Inappropriate Laughter

Today in Developmental Psych we had a guest speaker come in to talk to us about elderly people and death because apartently this is the half of the semester for everyone on earth to talk about death.

Anyway, I had been slacking off all class period because I highly dislike that class. The material is fascinating but I cannot track my instructor because she is... well... she's... I don't know how to say it nicely so I'm gonna just not say anything.

Well, after Facebook had been fully explored and I ran out of things to Google, I naturally got onto iFunny. Oh man, I nearly started dying laughing in the middle of a class of 120 listening to a presentation on death and old age. Needless to say I put my iPad away when I could no longer hold in my laughter. I was also mildly slap happy due to lack of sleep and several weeks of feeling down.

Does anyone else slack off in class? It seems like a waste to no go since we pay so much for this education, but I don't pay attention to some classes anyway. Really, what's the difference?

The End of Me

I got a 68% on my Micro test. My professor then adjusted our grades so now I have a 72%, but still! I studied pretty hard for this test but her questions come out of left field. Well, I took the chapter test and the lab practical (I still don't know what I got on the lab practical though). I hope G-d pulls a miracle and gets me an A, but I seriously don't see how that would be possible. I know that G-d could pull a miracle and give me an A if He wanted to though. He parted the sea, brought the dead to life, and did so many things that are not logically possible for us mere humans, so I know that He could change a measily little grade if He wanted to. Truth is, I was such a slacker this semester. Unfortunately my procrastination skills have caught up with me and now I feel stupid because I got 2 D's (now "fixed" to C's in the grade book) in one class. The saddest part is that this is the only class I am taking right now! I should have had time to focus and really learn the material, but did I? No.

So, I am very sad and frustrated with myself. In psychology we learned that when one thing goes wrong, you typically will view more things as going wrong in your life. That is certainly happening with me right now. On top of the stress of me getting bad grades, I am now regretting ever saying that I would go to the movies with country boy. I regret leading the girls at work on by joking with them about my favorite LPN's brother dating me. I regret ruining my relationship with my best friend by telling him I liked him back when he revealed his feelings for me. I regret being so introverted that I push everyone away. I regret ever reading to or responding to my ex-roommates original text from a few days ago. I regret over staying my welcome at my friends house this summer and opening my big fat mouth about one of her secrets in front of the person she was trying to keep the secret from. I regret listening to country music, watching love story shows, and reading romance novels because they all skewed my thoughts from the pure thoughts G-d had kept in my brain. I despise the fact that I want a boyfriend right now. The list goes on for at least another 1749834 paragraphs, but I will spare you the agony of reading about my bad decisions.

Would I change my past? I think I would change some things, but who knows how I would have turned out if I had changed those things? Life is pointless as supported by Ecclesiastes. I love that book! If you haven't read it, read it. It's one of my top 5 favorites of the Bible and it is delightfully cynical and absolutely fantastic! When I first read that book, I couldn't believe that someone so long ago had the same distrust and confusion about the meaning of everything that I did. Of course, logically it makes sense because there is nothing new under the sun. However, I have been called weird by so many people when I tell them what is really going on in my head, it was so nice to have G-d show me that I'm not the biggest freak ever, other people think like me too.

Daily Thanksgiving: I finished my test and I only have 1 test standing in between me and the end of microbiology. I am not a total nutcase who is so completely strange that nobody ever thinks like me about life. I am not defined by my regrets or mistakes. Summer is nearly over which means that nursing school will begin and my life will hopefully regain some type of normalcy and/or slight calmness. Very little, if any, I'm sure. I don't work this Sunday! Having a few boys like me makes me feel like a catch even if I know it won't work out with any of them. I suppose it's okay to feel valuable, wanted, and pretty sometimes. Maybe...

Finals Day #1: Complete!

I am finished with my finals for today and I think chem went well, but I'm not so sure about psych. I really think I bombed psych.

In other news, I drank a Red bull after my last final, on an empty stomach, and now I feel kinda funny. I normally don't handle caffeine well anyway (I get heart palpitations the next day, and I get shaky), and now I am getting shaky and really hot. I can't tell if I'm hot because it's 80 degrees out or the sudden caffeine spike. I should have eaten something when I drank it... I don't even know why I drank it, but I'm hoping it helps me to focus.

So, since I have gotten back from my last final for today, and I had a few hours to kill, I made a beautiful chart depicting my class schedule for next year. It has two parts! One for if I don't get into the nursing program the first try, and another in the blessed event that I do get into nursing school for Fall 2013.

Either way, I will have less classes (because the are longer) than I do this semester. It is a slightly easier schedule too since I am taking microbio over the summer!

Daily Thanksgiving: I am finished with 2 of my 3 finals! I think the chem final went well! It's really nice out and I got to wear a dress to class for the first time (and likely last) this semester!!! I love dresses.

I'm off to go play catch with my friends. Today, we are playing with a baseball, which means I will have lots of bruises from trying to catch with my left hand...

Finals Day #1

Today is my first day of finals. I take 2 of 3 today and I'm kinda freakin' out. I only have chemistry and psych, but I need an A on this chemistry test in order to hope for an actual A in chemistry instead of a A- or a B+... Those pesky "-" signs really bring down your GPA! I was surprised how much weight that little guy has last semester. Now, I'm looking at getting a B in Anatomy which will lower it even more.

Kids, this is what happens when you don't focus and slack off in anatomy your first year of college. Don't do what I did. Have fun, but focus on school, especially you nursing students out there. If you do that, you will be fine and have a good time anyways because you won't be so stressed about getting your grades back up from being in a pit.

Semi-successful Day

All I've done today is study, from 10 a.m. on. Of course, I had minor breaks to eat, stretch, take a nap... and various other things that may have caught my attention at one point or another. But, for the most part, I studied. I really need a high A on my chem test and I can go as low as a C on my psych test tomorrow, but I would like to get higher of course. Unfortunately, it's a beautiful day outside and I am wasting it sitting in my room, relearning all the material needed for finals. Hopefully this will be enough studying, but currently, I'm not so sure that it will be.

It's days like this when I wish I could just clean and pack my dorm room instead. I'd rather be doing almost anything but studying because it's soooooo boring! L-rd willing, this week will go by quickly and successfully and I will get good grades. Then, I can go home and enjoy a week with no classes, no work, and the celebration of my baby brother's graduation from high school. I can't believe I missed most of his senior year because I was busy with my freshman year of college and lived an hour away from him. It's just so weird that we are both almost full-fledged adults (he doesn't turn 18 until the end of August). Thinking on it won't let it be untrue though, so I might as well just suck it up and accept that we can no longer be children, now we have to navigate life on our own. But, I'm pretty excited that he's thinking of coming down to my university for school and he might even get an apartment with me!

Daily Thanksgiving: Today is almost done, which means tomorrow's tests are almost done. That all means that summer is nearly here! I am thankful for the amount of studying that G-d has allowed me to complete today, because I have actually been very productive considering my normal study habits. Also, I am grateful that G-d put in my head to take off from work today, because I would have had much less studying actually completed by now. Instead, I was able to go slow, take my time, relax, and truly learn the material (or so I hope).

Day of Study

Today was supposed to be my day to study, but it wasn't very successful. I only completed my paper which took about 6 hours even though I only needed to write two paragraphs. But that's my fault, I kept messing around. Oh well.

Shabbat Shalom! This is my final Sabbath that I have to spend at school and that makes me so very happy. I am very thankful for this day of rest especially in finals week. Unfortunately, I am often confused as to what I should do when I have loads of schoolwork that I need to complete but am supposed to rest on the Sabbath.

Tonight at school they are having this silly run where you donate the clothes - all but your underwear - and then go for a run with hundreds of other students... IN YOUR UNDERWEAR! This is obviously not something I am going to take part in because my guy swim trunks and short sleeve surf shirt is not even modest enough for me, let alone nothing but my skivvies! I hope all the students have fun. But just started raining... Golly, it's probably sick that I think it's hilarious for us to get rain just as everyone is getting undressed together, but I do find it entertaining that they are now nearly naked and about to get soaked. It's not even a warm rain, it's actually getting chilly out.

Daily Thanksgiving: I turned in my last English paper early, which is so out of character for me. It is now Shabbat and I have a day of rest before crunch time hits me like a train for finals. I don't have to work on Sunday so I can actually study for my chem and psych finals that take place on Monday. Also, I am very thankful that G-d gave me two days between my first two finals and my anatomy final. Plus, the anatomy final will have some reproductive questions on it and I love the reproductive system!!! I am almost done with freshman year and it feels so good. I can't believe I only have tests and then I am done. It seems like I was just moving in, then I was just changing rooms and then here I am packing up to leave. I have matured though and G-d has taught me a lot in this short amount of time. Now I wish I would have started blogging at the beginning of my schooling journey instead of half way into my first year, but it is what it is and as I think of stories I will share, because there are lots of lessons to be learned from this silly - sometimes foolish - girl.

Countdown Continuation

I now only have:

Anatomy: 1 lecture and my final
Chemistry: extra credit project and the final
Psych: my final
English: 1 lecture and the final paper

Then I am done. Getting done with the last day of lecture has never been so sweet and I am only half-way done. Tomorrow I have Anatomy, English and then chem lab (which I am actually sad to not be going to anymore) and then time to study for finals! Also, I whipped out 3 1/2 more pages on my English paper this morning before the meeting with my professor and even though I don't know what I am supposed to be writing about, she said it was good. That is a total G-d thing because I am so beyond lost with this paper. She also gave me great advice on how to tweak and continue which is awesome because I had come to the end of what I should write about and didn't know what I was going to say next. I am going to miss my English professor, my psych professor and my chem lab instructor. G-d has blessed me with all good teachers, but they just happen to be my favorites. That's one thing that is unfortunate about schooling of any kind, you are with these teachers/professors and students for several months (sometimes the majority of a year) and then you take a test and never see them again. It's really quite unfortunate because G-d always gives me amazing teachers that really care about their students and the material they are teaching, which shows and is way important.

Daily Thanksgiving: I have been fairly productive today. I am half way through my list of final lectures (only 3 more to go out of 6) and I am slightly optimistic about this summer and my final grades. I am very blessed and G-d is the only one I can thank for that.

Sweet Relief Is Coming!

I have some great news... I just took my last anatomy lab practical of my life (L-rd willing)!!! I have been studying for this test for such a long time and even though I didn't know all that I would have liked to know, I am pretty sure I passed the test with at least a C. I'm still praying for an A, thinking I got a B, but it could be a C, I don't know. It's that awful time right after a test where I think I did alright which means that I probably bombed it completely, which I just absolutely hate because I get so confused with not knowing how I did. Oh well, it's over now!!! And the countdown begins:

Anatomy: 1 lecture, 1 homework assignment, and my final
Chemistry: 1 lecture, 1 homework assignment, extra credit project, and the final
Psych: 1 lecture, and my final
English: 1 lecture, a meeting with my professor, and the final paper

Then, I get to be on summer break!!!... for a week. But, I am excited for microbiology and I really need to be done with the HESI to get that off my mind too.

Daily Thanksgiving: I can see the light at the end of the tunnel (I don't know if it's daylight or a train barreling towards me but we will soon find out). Summer is a week and a half away. I have a place to stay near school for the summer. I can count down the assignments I have to complete before finals on one hand. I am finished with anatomy lab!!! That, my friends, is a beautiful feeling because I was told it was going to be too hard to take anatomy and chemistry in my first year of college, but G-d brought me through. Even if I only pass the course with a B, He still allowed me to pass by more than the skin on my teeth (meaning I had a buffer with a B as apposed to a C or D).

Sinking Feeling

Hey guys, I got my grades back from all of my tests last week. I got a B on all of them... I am so frustrated with myself! I totally could have studied more and studied harder and for longer, but I didn't. So, I got a B on my anatomy lecture and lab tests, and also a B on my Psych exam. Now I'm just waiting for my English paper to be graded because I turned that in today, with a sinking suspicion that I did not do well. The only good grade I got all last week was a 19/20 on my chem quiz. Yes, I know that B's are not the end of the world, nor are they bad grades, I am simply frustrated with myself because this was my last chance to bring my grades up in Anatomy and in Chem, but I blew it! Well, I haven't taken my chem test yet, that's on Wednesday and I better get to studying for it right now.

I am so stressed out about grades, the HESI, summer classes, school, housing next year and verything else, I think I may just have a panic attack...

These types of days make me wonder how I think I can even get into nursing school. Or, how can I make it as a nurse? I don't know how this is going to happen because I can't even get through the prereques with good grades and sanity, how am I ever supposed to go through nursing school and be an RN? The only way is by complete miracles from G-d because everyone, especially me, knows that I cannot do this!

Moving on to daily thanksgivings... I am thankful that I get to go home this weekend for my parent's 19th wedding anniversary. I am finished with last week and will be able to pick up and move on because I can't change my tests now. I am finished with Monday and I have amazing friends who are supporting me through my ridiculous bouts with anxiety and random spurts of depression. G-d has truly blessed me with incredible, supportive, sweet people to help me through so many struggles, even when they are all in my head (which is the majority of the time). Also, G-d didn't let me fail one test last week. Even though I am not pleased with my grades, He provided me with decent grades and if He wants me to have A's, then I will have A's. If not, then I will be thankful that He allows me to pass my prereques.

Coffee Date

So I had a "coffee date" with my good friend (who is a girl). At said date, I told her about my guy. She knows the guy, but I didn't tell her who it really is. It is nice to be able to gush about a guy to another girl because she understands me. She also gushed about her crush and we helped each other through. I will tell you, having a crush is really a nuisance. I cannot sleep, I cannot concentrate on my studies, and I cannot focus in class because he is always on my mind. Unfortunately, I am unable to put certain thoughts on hold or push them from my mind.

In other news, I got a 94% on my psych test! Also, spring break is one more day of classes away. Then I have to stay on campus Friday for my RA interview, unfortunately, but it gives me more time to be able to actually relax with my friends. I'm so excited for spring break I can't even tell you!!!

Daily Thanksgiving: I am thankful for coffee dates, amazing friends, Life cereal when the cafeteria food is bad (which is 99.9% of the time), and for my beautiful computer that I get to crank out my English paper on tonight. Ya, the paper is due tomorrow and has to be 6 pages... I have to learn to not procrastinate. Also, I am glad that it is not sunny and nice enough to play outside today because I would likely not write my paper if it was nice enough to play outside.