My Apologies

I would like to apologize for the following bad news. It seems as though this day may be a tough one to get through, so please bear with me.

1) I didn't get the RA job. This was probably a good thing because G-d would have let me have it if He needed to me to have the job. Likely, it would have been too much on my plate. However, my plans are now shot. I don't know where I'm going to live next year or what to do about paying for school. So that's stressing me out in addition to the second item on my list...

2) Now, don't tell anyone, but it is the anniversary of the evacuation of my mother's uterus. Ya, that's right, it's my birthday. I don't know if I have shared this with you, but I don't like my birthday. The day is fine, I like being born in April, but I don't like the responsibility that the day usually brings. So, I keep it a well-guarded secret. For everyone else who has a birthday today, Happy Birthday. I hope it goes well for you and that you enjoy your day.

3) ... I know there is more, but I can't remember what it is right now, so I will check in later with you guys.

RA Interview

I just got done with my RA interview... but I don't think it was the best one they may have sat through. Oh gosh, I don't know. I would love to be an RA for the nursing floor, but I don't know how well/poorly I do in interviews so I don't know how this is going to be.

If I get the job, it is because G-d wanted me to have the job anyway so we shall see what He wants!

My spring break is actually here, I have nothing else I absolutely have to do!

Spring Break!

I should have updated you all yesterday once I got out of lab that I was now on my spring break, but I was hanging out with my friends. So, I am now officially on spring break! To start off the festivities, I stayed up until 1:30 last night watching t.v., but I also did my laundry and hung out with my friend until about 10:30.

I am so excited to go home today, unfortunately I have to stay until at least 2 or so because of my RA interview. I do not like interviews, they make me uncomfortable and stress me out. If I do interviews, I would want it to be at a coffee shop, where we can get a coffee and sit and get to know each other because it seems that people are more themselves when they are not sitting in a chair alone being questioned by a panel of strangers. Anyway, after my interview, I have to wait for my friend to get off work, then we are going to his new house until the traffic subsides a bit. Fridays are awful for traffic from my campus to the city I live in. A typical hour drive turns into a 2-3 hour drive because people won't get out of the fast lane and were not taught how to properly utilize highways. Plus, the highway is mostly a two lane highway (in each direction), when it really needs to be closer to three or four because of the large influx in population. But, it is what it is, and I really enjoy cranking up my radio and jamming out for an 1+ hours.

Not having homework (except for editing and submitting a paper) is so nice! I miss high school because homework had an end to it after just a couple of hours. In college, not so much. No matter how long or how hard you work, there is always more that can be done. Whether it is reading for the next class period, or studying, or writing your papers, or even actual homework, there is never an end.

Daily Thanksgiving: It's spring break and life is nice right now. I loved hanging out with my friend last night and I finally made the move to delete my Facebook account to avoid the awkwardness from my ex-roommates. This is gonna be a good week... once I can get through my interview.

Coffee Date

So I had a "coffee date" with my good friend (who is a girl). At said date, I told her about my guy. She knows the guy, but I didn't tell her who it really is. It is nice to be able to gush about a guy to another girl because she understands me. She also gushed about her crush and we helped each other through. I will tell you, having a crush is really a nuisance. I cannot sleep, I cannot concentrate on my studies, and I cannot focus in class because he is always on my mind. Unfortunately, I am unable to put certain thoughts on hold or push them from my mind.

In other news, I got a 94% on my psych test! Also, spring break is one more day of classes away. Then I have to stay on campus Friday for my RA interview, unfortunately, but it gives me more time to be able to actually relax with my friends. I'm so excited for spring break I can't even tell you!!!

Daily Thanksgiving: I am thankful for coffee dates, amazing friends, Life cereal when the cafeteria food is bad (which is 99.9% of the time), and for my beautiful computer that I get to crank out my English paper on tonight. Ya, the paper is due tomorrow and has to be 6 pages... I have to learn to not procrastinate. Also, I am glad that it is not sunny and nice enough to play outside today because I would likely not write my paper if it was nice enough to play outside.

The Return of Cynicism

Y'all, I don't know if it is a mineral imbalance, or a hormonal imbalance, or just general mental problems but my cynicism is returning with a vengeance! For a few months I have been more hopeful than normal, I have tolerated romantic movies and country music fairly well, but not any longer. Maybe it is because I quit watching and listening to all of those things cold-turkey, or maybe my depression is returning. So many things could be causing this, but it is quite unfortunate and quite annoying that I cannot control my own thinking.

For those of you that do not know what cynicism (because I did not know until a few weeks ago, even though several people have told me I am cynical), here is the definition according to www.thefreedictionary.com: " An attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others."

What caused me to be this way in the first place? I am not sure. Maybe it was all of the people whom I trusted as friends that turned out to not be my friend. It could be from me learning that I cannot trust people for anything, no matter the circumstance. Perhaps I am just paranoid, though it seems there should be a cause... I am just not sure. So, in the meantime, I am working on it. Does anyone else struggle with general distrust of EVERYONE? Do you have any tips for me?

Moving on: I went to an RA meeting/group observance thing today. It was kind of strange because they split us up into big groups of 16 or so, then observe us as we work together in a group to accomplish tasks. This requires a significant amount of ability to be heard and to speak up. Haha, I do not necessarily have these qualities. I do have good ideas, I am just not so good at knowing when others will stop talking so I can share them because I was taught to not talk over people because it is rude. L-rd willing, my proper manners will not get in the way of an RA job. But, again, that depends on whether G-d wants me to be an RA or not.

Daily Thanksgiving: The RA meeting thing ended 3 hours early, just like I had prayed for it to end! It's crazy the ways G-d answers prayers! Absolutely amazing. I got to spend time with my friends just being able to do nothing but talk and watch silly YouTube videos. I love Shabbat. Than reminds me... Shabbat Shalom!

Strange Week

Is anyone else having a bad or - at the very least - strange week? I have been talking to my friends and they all had awful weeks. One friend failed an exam, another one forgot she was supposed to work tonight, and the list goes on. These are not end-of-the-world type events, but they are definitely wreaking  havoc on my friends' emotions and well-being. What is going on here? I have had several days this week were I just wanted to give up and break down all at the same time. Is it just because we have tests coming up and we are all fried from almost a year of school? Does it have to do with the moon or barometer changes? Today, we had gorgeous weather and lots of sunshine. In the time it takes to walk to all of our classes, we should have gotten sufficient vitamin D. Perhaps we have not allowed it to sink in yet. Another possibility of our off week could be the fact that we are all stir crazy and also homesick. With the spring weather coming at us, it seems about time we are completely finished with school and able to be back with our families. Of coarse, we still have two and a half months to go, but hopefully it will go by quickly and smoothly. I need this year to be over soon, but I also need good grades!

Daily Thanksgiving: It occurred to me that I may have forgotten to do my daily thanksgiving a couple days ago, so I will just do a bunch today as usual in hopes of averaging that out. Today, I am thankful for a really smart, and ridiculously funny chem lab partner. I am so very grateful for the new friends I am making and their ability to hold a conversation without me so I can sit back and observe. Dinner was really good, we went to a restaurant on campus and it was such a good choice! I turned in my RA application on time. My mom got her belated birthday card (because I forgot to bring it home last weekend). She said it made her cry, which turns out to be a good thing in this case. The text she sent me telling me about her response to the card, however, made me tear up during anatomy... Hopefully no one was looking at me, but what she said was so kind and something I really needed to hear/read. I am thankful that I do not have class on Friday, nor do I have to work tomorrow. I get an entire day to study! I am grateful for my private room and the peace I now live in all of the time. When I am not experiencing peace, it is because I am allowing my head to get in the way. Do you think that was enough thanksgivings to even any missed days out? I sure hope so.

Also, I would like to challenge you guys, as individuals, to begin thinking of your own daily thanksgivings. Even when I am having a hard day, it helps to not dwell on the negative, but to focus on what went right that day. I would love to read about your thanksgivings no matter how strange or random they are! Feel free to post below, or on any comment really. You could even send it to my email if you would like. Let's share what G-d is doing in our lives and build each other up!

RA Position?

Now that the school year is a little over half way over, there are RA positions open! I think it would be fun to be an RA (Resident Assistant) and it is also a great "scholarship" in a way because I wouldn't have to pay for housing. That means it over a $10,000 job position. Ya, when I realized that my jaw dropped too.

Are any of you RA's? What advice do you have for me? Is the position worth it? Next year I will be in the nursing program, L-rd willing. In addition to that, I will still be a CNA but I will likely keep my PRN position so I can work a max of 2 days a week (8 hr. shifts). Will there be too much on my plate or should I go for it?

Any input is greatly appreciated!