listened to Francesca Battistelli? If you haven't, you should look her up. I love her voice and most of her music is upbeat and about normal, everyday life. It has become my Pandora station of choice during homework, leading to procrastination, but I love her music.

Do you have any fun plans for spring break?

Daily Thanksgiving: I am finished with my chem test, my anatomy tests, my psych test and on Thursday I will be done with my English paper. I am so close to being on spring break I can taste it and I do actually get to spend time with my friends for some of the time. I am so very thankful that I get to go home for spring break because I haven't been home for about a month, which is a very long time for me.

Strange Week

Is anyone else having a bad or - at the very least - strange week? I have been talking to my friends and they all had awful weeks. One friend failed an exam, another one forgot she was supposed to work tonight, and the list goes on. These are not end-of-the-world type events, but they are definitely wreaking  havoc on my friends' emotions and well-being. What is going on here? I have had several days this week were I just wanted to give up and break down all at the same time. Is it just because we have tests coming up and we are all fried from almost a year of school? Does it have to do with the moon or barometer changes? Today, we had gorgeous weather and lots of sunshine. In the time it takes to walk to all of our classes, we should have gotten sufficient vitamin D. Perhaps we have not allowed it to sink in yet. Another possibility of our off week could be the fact that we are all stir crazy and also homesick. With the spring weather coming at us, it seems about time we are completely finished with school and able to be back with our families. Of coarse, we still have two and a half months to go, but hopefully it will go by quickly and smoothly. I need this year to be over soon, but I also need good grades!

Daily Thanksgiving: It occurred to me that I may have forgotten to do my daily thanksgiving a couple days ago, so I will just do a bunch today as usual in hopes of averaging that out. Today, I am thankful for a really smart, and ridiculously funny chem lab partner. I am so very grateful for the new friends I am making and their ability to hold a conversation without me so I can sit back and observe. Dinner was really good, we went to a restaurant on campus and it was such a good choice! I turned in my RA application on time. My mom got her belated birthday card (because I forgot to bring it home last weekend). She said it made her cry, which turns out to be a good thing in this case. The text she sent me telling me about her response to the card, however, made me tear up during anatomy... Hopefully no one was looking at me, but what she said was so kind and something I really needed to hear/read. I am thankful that I do not have class on Friday, nor do I have to work tomorrow. I get an entire day to study! I am grateful for my private room and the peace I now live in all of the time. When I am not experiencing peace, it is because I am allowing my head to get in the way. Do you think that was enough thanksgivings to even any missed days out? I sure hope so.

Also, I would like to challenge you guys, as individuals, to begin thinking of your own daily thanksgivings. Even when I am having a hard day, it helps to not dwell on the negative, but to focus on what went right that day. I would love to read about your thanksgivings no matter how strange or random they are! Feel free to post below, or on any comment really. You could even send it to my email if you would like. Let's share what G-d is doing in our lives and build each other up!

Homesick

For all of you that have ever been away from home, I'm sure you know what homesickness is. It's brutal! I just got back to my dorm today from spending the weekend with my family, but I cannot seem to get over this overwhelming sense of sadness that I am not with them. It seems so strange that I used to live at home all of the time, and now I hardly get to be with my family. I am very blessed that my university is only an hour away, but I still miss my family greatly. I would love to sleep at home all the time, have my mom's cooking and still be getting the same education at this college. Unfortunately, that is just not how it works. This raises the question: How am I supposed to grow up and move out? How am I supposed to get married? Leaving my family seems like I am abandoning them or something. They spend so much of their life caring for me, then I just up and leave? That doesn't seem right. I know they did it, and almost everyone in history has had to do that at some point, but I cannot wrap my head around this. It makes my heart hurt and then brings back my depression for a good few days.

Today, I am so very grateful to have such a loving family. One that I cannot separate myself from. My parents both had abusive families, but Ad-nai has blessed me so greatly with such amazing parents and a great brother (even though he is awfully ornery lately). My parents have supported me all my life, always looking out for what's best for me. (I can't even see what I'm typing right now through this blurry mess. I used to not cry very much, but it seems that between the huge amount of stress I encounter on a daily basis, and my homesickness, all I ever do is call my mom on the edge of tears. This brings another problem because I try to pretend I am not crying in order to avoid worrying her, but I think she knows...) G-d has even blessed me with pseudo extended family. My dad's father passed away when I was young (I had only met him a few times.) But G-d always provides someone else to step into that role. We do not talk at all to my mom's parents, but still I have even more pseudo grandparents. This is true for aunt, uncles, cousins and beyond! Plus, the one biological grandparent we do talk to, my Mema (dad's mom), is absolutely amazing! I could go on and on about her. She is a NICU nurse, so very kind, and I am the spittin' image of her (with brown hair, instead of blonde). I believe family is one of the biggest blessings G-d gives to us, whether they are our family by blood or not.