My only final was completed last Monday. I'm so sorry I did not update you guys, life has been all sorts of crazy busy lately. So, I will take it one bit at a time.
Grades: 2 A's and 1 B for this last semester which is pretty good! The final in my class ended up being a test that nobody did well on so the teacher made it only 1% of our entire grade so I got to keep my A in the class. Oh my goodness, praise the L-rd! I had gone out dancing the night before instead of studying and I actually met a guy.
On the subject of that guy, he asked me to dance. I agreed. He asked for my number. I gave it to him. He proceeded to text me after the stupid, customary 2-day waiting period and we've kinda hit it off. So, after spending most of the last week with him, he's my boyfriend. Super early and I'm not sure how compatible we are together, but he got the sexual assault/rape information out of me and he's been really supportive and sweet. Thus far we've been going full-throttle, and I told him that, and he's agreed to slow it down a bit. Right now he's in another state because he travels with his job for 2 months and then he comes back for breaks of 2-3 weeks. In that time we'll be able to talk and see if this is something that will work out or not. It's concerning that we met each other at a bar... and I don't trust anyone, especially not now... but there's something about him and I don't know what it is. I guess we will see. His name is Redneck BF (R BF for short).
Counseling went okay. We talked a little bit about coping strategies for me but the best one so far is distraction. As long as I stay really busy and go out a lot, I don't seem to have issues. However, when I sit still for too long or stay up too late, that's when I start having troubles. I feel like I'm going crazy though, I had to learn mindfulness exercises and they help when I'm in the office but not so much in the real world.
I worked last night for the first time since the incident. I had a 2 hour long anxiety attack and could only rock myself back and forth while telling myself that "I am okay". It seemed like I was doing better, but the night shift and the vast amounts of dark space with near silence is not conducive to avoiding the thought of what happened and what I wish could have happened. Alas, work + minimal sleep today after work = a very tired girl who believes she may be able to have a decent night's rest tonight. Well, L-rd willing, of course.
I hope all y'all are doing well in your respective places in the world.
Showing posts with label good grades. Show all posts
Showing posts with label good grades. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Ice Skating Celebration
Last night, I got to go out to dinner with a few of my friends from the nursing program. Afterwards, we went ice skating and had an absolute blast! It turns out that I am one of the youngest people in the program. This is quite unfortunate because everyone else was able to have a few drinks with dinner and I was just sittin' there sippin' water... Oh well.
Dinner was fun even though only 6 of our 40+ fellow students showed up. Then by friend's boyfriend showed up. He is super nice and I'm glad that they have fun together, but it reinforces the fact that I am alone. Never had a boyfriend and while I was once okay/happy being single, I'm finding myself wanting one again. It's frustrating.
Ice skating was so much fun! We went to an outdoor rink. It was so much better than an indoor rink because you get to see the stars and all the decorated houses. Besides the cold and the rockier ice, it was significantly more enjoyable than the indoor rink I am accustomed to. That is also largely because of the friends I was with.
Then, all of a sudden, everyone stopped skating. I looked around for the cause and some guy was proposing to his girlfriend on the rink. Amidst the, "aaah's" and "Oh my gosh, that is so cute's," I remained calm. Barely able to keep myself together, but I did. All night, that was all anyone could talk about. I'm happy for them. Truly, I am. It's just hard to watch right now.
How do I get past all of this jealousy and cynicism? There has to be a way, I just need a road map, the pills to make it so, and perhaps the Voice of G-d speaking into my life saying when, where, and how I will meet my future husband. Unfortunately, the first two are unrealistic and G-d doesn't typically give dates and times of future happenings in our lives. Think about how boring that would be!
Update on grades: My B- in Basic Assessment got changed to a B+ when my teacher dropped our quizzes. Then, I checked my final posted grades today and she ended up rounding up my grade so I got an A-!!! So, I got an A, A-, B, and two B-'s. Praise the L-rd!!! G-d answered my prayers about score rounding and so my GPA is significantly higher than I was projecting it at.
Daily Thanksgiving: I was able to no work. I got to go to dinner and ice skating with some of my nursing school friends. G-d not only let me pass my first semester of nursing school, but He brought my grades up as well. I did not fall a single time while ice skating! I am on break and enjoying my new downtime.
Dinner was fun even though only 6 of our 40+ fellow students showed up. Then by friend's boyfriend showed up. He is super nice and I'm glad that they have fun together, but it reinforces the fact that I am alone. Never had a boyfriend and while I was once okay/happy being single, I'm finding myself wanting one again. It's frustrating.
Ice skating was so much fun! We went to an outdoor rink. It was so much better than an indoor rink because you get to see the stars and all the decorated houses. Besides the cold and the rockier ice, it was significantly more enjoyable than the indoor rink I am accustomed to. That is also largely because of the friends I was with.
Then, all of a sudden, everyone stopped skating. I looked around for the cause and some guy was proposing to his girlfriend on the rink. Amidst the, "aaah's" and "Oh my gosh, that is so cute's," I remained calm. Barely able to keep myself together, but I did. All night, that was all anyone could talk about. I'm happy for them. Truly, I am. It's just hard to watch right now.
How do I get past all of this jealousy and cynicism? There has to be a way, I just need a road map, the pills to make it so, and perhaps the Voice of G-d speaking into my life saying when, where, and how I will meet my future husband. Unfortunately, the first two are unrealistic and G-d doesn't typically give dates and times of future happenings in our lives. Think about how boring that would be!
Update on grades: My B- in Basic Assessment got changed to a B+ when my teacher dropped our quizzes. Then, I checked my final posted grades today and she ended up rounding up my grade so I got an A-!!! So, I got an A, A-, B, and two B-'s. Praise the L-rd!!! G-d answered my prayers about score rounding and so my GPA is significantly higher than I was projecting it at.
Daily Thanksgiving: I was able to no work. I got to go to dinner and ice skating with some of my nursing school friends. G-d not only let me pass my first semester of nursing school, but He brought my grades up as well. I did not fall a single time while ice skating! I am on break and enjoying my new downtime.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
ALL DONE!!!
Folks, I finished all my finals!!! Better yet, G-d let me pass the first semester of nursing school when I was certain I would fail at least 1-2 of my 5 classes!
The feeling of being done is so beautiful I can't even describe it. But G-d got me through. Oh man, I just can't get over that fact. Now I get to move onto clincals and get into some actual nursing.
My last final today for Foundations I studied for a total of probably 30 minutes because I could get a 0% and still pass. Man, 95% of the questions had an answer of "All of the above" and 4% had matching. Seriously 2 questions actually required me to pick out the answer that was an actual answer besides "All of the above". How crazy is that!?! Granted, I was a bit paranoid at the time and my Scantron was filled with the answer D, but my friends said their was the same way so I think I may get to keep my one A for this semester!
The teacher for that class is also my teacher for Basic Assessment and I may end up getting a solid B instead of a B- for that class because she is dropping the 2 quizzes that were ridiculously hard and that counted for 10% of our grade. Instead, she is making our final grade go from 10% of our total grade to 20%. Moral of that long-winded story is that I may get one less B- than I thought!!!
Yesterday was a good day and it just kept on getting better. Today is even better than yesterday and it continues to get better. I'm scared for tomorrow because this is either a manic episode or G-d is just letting me have a slight break from the craziness that surrounds me on all sides. Either way, I can't tell. Oh well, I think I'm going to enjoy a little down time before I work tomorrow at my IT job and I'll let you guys know how Friday night out with my nursing class goes, if we end up going out. Now, that I got the day back off from work (after they called me in, I ended up emailing my boss and backing out) nobody even knows if this shindig is still going down!
Icing on the cake that was my day, my hair curled enough to look absolutely adorable. Aaaaaaah, this was a good day.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Finals Week Is Upon Us
Many of you out there are aware that it is finals week. Whether you are in school currently or not, it's all over my Facebook and I hope I'm not the only one. Due to this dreadful week, I have good news and bad news. Ready?
Bad:
I got a 76% on my pharmacology math final. That is because I did it mostly by hand and I'm sure my math was incorrect. So, I get a B- for that class. Moral of the story: before taking a math exam, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE PENCILS AND CALCULATOR IN BACKPACK/BAG!!! They were conveniently situated on my bedside table at home when I arrived at the final. Terrible, terrible day. I hate getting a bad grade when I knew the material but forgot my tools at home. Totally my bad, but it suck all the same.
I was unable to bring my Patho grade up beyond a B-. Again, my bad for slacking the first part of the semester.
Basic assessment class finishes with a B- due to unknown circumstances. Really, I had no idea what was going on in that course and we were not tested on anything that we were taught... I have good news about this class later.
I'm an all around grump for being mere fractions of percentages away from a straight up B but couldn't break through. That's so frustrating!
Good:
While I am disappointed with my Basic Assessment class overall, I did get a 90% on the final and a 99% on my final assessment evaluation! The teacher originally marked me as 100% because I think she likes me for some reason, but I admitted that I forgot one part so she took a point back. Still, I am so very pleased with that grade!!!
I got a B in Pharmacology! A 92% on my final made sure that I not only passed but I got a B instead of a C or that dreaded B-! Praise the L-rd for getting me through that class and giving me a gracious teacher that pretty much gave us a play-by-play study guide so we could rock the final. Plus, she let us use our books on the test before this. G-d certainly had his hand on my in that class because that was my most difficult one.
In my Foundations course, we have a final worth 10% of our overall grade, but even if I don't take it, I can get a solid B. I may not even show up tomorrow. Well, maybe I ought to, just so I know that I worked to try to get at least one A this semester. Sheesh, it's so disappointing to know that I will never be a 4.0 student EVER in my nursing school career, but hey, by the grace of G-d I may just graduate and pass the NCLEX. That, plus a caring heart and maybe a couple other things, will allow me to pursue my dream to become a full-fledged nurse. Mainly, that's what I want. The OCD side of me, though, wanted a 4.0. Unfortunately, that didn't even happen my first semester... Oh well.
Finally, I PASSED MY FIRST SEMESTER OF NURSING SCHOOL!!! Most people say it gets slightly easier after this because we are building on this first semester knowledge. I sure hope so.
Bad:
I got a 76% on my pharmacology math final. That is because I did it mostly by hand and I'm sure my math was incorrect. So, I get a B- for that class. Moral of the story: before taking a math exam, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE PENCILS AND CALCULATOR IN BACKPACK/BAG!!! They were conveniently situated on my bedside table at home when I arrived at the final. Terrible, terrible day. I hate getting a bad grade when I knew the material but forgot my tools at home. Totally my bad, but it suck all the same.
I was unable to bring my Patho grade up beyond a B-. Again, my bad for slacking the first part of the semester.
Basic assessment class finishes with a B- due to unknown circumstances. Really, I had no idea what was going on in that course and we were not tested on anything that we were taught... I have good news about this class later.
I'm an all around grump for being mere fractions of percentages away from a straight up B but couldn't break through. That's so frustrating!
Good:
While I am disappointed with my Basic Assessment class overall, I did get a 90% on the final and a 99% on my final assessment evaluation! The teacher originally marked me as 100% because I think she likes me for some reason, but I admitted that I forgot one part so she took a point back. Still, I am so very pleased with that grade!!!
I got a B in Pharmacology! A 92% on my final made sure that I not only passed but I got a B instead of a C or that dreaded B-! Praise the L-rd for getting me through that class and giving me a gracious teacher that pretty much gave us a play-by-play study guide so we could rock the final. Plus, she let us use our books on the test before this. G-d certainly had his hand on my in that class because that was my most difficult one.
In my Foundations course, we have a final worth 10% of our overall grade, but even if I don't take it, I can get a solid B. I may not even show up tomorrow. Well, maybe I ought to, just so I know that I worked to try to get at least one A this semester. Sheesh, it's so disappointing to know that I will never be a 4.0 student EVER in my nursing school career, but hey, by the grace of G-d I may just graduate and pass the NCLEX. That, plus a caring heart and maybe a couple other things, will allow me to pursue my dream to become a full-fledged nurse. Mainly, that's what I want. The OCD side of me, though, wanted a 4.0. Unfortunately, that didn't even happen my first semester... Oh well.
Finally, I PASSED MY FIRST SEMESTER OF NURSING SCHOOL!!! Most people say it gets slightly easier after this because we are building on this first semester knowledge. I sure hope so.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Thanksgiving is Coming! And so is Channukah!!!
First of all, I have heard that there is no official spelling of Hanukkah so people go nuts with it. Therefore, I thought this was appropriate. It also made me have a laughing spell on one of my bad days.
Along that line, I found this list
I got off subject there but Hanuka/Chanuka/Hanicka/etc. begins Wednesday night and the first full day is on Thanksgiving! That makes me happy because last year is started during finals week and I didn't get to be with my family, I could not have fire/candles in the dorms, and I was stressed with a bunch of tests.
Also, on Friday, I took my open book Pharm test after being thoroughly frightened about my well-being in that class. Praise the L-rd, I estimate about an 88% plus/minus a few points because there are some questions that my professor still has to grade and there are some she was saying she was going to throw out. L-rd willing, he will give me a high enough grade on our last test so that I can pass the class and get on with my life!
On Friday, I went out with one of my gal friends to a new hunting store in our area. It was fun and I ran into my friend that I stayed with over the summer. Country boy grew up with her and that is why we stayed at his house during the fire. I confessed that he had been texting me and I gave her the background of how I thought he was playing me and another girl. She informed me that he was doing some unsavory things with girls lately. Since she has told me that, I have been racking my brain with various scenarios where I "go off" on him, but I have decided that 1) I'm not strong/brave enough to do that, 2) it would not be respectful, and 3) he would likely yell back at me (over text) while not learning anything or changing anything for the next girl(s). I have, however, decided to trust the Holy Spirit in His warnings to me to not go out with him, not even as friends. I will break this off and find some what to tell him no gently but while still letting him know why. This will be tough.
I'm not really going to shoot him or hurt him in anyway, these just seemed fitting and they give me encouragement.
Well, I better go listen to my patho lecture. Right now I'm slacking and totally zoning out during patho. C'mon folks! (Not you, the college schedule deciders.) It's two days before Thanksgiving break, why do we even have class?!
- Chanuka
- Chanukah
- Chanukkah
- Channukah
- Hanukah
- Hannukah
- Hanukkah
- Hanuka
- Hanukka
- Hanaka
- Haneka
- Hanika
- Khanukkah
I got off subject there but Hanuka/Chanuka/Hanicka/etc. begins Wednesday night and the first full day is on Thanksgiving! That makes me happy because last year is started during finals week and I didn't get to be with my family, I could not have fire/candles in the dorms, and I was stressed with a bunch of tests.
Also, on Friday, I took my open book Pharm test after being thoroughly frightened about my well-being in that class. Praise the L-rd, I estimate about an 88% plus/minus a few points because there are some questions that my professor still has to grade and there are some she was saying she was going to throw out. L-rd willing, he will give me a high enough grade on our last test so that I can pass the class and get on with my life!
On Friday, I went out with one of my gal friends to a new hunting store in our area. It was fun and I ran into my friend that I stayed with over the summer. Country boy grew up with her and that is why we stayed at his house during the fire. I confessed that he had been texting me and I gave her the background of how I thought he was playing me and another girl. She informed me that he was doing some unsavory things with girls lately. Since she has told me that, I have been racking my brain with various scenarios where I "go off" on him, but I have decided that 1) I'm not strong/brave enough to do that, 2) it would not be respectful, and 3) he would likely yell back at me (over text) while not learning anything or changing anything for the next girl(s). I have, however, decided to trust the Holy Spirit in His warnings to me to not go out with him, not even as friends. I will break this off and find some what to tell him no gently but while still letting him know why. This will be tough.I'm not really going to shoot him or hurt him in anyway, these just seemed fitting and they give me encouragement.
Well, I better go listen to my patho lecture. Right now I'm slacking and totally zoning out during patho. C'mon folks! (Not you, the college schedule deciders.) It's two days before Thanksgiving break, why do we even have class?!
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Patho Exam Grade
I was hoping for an A...
Drumroll, please...
Seriously, I need a drumroll...
Fine, you don't have to do it. I got an 87% on my last patho test! That's pretty good considering the average was an 80% and the lowest was a 69%.
Now I have a 79.51% total in that class. So frustrating, but I hope to bring it up!
Drumroll, please...
Seriously, I need a drumroll...
Fine, you don't have to do it. I got an 87% on my last patho test! That's pretty good considering the average was an 80% and the lowest was a 69%.
Now I have a 79.51% total in that class. So frustrating, but I hope to bring it up!
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Study Break
Hey guys! I haven't been on here for what seems like a really long time. I have been studying and trying to figure out life. School is going somewhat better, but not by much.
Friday I went in to meet with my pharmacology teacher. That didn't really help at all. I'm so frustrated in that class and I'm so scared I'm not going to pass! I really need for G-d to allow me to remember everything I need to know for the next two tests so that I can get A's on them, or at least B's to pass the class.
In happier news, I got 100% on my pop quiz in Patho and I got a 90% on my other scheduled quiz for that same class. Praise the L-rd! Normally I get D's or F's on both of these types of quizzes, but G-d gave me good grades on these two and it brought my grade up considerably. That was a weight off.
Also, on Friday, I went out to coffee with my mentor. She confessed that she has been struggling with depression and I was able to tell her about my history and current bout with it. Then, in church this weekend, the pastor talked about depression! G-d must have needed me to hear about it or something because He usually has echoing lessons when He really needs me to get it. Well, I think I got it. Also, I feel like I've gotten somewhat "healed" of my current state of depression. It's only been 2.5 days, but I'm lighter and able to think more clearly. We will see when the pressures of life start to increase again, but for now I'm feeling a little better.
Country boy hadn't texted me for about a week and a half and then texted me tonight. Why tonight? I have three tests coming up this week, 1 of which I have to get a B on in order to pass and the other ones I'm feeling better about but still have so much to study! I've decided to not text him back unless he keeps the conversation going because I don't have the time, patience, or energy for this nonsense. Curious about tonight's conversation?
Him: "Hey"
Me: "Hey how's life?"
Him: "Decent, watching the game"
Seriously? Seriously. That's it. That is all that was written and that is likely how it will stay. This is a new boundary for me because normally I will keep asking questions. I will dig for conversation and try to be as polite as possible to keep being able to let us have something to talk about. Not tonight! I am not going to be some person's "texting buddy" if they have nothing to say. I have tried to start the conversation with him many times and he is still disinterested so I'm not doing it any longer. This is so silly for so many reasons. 1) We don't really know each other over texting or in "real" life. 2) We don't have much to talk about. 3) He always seems disinterested and does not contribute to the conversation or the continuation of said conversation. Therefore, I am done. I will give him the short answers he gives me and that will be the end of it. Maybe one day I will have the guts to ask him what we are doing and why. Today, however, it has taken a significant amount of guts and self determination to ignore the text because the conversation hit a dead end.
Tonight I also went out to study with my friends for our patho test tomorrow. After that, I'm even more scared about the patho exam. Normally I do okay just studying on my own and I think I need to go back to that for patho because they over think everything. They are preparing for a test that is way harder than our professor usually gives us and it confused the day lights out of my. So, for patho, I will continue to study alone.
Daily Thanksgiving: Sleep is coming soon. G-d gave me good grades in patho last week. I am learning to set my boundaries and I'm excited to finally practice having my say and standing up for myself. Also, I will be able to stand up for myself in a less threatening manner because I never see country boy, we only text each other. I am motivated to start studying for pharm and have started partially. I have also been studying for patho for about a week and a half as apposed to the normal day or two of cramming and it seems to be paying off. My depression may be subsiding. I received prayer and now have someone I can talk to about it because I didn't know who to talk to before. G-d answered my prayer to have someone to confess my depression to and someone who would understand me and be able to pray with me. That was huge.
Friday I went in to meet with my pharmacology teacher. That didn't really help at all. I'm so frustrated in that class and I'm so scared I'm not going to pass! I really need for G-d to allow me to remember everything I need to know for the next two tests so that I can get A's on them, or at least B's to pass the class.
In happier news, I got 100% on my pop quiz in Patho and I got a 90% on my other scheduled quiz for that same class. Praise the L-rd! Normally I get D's or F's on both of these types of quizzes, but G-d gave me good grades on these two and it brought my grade up considerably. That was a weight off.
Also, on Friday, I went out to coffee with my mentor. She confessed that she has been struggling with depression and I was able to tell her about my history and current bout with it. Then, in church this weekend, the pastor talked about depression! G-d must have needed me to hear about it or something because He usually has echoing lessons when He really needs me to get it. Well, I think I got it. Also, I feel like I've gotten somewhat "healed" of my current state of depression. It's only been 2.5 days, but I'm lighter and able to think more clearly. We will see when the pressures of life start to increase again, but for now I'm feeling a little better.
Country boy hadn't texted me for about a week and a half and then texted me tonight. Why tonight? I have three tests coming up this week, 1 of which I have to get a B on in order to pass and the other ones I'm feeling better about but still have so much to study! I've decided to not text him back unless he keeps the conversation going because I don't have the time, patience, or energy for this nonsense. Curious about tonight's conversation?
Him: "Hey"
Me: "Hey how's life?"
Him: "Decent, watching the game"
Seriously? Seriously. That's it. That is all that was written and that is likely how it will stay. This is a new boundary for me because normally I will keep asking questions. I will dig for conversation and try to be as polite as possible to keep being able to let us have something to talk about. Not tonight! I am not going to be some person's "texting buddy" if they have nothing to say. I have tried to start the conversation with him many times and he is still disinterested so I'm not doing it any longer. This is so silly for so many reasons. 1) We don't really know each other over texting or in "real" life. 2) We don't have much to talk about. 3) He always seems disinterested and does not contribute to the conversation or the continuation of said conversation. Therefore, I am done. I will give him the short answers he gives me and that will be the end of it. Maybe one day I will have the guts to ask him what we are doing and why. Today, however, it has taken a significant amount of guts and self determination to ignore the text because the conversation hit a dead end.
Tonight I also went out to study with my friends for our patho test tomorrow. After that, I'm even more scared about the patho exam. Normally I do okay just studying on my own and I think I need to go back to that for patho because they over think everything. They are preparing for a test that is way harder than our professor usually gives us and it confused the day lights out of my. So, for patho, I will continue to study alone.
Daily Thanksgiving: Sleep is coming soon. G-d gave me good grades in patho last week. I am learning to set my boundaries and I'm excited to finally practice having my say and standing up for myself. Also, I will be able to stand up for myself in a less threatening manner because I never see country boy, we only text each other. I am motivated to start studying for pharm and have started partially. I have also been studying for patho for about a week and a half as apposed to the normal day or two of cramming and it seems to be paying off. My depression may be subsiding. I received prayer and now have someone I can talk to about it because I didn't know who to talk to before. G-d answered my prayer to have someone to confess my depression to and someone who would understand me and be able to pray with me. That was huge.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Frustrations of Rooming with Your Brother
This year, while at college, my brother and I decided to live in an apartment together. Wise idea? It seemed like it at the time, but it's turning out to be more difficult than I expected. We are constantly "stepping on each other's toes" because he is trying to figure out how to be an adult living on his own (away from parents) while I am further maturing from my year alone last year. Needless to say, he thinks I'm bossy and I find him to be showing signs of a VERY immature prefrontal cortex. He thinks he needs a motorcycle, he assumes that I don't need to be picked up at a certain time, he makes me late for class, he wouldn't listen to me about getting a schedule that is more condusive to my schedule because we are sharing a parking pass, and he is quite certain that he is right about everything and calls me condescending a lot. Yes, I have days where I think I'm right all the time, but it's because I am right. ;) If I'm wrong then I admit to it.
What brought this rage on today? I got to wait outside for him for over an hour even though I only have an hour to go home, eat a little something, then come back to school for BHA lab after grabbing my equipment and changing. What did he decide to do today? Go to the mall. He works there, so he went to go talk to his manager, but it's 20 minutes away (when there is no traffic). He texted me, during class, asking when I get out. I told him 12.
At 12:07, I get a text asking, "So you're going to the library to study right?" Where did he ever get that from?! I never told him that and he admitted that I never told him that. I told him I needed to be picked up and he said he would be right there.
At 12:31 he texts me saying that he is just now leaving. Ya, I thought he already had. Remaining calm, I text him "ok." 12:56 he pulls up. I jump in and he says a quick, insincere sorry, and we rush off towards home.
1:07 I get into class. I'm late but today the instructor wasn't in lab because we were doing our midterms so she was in the sim lab with students. I was livid and flustered all during lab because of that nonsense. I didn't yell at him, though I wanted to. He asked if I was mad because I'm hardly ever stone-cold quiet, especially when I'm mad, but I just said, "Let's talk about it after I get home from class." That scared him. He said that made him nervous and it made the whole situation worse, I'm assuming it made him just feel worse because it didn't make him angry. Goal accomplished with that!
I think doing this quiet thing when I'm mad is going to be my new thing. I don't smile at jokes, I use short and bland responses, and I make the other person wait several hours for me to "cool off" before we discuss what happened and how to fix it. Sometimes it's just nice to scare someone so that they think twice before doing stupid things again. Yep, this will be my new thing.
Also, I got 100% on my midterm for BHA! Unfortunately, it only goes into the gradebook as a pass/fail... But it's nice to finally get a good grade (my first and likely last) in nursing school. I was so happy I almost hugged my professor. She probably would have been alright with that, but we stuck with a high-five instead. I think I'll frame it and possibly post a pic later.
While I was in the sim lab doing my midterm, my classmates took a hilarious photo of one of them giving birth!!! Gosh, I'm so sad I missed it because 1) it's hilarious, 2) I want a picture in my whites because I think they are adorable, 3) I just want to have fun but I always seem to miss it! Oh well, maybe another time?
Daily Thanksgiving: I didn't yell at my brother and I discovered a more effective way to scare him and get my point across. I got to wear my whites! I got 100% on something in nursing school. I made it through another day which is all I can hope for anymore. I got to go to the mall with my friend.
In other news, I don't think the St. John's Wort is helping or working. My overwhelming feelings of dread, anxiety, helplessness, and desire to quit everything and climb into a hole are slightly better, but it's still a battle every day. Maybe I'm getting burnt out? I don't know.
I went to the mall with my friend over the weekend to get our make-up done and to spend some time with her. It was nice to finally be able to talk to someone and tell them this new thing with me actually finding guys attractive and to be able to vent about how inconvenient it is. That didn't seem to help because then we just started talking about dream dates, what we think we need/want in guys, and how our past crushes didn't fit that. Also, I talked her through a friend break up. This is a bit of a long story, but this girl friend is the one who I was super close with last year. She and I were really close with the two guy friends (one of them liked me and she was crushing on the other one pretty hard.) So, she and the guy that liked me would talk about me and the guy she liked. Does this make sense so far? Anyway, the guys decided that they didn't want to hang out with her anymore recently, because they are being silly. So, she was trying to get to the bottom of it. They were being frightfully rude and hurtful, and the two guys "friend broke-up" with my girl friend. I am still friends with all three. Still, friend drama stresses me out like nobody's business!!!
I decided retail therapy would help me so I went and dropped $100 at Target getting things I "needed" and then buyer's remorse hit me like a semi when I walked in my door. Typical me. I need a stress outlet because I keep making foolish decisions and I'm constantly overwhelmed...
C'est la vie, non?
What brought this rage on today? I got to wait outside for him for over an hour even though I only have an hour to go home, eat a little something, then come back to school for BHA lab after grabbing my equipment and changing. What did he decide to do today? Go to the mall. He works there, so he went to go talk to his manager, but it's 20 minutes away (when there is no traffic). He texted me, during class, asking when I get out. I told him 12.
At 12:07, I get a text asking, "So you're going to the library to study right?" Where did he ever get that from?! I never told him that and he admitted that I never told him that. I told him I needed to be picked up and he said he would be right there.
At 12:31 he texts me saying that he is just now leaving. Ya, I thought he already had. Remaining calm, I text him "ok." 12:56 he pulls up. I jump in and he says a quick, insincere sorry, and we rush off towards home.
1:07 I get into class. I'm late but today the instructor wasn't in lab because we were doing our midterms so she was in the sim lab with students. I was livid and flustered all during lab because of that nonsense. I didn't yell at him, though I wanted to. He asked if I was mad because I'm hardly ever stone-cold quiet, especially when I'm mad, but I just said, "Let's talk about it after I get home from class." That scared him. He said that made him nervous and it made the whole situation worse, I'm assuming it made him just feel worse because it didn't make him angry. Goal accomplished with that!
I think doing this quiet thing when I'm mad is going to be my new thing. I don't smile at jokes, I use short and bland responses, and I make the other person wait several hours for me to "cool off" before we discuss what happened and how to fix it. Sometimes it's just nice to scare someone so that they think twice before doing stupid things again. Yep, this will be my new thing.
Also, I got 100% on my midterm for BHA! Unfortunately, it only goes into the gradebook as a pass/fail... But it's nice to finally get a good grade (my first and likely last) in nursing school. I was so happy I almost hugged my professor. She probably would have been alright with that, but we stuck with a high-five instead. I think I'll frame it and possibly post a pic later.
While I was in the sim lab doing my midterm, my classmates took a hilarious photo of one of them giving birth!!! Gosh, I'm so sad I missed it because 1) it's hilarious, 2) I want a picture in my whites because I think they are adorable, 3) I just want to have fun but I always seem to miss it! Oh well, maybe another time?
Daily Thanksgiving: I didn't yell at my brother and I discovered a more effective way to scare him and get my point across. I got to wear my whites! I got 100% on something in nursing school. I made it through another day which is all I can hope for anymore. I got to go to the mall with my friend.
In other news, I don't think the St. John's Wort is helping or working. My overwhelming feelings of dread, anxiety, helplessness, and desire to quit everything and climb into a hole are slightly better, but it's still a battle every day. Maybe I'm getting burnt out? I don't know.
I went to the mall with my friend over the weekend to get our make-up done and to spend some time with her. It was nice to finally be able to talk to someone and tell them this new thing with me actually finding guys attractive and to be able to vent about how inconvenient it is. That didn't seem to help because then we just started talking about dream dates, what we think we need/want in guys, and how our past crushes didn't fit that. Also, I talked her through a friend break up. This is a bit of a long story, but this girl friend is the one who I was super close with last year. She and I were really close with the two guy friends (one of them liked me and she was crushing on the other one pretty hard.) So, she and the guy that liked me would talk about me and the guy she liked. Does this make sense so far? Anyway, the guys decided that they didn't want to hang out with her anymore recently, because they are being silly. So, she was trying to get to the bottom of it. They were being frightfully rude and hurtful, and the two guys "friend broke-up" with my girl friend. I am still friends with all three. Still, friend drama stresses me out like nobody's business!!!
I decided retail therapy would help me so I went and dropped $100 at Target getting things I "needed" and then buyer's remorse hit me like a semi when I walked in my door. Typical me. I need a stress outlet because I keep making foolish decisions and I'm constantly overwhelmed...
C'est la vie, non?
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Better Ending
I had two tests this week: Pharmacology and my Pharm Math midterm.
Pharm: 70% Not great but G-d gave me a better score than I was expecting. I need to bring my average up though to an average above 74% for all tests otherwise I fail the class.
Pharm Math: 82%. This is terrible! It was all easy math and some simple conversion. I labeled my answers when they weren't pre-labeled and I showed all my work. I don't know how I got a B- but I probably just made a bunch of dumb mistakes. Nursing school always catches me off-guard.
I went home to see my parents this weekend. It was really nice to eat a Shabbat dinner with them and we talked for hours! It's amazing how much changes in a month and a half when I am not there to hear about it every night.
I emailed my bosses at my current nursing home job about possibly transferring to the hospital as a CNA. I just got an amazing recommendation letter from one of them and it made me feel really good. Hopefully G-d provides me with a new job that pays better and at a place where I can learn more about actual nursing instead of just the CNA side of it. We'll see.
Pinterest has currently caught most of my attention. Presently I am planning for all sorts of fun things like my perfect dates, cute outfits and make-up for said dates, adorable hairstyles, and my wedding. This is not a good idea. Between Pinterest and country music, I can tell that I am going to bottom out really bad soon. I even started watching love stories because I hope that it will be me. This is completely irrational because love stories are totally made up and that kind of stuff doesn't happen to girls like me. Still, I am finding it difficult to stay away from these things so that I can focus on school and real life. I just want a cowboy boyfriend that has all 573 characteristics that I have written down to love me, and start dating me right now, and then marry me after we're both finished with college. Is that too much to ask? I'm pretty sure my plan is not G-d's plan, but I keep asking Him for it anyway... His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways are higher than my ways. He has a plan for my life which may or may not include a beau or husband, but my sinful heart is desiring a boy. How foolish is that?! Is it just me or do others of you have these kind of silly desires that don't seem to match what G-d wants for you but you can't let go of them? If you can let go of them, how do you?
I need some seriously professional help.
Good news: My Mocha latte is kicking in and I hope to get some homework/studying done today!
Bad news: The guy made it wrong because I asked for it to be made with soy but he used whole milk... I'm lactose intolerant... Boy, I wish my body made the right enzymes so that I can eat the Italian and French food that I'm always craving. My grandparents are Cajun, Italian, French, and a few other things, but most of our bloodlines come from places that use a lot of dairy products. My family is all pretty much okay with everything, except for me. I can't seem to eat anything anymore. h well, it's a good motivator to eat salads, plain chicken, and generally healthy food. Throw in some Chick-fil-a every once in a while and I am set.
Daily Thanksgiving: I got to go home. I got to see my puppy and my parents. My mother is a fantastic Italian cook and we got so much good food! G-d got us back to our apartment safely despite the crazy drivers, ridiculous amount of construction, and general crazy driving skills I possess. I'm learning how to do my make-up (normally I wear 0 make-up or just cover up when my face is breaking out) and I feel a little bit pretty even though beauty "comes from the inside". I believe that it does, but it's so cliche and sometimes it's good to feel pretty on the outside too. My grades are somewhat decent. I have a clean room! (This makes my brother happier than it makes me, but it's good to have a happy roommate.)
Off to do some school work. Have a good rest of your weekend!
Pharm: 70% Not great but G-d gave me a better score than I was expecting. I need to bring my average up though to an average above 74% for all tests otherwise I fail the class.
Pharm Math: 82%. This is terrible! It was all easy math and some simple conversion. I labeled my answers when they weren't pre-labeled and I showed all my work. I don't know how I got a B- but I probably just made a bunch of dumb mistakes. Nursing school always catches me off-guard.
I went home to see my parents this weekend. It was really nice to eat a Shabbat dinner with them and we talked for hours! It's amazing how much changes in a month and a half when I am not there to hear about it every night.
I emailed my bosses at my current nursing home job about possibly transferring to the hospital as a CNA. I just got an amazing recommendation letter from one of them and it made me feel really good. Hopefully G-d provides me with a new job that pays better and at a place where I can learn more about actual nursing instead of just the CNA side of it. We'll see.
Pinterest has currently caught most of my attention. Presently I am planning for all sorts of fun things like my perfect dates, cute outfits and make-up for said dates, adorable hairstyles, and my wedding. This is not a good idea. Between Pinterest and country music, I can tell that I am going to bottom out really bad soon. I even started watching love stories because I hope that it will be me. This is completely irrational because love stories are totally made up and that kind of stuff doesn't happen to girls like me. Still, I am finding it difficult to stay away from these things so that I can focus on school and real life. I just want a cowboy boyfriend that has all 573 characteristics that I have written down to love me, and start dating me right now, and then marry me after we're both finished with college. Is that too much to ask? I'm pretty sure my plan is not G-d's plan, but I keep asking Him for it anyway... His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways are higher than my ways. He has a plan for my life which may or may not include a beau or husband, but my sinful heart is desiring a boy. How foolish is that?! Is it just me or do others of you have these kind of silly desires that don't seem to match what G-d wants for you but you can't let go of them? If you can let go of them, how do you?
I need some seriously professional help.
Good news: My Mocha latte is kicking in and I hope to get some homework/studying done today!
Bad news: The guy made it wrong because I asked for it to be made with soy but he used whole milk... I'm lactose intolerant... Boy, I wish my body made the right enzymes so that I can eat the Italian and French food that I'm always craving. My grandparents are Cajun, Italian, French, and a few other things, but most of our bloodlines come from places that use a lot of dairy products. My family is all pretty much okay with everything, except for me. I can't seem to eat anything anymore. h well, it's a good motivator to eat salads, plain chicken, and generally healthy food. Throw in some Chick-fil-a every once in a while and I am set.
Daily Thanksgiving: I got to go home. I got to see my puppy and my parents. My mother is a fantastic Italian cook and we got so much good food! G-d got us back to our apartment safely despite the crazy drivers, ridiculous amount of construction, and general crazy driving skills I possess. I'm learning how to do my make-up (normally I wear 0 make-up or just cover up when my face is breaking out) and I feel a little bit pretty even though beauty "comes from the inside". I believe that it does, but it's so cliche and sometimes it's good to feel pretty on the outside too. My grades are somewhat decent. I have a clean room! (This makes my brother happier than it makes me, but it's good to have a happy roommate.)
Off to do some school work. Have a good rest of your weekend!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Medical TV Shows
I follow the blog The Days When I'm Not a Nurse and she starts a blog discussion about various topics every month. This month it is about medical TV shows.
Seeing as I have watched almost everything that has anything to do with medicine since I was a ripe old age of 5, I would say that I have a little to say about the subject.
First, I would like to say that my favorites include (but are not limited to): Scrubs, House, Birth Story, Teen Mom (has little to do with medicine except for the delivery part of the show, but I like seeing the babies), Emily Owens M.D., and Mystery Diagnosis. Also, Call the Midwife is probably my favorite because it is so stinkin' cute in all ways!!!
With that said, I do find most of the shows highly unrealistic but fairly fascinating. I really like Mystery Diagnosis because it a real-life account of some House quality mysteries. I like House because he is cynical, sarcastic, and ridiculously smart. Plus, they have really cool, weird diseases/symptoms. Emily Owens is so cute and awkward that it brings me comfort because I am much like her, just less pretty. Scrubs reminds me of my dorky guy friends so that helps me with home-sickness, and one of the main characters is a NURSE! Ya, that never happens. We need more shows about nurses, folks, because they have so many funny and interesting stories. Call the Midwife, Teen Mom, and Birth Story are also so interesting to me because I am obsessed with birth, pregnancy, babies, and all related information to the labor and delivery process. I have been since before I ever started preschool and my fascination continues to grow each year.
So, we need more nursing shows that are fictional, but that bring in the hilarious encounters that nurses actually face. I have read many stories that had me bawling and hiccuping from laughing so hard. Guys, that is my favorite Saturday night entertainment. Then there are the stories of how nurses touched families and helped them through difficult times in their life. Unfortunately these stories hardly get shared even though they happen all the time. That is what nurses do and I think it would help the general population understand just a tiny bit of what nurses bear and go through for their patients.
Do you have any shows you would like to add? I'm sure I missed a bunch of shows and points. Ultimately, these shows are just for vegging, not for learning or for portraying reality. They are some of my guilty pleasures...
P.S.
I got a 92% on my BHA test today!
Seeing as I have watched almost everything that has anything to do with medicine since I was a ripe old age of 5, I would say that I have a little to say about the subject.
First, I would like to say that my favorites include (but are not limited to): Scrubs, House, Birth Story, Teen Mom (has little to do with medicine except for the delivery part of the show, but I like seeing the babies), Emily Owens M.D., and Mystery Diagnosis. Also, Call the Midwife is probably my favorite because it is so stinkin' cute in all ways!!!
With that said, I do find most of the shows highly unrealistic but fairly fascinating. I really like Mystery Diagnosis because it a real-life account of some House quality mysteries. I like House because he is cynical, sarcastic, and ridiculously smart. Plus, they have really cool, weird diseases/symptoms. Emily Owens is so cute and awkward that it brings me comfort because I am much like her, just less pretty. Scrubs reminds me of my dorky guy friends so that helps me with home-sickness, and one of the main characters is a NURSE! Ya, that never happens. We need more shows about nurses, folks, because they have so many funny and interesting stories. Call the Midwife, Teen Mom, and Birth Story are also so interesting to me because I am obsessed with birth, pregnancy, babies, and all related information to the labor and delivery process. I have been since before I ever started preschool and my fascination continues to grow each year.
So, we need more nursing shows that are fictional, but that bring in the hilarious encounters that nurses actually face. I have read many stories that had me bawling and hiccuping from laughing so hard. Guys, that is my favorite Saturday night entertainment. Then there are the stories of how nurses touched families and helped them through difficult times in their life. Unfortunately these stories hardly get shared even though they happen all the time. That is what nurses do and I think it would help the general population understand just a tiny bit of what nurses bear and go through for their patients.
Do you have any shows you would like to add? I'm sure I missed a bunch of shows and points. Ultimately, these shows are just for vegging, not for learning or for portraying reality. They are some of my guilty pleasures...
P.S.
I got a 92% on my BHA test today!
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Over Halfway!
I took my "midterm" today for my week-long class and I got a 89%. It seems that I can't break past this B ceiling of test grades lately, but I am very grateful that G-d got me this good grade! I was fearing that I would have done much worse, but there is a really good chance that G-d can get me an A in this class! That would be so nice.
I got my schedule for my 2nd job today and I work Thursday morning (I don't have any class Thursday which is perfect!) for a few hours and then I work Monday afternoon right after my Monday morning class. Hopefully I will be able to study during these shifts, but I'm kinda doubting it. I am just very glad that I do not have to work until midnight because they are open at 7:30 nearly every morning and they don't close until midnight most nights. I don't know why because we are just IT but I'm kinda excited for this job. I go and meet my new boss and another new hire that I will likely be working with. I am so glad that I only have to work 2 extra days a week and I really hope that my grades stay good this year. I am going to try really hard to stay on top of my school work, but I tried that the last 3 semesters of college (all of my college career) and it hasn't really worked completely yet. So, this extra job will either be extra motivation or it will completely sink me and I will have to quit before next semester... We shall see. I am getting better at not procrastinating. It's a slow, painful process, but G-d's bringing me along.
*Disclosure: the following rant may contain content that may make some people uncomfortable because it has to do with the spiritual realm and evil works that we are all currently witnesses to.*
In the meantime, I am trying to finish my homework and studying for my week-long class but my brother is playing this atrocious zombie game. Ugh! It's absolutely disgusting and I can handle barf, poop, bodily fluids, birth, surgery, and bones being sawed! This is just a video game but it is probably one of the most evil things I have ever seen. I am so appalled by the new popular fascination with the "living dead", vampires, ware-wolfs, witches, goblins, warlocks, and demons. Folks, these things are from the Adversary (Satan). Don't kid yourself. Teen girls falling in love with vampires that are hundreds of years old because he is "immortal" is not from G-d. Ware-wolfs and zombies are not holy, in fact, they are very evil. They aren't even original, these themes have been seen before... IN THE BIBLE!!! We are warned about things like these, but they weren't make-believe then and they aren't now. Read Genesis 6:1-8. Nothing is new under the sun and these things that have suddenly grown in popularity should not be taken lightly. Don't play these games, watch the movies, read the books, entertain the ideas, or buy into these lies. If you have, it's not too late, but you have to get rid of the materials and start praying. Get out of it and get it out of your house. Invite G-d in, don't entertain evil because that is just inviting the Adversary. I want to destroy my t.v. and break my brother's game because this zombie game makes me sick to my stomach because it is so full of evil and I am very sensitive to things like this. G-d gave me an extreme sensitivity to Himself and the spiritual stuff going on. That's right, all of the vampire, witch, magic, zombie stuff that is going on is not just man-made, it all has it's roots in the spiritual realm.
Moral of story: think about what you expose yourself to and what you allow your family to be exposed to. Things aren't as they appear and a simple "love" story could have a deeper, very evil meaning.
*End of Rant. The rest of my post is clean.*
Daily Thanksgiving: I got an 89% on my test! I work excellent days this next year and I got another job with IT! I am over halfway through my class and probably closer to 3/4 through it. 1 more day of lectures and 1 day of study/testing and then I am finished. I volunteer to babysit children with special needs on Friday with a bunch of my fellow nursing students of all classes (sophomore, junior, senior classes) and I am very excited! Nursing school starts in 18 days. G-d keeps giving us rain which is such a beautiful thing after all of the fires my state has had already this summer. G-d protected my friends house from any damage from the fire (when we were evacuated). G-d totally convicted me last night of my current overall heart status with James 3-4. Oh golly, He gives me just what I need all the time. Even though it is kinda hard to hear, it's the tough love that let's me know that He is still willing to shape me and fix me to be who He needs me to be. He has also given me more strength to get over this wedding cycle that I have been going through lately (it was slightly self-induced due to the 3 guys who were kinda in my life).
I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna go to bed. Read James 3-4, hopefully it can help you wherever you are in life. Let G-d convict you because we have to be broken before we can be reshaped by Him. It's like muscles. You have to over-work them so they rip (microscopically, a large muscle tear is a serious problem and you should get that looked at...), but G-d created our bodies so that when they are repaired they get bigger and stronger!
I got my schedule for my 2nd job today and I work Thursday morning (I don't have any class Thursday which is perfect!) for a few hours and then I work Monday afternoon right after my Monday morning class. Hopefully I will be able to study during these shifts, but I'm kinda doubting it. I am just very glad that I do not have to work until midnight because they are open at 7:30 nearly every morning and they don't close until midnight most nights. I don't know why because we are just IT but I'm kinda excited for this job. I go and meet my new boss and another new hire that I will likely be working with. I am so glad that I only have to work 2 extra days a week and I really hope that my grades stay good this year. I am going to try really hard to stay on top of my school work, but I tried that the last 3 semesters of college (all of my college career) and it hasn't really worked completely yet. So, this extra job will either be extra motivation or it will completely sink me and I will have to quit before next semester... We shall see. I am getting better at not procrastinating. It's a slow, painful process, but G-d's bringing me along.
*Disclosure: the following rant may contain content that may make some people uncomfortable because it has to do with the spiritual realm and evil works that we are all currently witnesses to.*
In the meantime, I am trying to finish my homework and studying for my week-long class but my brother is playing this atrocious zombie game. Ugh! It's absolutely disgusting and I can handle barf, poop, bodily fluids, birth, surgery, and bones being sawed! This is just a video game but it is probably one of the most evil things I have ever seen. I am so appalled by the new popular fascination with the "living dead", vampires, ware-wolfs, witches, goblins, warlocks, and demons. Folks, these things are from the Adversary (Satan). Don't kid yourself. Teen girls falling in love with vampires that are hundreds of years old because he is "immortal" is not from G-d. Ware-wolfs and zombies are not holy, in fact, they are very evil. They aren't even original, these themes have been seen before... IN THE BIBLE!!! We are warned about things like these, but they weren't make-believe then and they aren't now. Read Genesis 6:1-8. Nothing is new under the sun and these things that have suddenly grown in popularity should not be taken lightly. Don't play these games, watch the movies, read the books, entertain the ideas, or buy into these lies. If you have, it's not too late, but you have to get rid of the materials and start praying. Get out of it and get it out of your house. Invite G-d in, don't entertain evil because that is just inviting the Adversary. I want to destroy my t.v. and break my brother's game because this zombie game makes me sick to my stomach because it is so full of evil and I am very sensitive to things like this. G-d gave me an extreme sensitivity to Himself and the spiritual stuff going on. That's right, all of the vampire, witch, magic, zombie stuff that is going on is not just man-made, it all has it's roots in the spiritual realm.
Moral of story: think about what you expose yourself to and what you allow your family to be exposed to. Things aren't as they appear and a simple "love" story could have a deeper, very evil meaning.
*End of Rant. The rest of my post is clean.*
Daily Thanksgiving: I got an 89% on my test! I work excellent days this next year and I got another job with IT! I am over halfway through my class and probably closer to 3/4 through it. 1 more day of lectures and 1 day of study/testing and then I am finished. I volunteer to babysit children with special needs on Friday with a bunch of my fellow nursing students of all classes (sophomore, junior, senior classes) and I am very excited! Nursing school starts in 18 days. G-d keeps giving us rain which is such a beautiful thing after all of the fires my state has had already this summer. G-d protected my friends house from any damage from the fire (when we were evacuated). G-d totally convicted me last night of my current overall heart status with James 3-4. Oh golly, He gives me just what I need all the time. Even though it is kinda hard to hear, it's the tough love that let's me know that He is still willing to shape me and fix me to be who He needs me to be. He has also given me more strength to get over this wedding cycle that I have been going through lately (it was slightly self-induced due to the 3 guys who were kinda in my life).
I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna go to bed. Read James 3-4, hopefully it can help you wherever you are in life. Let G-d convict you because we have to be broken before we can be reshaped by Him. It's like muscles. You have to over-work them so they rip (microscopically, a large muscle tear is a serious problem and you should get that looked at...), but G-d created our bodies so that when they are repaired they get bigger and stronger!
Friday, July 19, 2013
Why?
Lately I have had so many people question my every move.
"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Why have you never dated anyone?"
"Why did you move in with your brother?"
"Why are you broke?"
"Why, why, why, why, why?"
My reply: Why is it any of your business and why do you care?
Of course, I never really questioned them, but I kinda wanted to. I am just a very private person and I don't mind sharing about myself, but I don't even know why I do everything so I can't explain it to myself let alone anyone else.
For the past couple weeks I have been mulling over my future in my head again and again. Why kind of nurse will I be? When/where will I meet my husband? Will I get a CNA job in a hospital? How will school be? Will I make tons of friends or just be one of those people who everyone considers a friend but is actually very lonely because she doesn't get close to anyone? (I already am like that.) Where will I live when I graduate? How will the next few years turn out for myself and my brother? Will we live peacefully together or will we kill each other? What is even going on?!
I desperately need to get out of my head and just let G-d control my life. He controls our lives whether we give Him reign or not, but life is way easier if we are not fighting tooth and nail for our silly desires and our plans because G-d always has what we want and need in His plans for our life.
Daily Thanksgiving: My mema came into town and I get to see her tomorrow! I also get to volunteer tomorrow, which I love to do. I got 140/120 on my micro unknown organism project and I got 80% on my vocab test from Wednesday. So far, living with my brother has been great and he got a really good financial aid award which means that we will not be overly stressed for money this year!!! I am so relieved I can't even explain it.
"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Why have you never dated anyone?"
"Why did you move in with your brother?"
"Why are you broke?"
"Why, why, why, why, why?"
My reply: Why is it any of your business and why do you care?
Of course, I never really questioned them, but I kinda wanted to. I am just a very private person and I don't mind sharing about myself, but I don't even know why I do everything so I can't explain it to myself let alone anyone else.
For the past couple weeks I have been mulling over my future in my head again and again. Why kind of nurse will I be? When/where will I meet my husband? Will I get a CNA job in a hospital? How will school be? Will I make tons of friends or just be one of those people who everyone considers a friend but is actually very lonely because she doesn't get close to anyone? (I already am like that.) Where will I live when I graduate? How will the next few years turn out for myself and my brother? Will we live peacefully together or will we kill each other? What is even going on?!
I desperately need to get out of my head and just let G-d control my life. He controls our lives whether we give Him reign or not, but life is way easier if we are not fighting tooth and nail for our silly desires and our plans because G-d always has what we want and need in His plans for our life.
Daily Thanksgiving: My mema came into town and I get to see her tomorrow! I also get to volunteer tomorrow, which I love to do. I got 140/120 on my micro unknown organism project and I got 80% on my vocab test from Wednesday. So far, living with my brother has been great and he got a really good financial aid award which means that we will not be overly stressed for money this year!!! I am so relieved I can't even explain it.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Job Hunt
I've been looking for another job, hopefully in a hospital, but I'm not getting any bites yet. I would really like to work somewhere that would pay me more and where I could get some experience in the hospital. Unfortunately, I went for an interview 2 weeks ago and they still haven't called me back. On the bright side, positions in the NICU opened up! The job would be a unit secretary of the unit and so I have applied for that position like 6 times, no joke! I just want to do something else besides working in a nursing home. I absolutely love my patients, but I'm burn out at this place. I don't make much but they require us to do so many extra little things since our residents have such severe behaviors. I want the residents to be safe and to be as comfortable and engaged as possible, but the administrators change so frequently that they don't necessarily know what is really going on with the residents.
I suppose I am largely to blame for getting burnt out. Trying to work 50+ hours a week on top of taking microbiology in a condensed, intense course was not a wise choice. Maybe when I get my two weeks of summer in between my week-long course and my actual fall nursing classes I can work a 3-4 doubles and then take the rest of the time off to go camping, swimming, fishing, muddin', etc. For some reason I keep thinking that this summer wouldn't have been so bad if I could have just worked and not had the stress of school, but I would have been burnt out still working so much. A major positive, however, is that I have made loads of friends at work and I am getting way faster at toileting, feeding, bathing, dressing, vitals, and everything else a CNA does! So, being so exhausted is not completely a terrible thing because I don't feel so lost anymore and work is now just work instead of being this awful beast that I dreaded with all of my being.
I got a 88% on my last test in micro too! I can't remember if I had already told you about that or not yet, so here it is. I cut down on my hours and actually studied for this last test and G-d gave me an amazing grade. Plus, I finally got a textbook so I can finally study for the course instead of guessing... I would have been making much better grades if I would have had the book the whole time, but you life and learn I suppose.
Daily Thanksgiving: I got to go swimming with my friend and we had a nice afternoon hanging out. I got a really good grade and I'm getting somewhere around a B in micro. G-d provided me with a great apartment that I am loving more and more each day. I got to see my brother yesterday and he got a job down here so he should be coming back down to stay here shortly! My boys (my guy friends from school) are moving in to the complex (the same apartment complex as me) at the end of this month. That means that I will have all of my boys to protect me and I can protect them, once I get my shotgun... Anywho, I have to go to work tomorrow, but then I have the rest of the week off until Thursday and I hope to get a lot accomplished on my days off but I also pray that the days I go to work will be nonstressful, good, calm, easy days. I have friends at work!
I suppose I am largely to blame for getting burnt out. Trying to work 50+ hours a week on top of taking microbiology in a condensed, intense course was not a wise choice. Maybe when I get my two weeks of summer in between my week-long course and my actual fall nursing classes I can work a 3-4 doubles and then take the rest of the time off to go camping, swimming, fishing, muddin', etc. For some reason I keep thinking that this summer wouldn't have been so bad if I could have just worked and not had the stress of school, but I would have been burnt out still working so much. A major positive, however, is that I have made loads of friends at work and I am getting way faster at toileting, feeding, bathing, dressing, vitals, and everything else a CNA does! So, being so exhausted is not completely a terrible thing because I don't feel so lost anymore and work is now just work instead of being this awful beast that I dreaded with all of my being.
I got a 88% on my last test in micro too! I can't remember if I had already told you about that or not yet, so here it is. I cut down on my hours and actually studied for this last test and G-d gave me an amazing grade. Plus, I finally got a textbook so I can finally study for the course instead of guessing... I would have been making much better grades if I would have had the book the whole time, but you life and learn I suppose.
Daily Thanksgiving: I got to go swimming with my friend and we had a nice afternoon hanging out. I got a really good grade and I'm getting somewhere around a B in micro. G-d provided me with a great apartment that I am loving more and more each day. I got to see my brother yesterday and he got a job down here so he should be coming back down to stay here shortly! My boys (my guy friends from school) are moving in to the complex (the same apartment complex as me) at the end of this month. That means that I will have all of my boys to protect me and I can protect them, once I get my shotgun... Anywho, I have to go to work tomorrow, but then I have the rest of the week off until Thursday and I hope to get a lot accomplished on my days off but I also pray that the days I go to work will be nonstressful, good, calm, easy days. I have friends at work!
Friday, July 12, 2013
I GOT INTERNET!!!
So, it turns out that the modem was up at the front desk of my apartment complex since July 4th and it's now July 12... Now I know that when the front desk signs for a package, they don't notify you that it's come. That's really good to know.
Anyway, let's get down to the juicy news.
Haha, there is none. Come on folks, let's face it, I never really have anything "juicy" going on in my life.
Outline for today's post as promised:
1) My rant about boys... They have been driving me nuts, but I still love them. My country boy, when I had originally posted this, had not texted me for about a week and a half after I told him I wasn't going to date anyone right now. I guess it's not really the fault of boys though, for the most part, it just drives me insane that I find myself thinking about them so much. I beat myself up wondering what I had done to cause him to stop texting me for so long. Then I considered breaking my promise to G-d about not dating for awhile. By breaking the promise to G-d, I would have been breaking the promise to my future husband too. I almost considered kissing this boy! Why? I don't know. I think it's probably hormones which makes me mad because I should be able to control my thoughts, but I didn't feel in control during that whole ordeal. He finally texted me a few nights ago. Then I texted him the next night and we had a short little conversation both times, but he doesn't seem interested anymore. That is totally okay though because I don't think that 1) we were meant for each other, 2) that dating him would have been a good idea. I thought he was cute, interesting, fun, etc, but my friend (that had grown up with him) discouraged me from even going down that path. I figure she knows better than I do.
Also, boys keep using the same lines with me. It may be a different boy, but they all say the same words! I know that they are lying so why do they try it? "I think you are gorgeous and the most intelligent girl I have ever met, blah, blah, blah." Seriously? I own mirrors, first of all. Secondly, you've talked to me for a total of 15 seconds and you think I'm the most intelligent girl you've ever talked to? I am smart and I am made beautifully (as we all are) by G-d, but don't try to flatter me by stretching the truth so that we both know that you're lying. Come on!
2) My future blind-date... So, the girls at work started asking (completely randomly) if I had a boyfriend. I said no. They asked why. I told them that boys are silly (I did not even get into the whole situation mentioned above or the millions of other things that have happened to me that prove this statement). One of the girls just happens to have a brother who is 22 and he isn't dating anyone either. Naturally this means that the both of us need to get hitched and start breeding like rabbits, right? Now they are convinced that we belong together and that we really are going to get married. In this hypothetical life they have created, the only part that I agree with is the fact that our first date would be at a gun range. I don't agree with the person I would be going with or anything else besides that, but a date at the gun range would be fun!
3) A description of my new apartment... It's amazing! Everything I wanted, minus the price. It's a little bit more than I had originally wanted to spend each month, but I have a washer/dryer in my apartment! I have a fire place and my brother and I both have our own bathrooms! So no fighting over the mirror in the mornings.
4) I keep having dreams about being pregnant and about boys... This one was probably stemming from my country boy problems, but it has since subsided. It was driving me crazy though because I was trying to stop thinking about him, but then I started having dreams about being pregnant and married and dating/marrying him. Unfortunately, I now really want to get married really soon and I think I would love to be pregnant (after I'm married, of course). So, now I am struggling with these thoughts.
5) Random people keep asking me if I'm dating, including residents!... Why? It's like I had a sign on my forehead asking people to ask me if I am dating/marrying someone. Good grief! Even residents (not just one, several) asked me what my future husband looked like, where my boyfriend is, etc. Maybe G-d is trying to tell me something? I don't know. Whatever is happening though should definitely stop because I'm getting confused and antsy waiting for him. Trust me! I just found out cute boys sometimes think I'm cute too, so now I have a hope in my head that I will get married and I want to be married already!
Remind me to tell y'all about the funny things my residents have been saying lately though! My goodness, I've gotten some gems these past few days of work.
Daily Thanksgiving: G-d has provided an apartment, gotten my brother into college (right after we had already signed for the apartment even though we didn't know if he would come down with me or not), provided internet, and He got me an 86% on my latest micro test!!! Plus, He has shown me that the attraction I feel towards some boys is not entirely one-sided. In fact, more boys like me than just the ones I like and think are cute. This is dangerous for me because I'm starting to daydream about my future husband, but it's giving me hope that I will be a wife eventually, and maybe even a mom!
Anyway, let's get down to the juicy news.
Haha, there is none. Come on folks, let's face it, I never really have anything "juicy" going on in my life.
Outline for today's post as promised:
1) My rant about boys... They have been driving me nuts, but I still love them. My country boy, when I had originally posted this, had not texted me for about a week and a half after I told him I wasn't going to date anyone right now. I guess it's not really the fault of boys though, for the most part, it just drives me insane that I find myself thinking about them so much. I beat myself up wondering what I had done to cause him to stop texting me for so long. Then I considered breaking my promise to G-d about not dating for awhile. By breaking the promise to G-d, I would have been breaking the promise to my future husband too. I almost considered kissing this boy! Why? I don't know. I think it's probably hormones which makes me mad because I should be able to control my thoughts, but I didn't feel in control during that whole ordeal. He finally texted me a few nights ago. Then I texted him the next night and we had a short little conversation both times, but he doesn't seem interested anymore. That is totally okay though because I don't think that 1) we were meant for each other, 2) that dating him would have been a good idea. I thought he was cute, interesting, fun, etc, but my friend (that had grown up with him) discouraged me from even going down that path. I figure she knows better than I do.
Also, boys keep using the same lines with me. It may be a different boy, but they all say the same words! I know that they are lying so why do they try it? "I think you are gorgeous and the most intelligent girl I have ever met, blah, blah, blah." Seriously? I own mirrors, first of all. Secondly, you've talked to me for a total of 15 seconds and you think I'm the most intelligent girl you've ever talked to? I am smart and I am made beautifully (as we all are) by G-d, but don't try to flatter me by stretching the truth so that we both know that you're lying. Come on!
2) My future blind-date... So, the girls at work started asking (completely randomly) if I had a boyfriend. I said no. They asked why. I told them that boys are silly (I did not even get into the whole situation mentioned above or the millions of other things that have happened to me that prove this statement). One of the girls just happens to have a brother who is 22 and he isn't dating anyone either. Naturally this means that the both of us need to get hitched and start breeding like rabbits, right? Now they are convinced that we belong together and that we really are going to get married. In this hypothetical life they have created, the only part that I agree with is the fact that our first date would be at a gun range. I don't agree with the person I would be going with or anything else besides that, but a date at the gun range would be fun!
3) A description of my new apartment... It's amazing! Everything I wanted, minus the price. It's a little bit more than I had originally wanted to spend each month, but I have a washer/dryer in my apartment! I have a fire place and my brother and I both have our own bathrooms! So no fighting over the mirror in the mornings.
4) I keep having dreams about being pregnant and about boys... This one was probably stemming from my country boy problems, but it has since subsided. It was driving me crazy though because I was trying to stop thinking about him, but then I started having dreams about being pregnant and married and dating/marrying him. Unfortunately, I now really want to get married really soon and I think I would love to be pregnant (after I'm married, of course). So, now I am struggling with these thoughts.
5) Random people keep asking me if I'm dating, including residents!... Why? It's like I had a sign on my forehead asking people to ask me if I am dating/marrying someone. Good grief! Even residents (not just one, several) asked me what my future husband looked like, where my boyfriend is, etc. Maybe G-d is trying to tell me something? I don't know. Whatever is happening though should definitely stop because I'm getting confused and antsy waiting for him. Trust me! I just found out cute boys sometimes think I'm cute too, so now I have a hope in my head that I will get married and I want to be married already!
Remind me to tell y'all about the funny things my residents have been saying lately though! My goodness, I've gotten some gems these past few days of work.
Daily Thanksgiving: G-d has provided an apartment, gotten my brother into college (right after we had already signed for the apartment even though we didn't know if he would come down with me or not), provided internet, and He got me an 86% on my latest micro test!!! Plus, He has shown me that the attraction I feel towards some boys is not entirely one-sided. In fact, more boys like me than just the ones I like and think are cute. This is dangerous for me because I'm starting to daydream about my future husband, but it's giving me hope that I will be a wife eventually, and maybe even a mom!
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Beautiful Number
Yesterday, I went back to the testing center (after the fiasco and rescheduling on Tuesday) and I got to actually take the HESI!!! It was such a relief. After each subtest section, they also score it right away, which I really like because then you don't have to wait for weeks to see your scores. Since I had been there the day before yesterday, the gentleman who was checking me in gave me preferential treatment too! How nice, right? Even though I had come in right on time, other people had been there first and so they would have been up next. However, he chose to let me come in a little bit before my technical time and before taking me back to be interrogated and scanned with a metal detector, he asked if I wanted to keep studying or not. I am blown away by their level of customer service because the customers already pay for the test before they come to the testing center, so it's not like the employees have to be nice to ensure that they get paid. Regardless, they were so kind and kept me in the loop the entire two hours I was there on Tuesday. Also, I have to say that being kind and courteous, especially in frustrating and stressful situation, will definitely help you. Show some grace to people when things are going wrong because they will notice it and they will help you in any way that they can. Even if they don't, it will show G-d's love to someone that may be needing to see grace and Yeshua in their everyday life.
So, praise the L-rd! He got me a 93.43% on the test! I was hoping for a 94%, but I heard that anything over 90% is usually good news. Now, I will just be waiting until the end of the month to learn if I can switch over to nursing courses or not!!!
Advice: Buy the study books, study, take the practice tests, score them, and keep studying. Pray, pray, pray. This last one is the most important, by far. No one can get you a better score than G-d. Don't use Him as a last resort to procrastination though, you have to practice a working faith. This means that you need to work on your relationship with Him, and study on your own too. Working faith means that you go and prepare as far as you are able, in your personal, human ability, then you trust G-d to bring the rest.
So, praise the L-rd! He got me a 93.43% on the test! I was hoping for a 94%, but I heard that anything over 90% is usually good news. Now, I will just be waiting until the end of the month to learn if I can switch over to nursing courses or not!!!
Advice: Buy the study books, study, take the practice tests, score them, and keep studying. Pray, pray, pray. This last one is the most important, by far. No one can get you a better score than G-d. Don't use Him as a last resort to procrastination though, you have to practice a working faith. This means that you need to work on your relationship with Him, and study on your own too. Working faith means that you go and prepare as far as you are able, in your personal, human ability, then you trust G-d to bring the rest.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Been Away
Wow, I logged in this morning and there were viewers from all around the world in my little stats column. I want to say there were about 5-6 other countries besides the US which is just amazing to me! Plus, we've surpassed 900 pageviews which makes me so happy!!!
What's up Washington and Utah! How are y'all doing? Russia, Malaysia, Germany, Argentina, Brazil, Venezuela and America, it's nice to see you checking in! How is everyone doing?
Sorry I've not been posting anything lately. It turns out that I am extremely busy when I come home from college and I just plain forget to keep y'all in the loop. I plan on changing that and this post will likely be very long...
First of all, I would like to add something to my advice the the older me:
13) Set and enforce boundaries. They need to be put in place in order to make sure you stay safe and do not get walked on. Other peoples feelings are important, but you cannot control how they feel or react to your boundaries and you must be aware of that. Make sure that you respect yourself enough to set boundaries to protect yourself and your sanity, then enforce them in a loving way.
Next, I have some good news. (Sorry about the elementary school writing today-the first, next, etc-I'm just keeping all my information spread out in case you need to take a few sittings to read this ever-growing post.) The good news is that I got an 86% on my anatomy final, which I thought would secure a solid B in the class. G-d had other plans, however. He got my an A-! Last semester I was distraught at the idea that I would not get a 4.0 gpa because I got an A- in this same class last semester too. This semester though, I am so very happy that my gpa is not going to drop further! I was sure I was also going to get a B+ or A- in chem, but the L-rd got me an A in chem. Praise the L-rd! He is getting me amazing grades even though I didn't think I would get them and it was all Him because I did not work as hard as I should have this semester.
Also, my guy friend and I talked a little bit. I am so glad that he brings the feelings and stuff up, because I really am not good at talking about feelings. It was a good talk. We discussed what has been going on and where we are headed. He said he would treat me right if we ever begin dating and I completely believe him. I mentioned my boundaries and he is totally respectful of them. I also mentioned it could be 3-7 years (huge span I know) before I could begin to even conceive of myself getting in a relationship, he respected that too and said he would wait. After feeling like I have just been used by all the guys that have shown interest in me in the past, it is so strange to know that he cherishes me. He does not speak inappropriately to me, he listens to me and is honest with me when I ask for advice. Though I have not dated anyone-and I am very glad I have not!-the qualities he possesses will be qualities that girls need to look for. He holds open doors, lets me speak my mind, and he tries to learn about me. Even my beliefs about G-d, the Bible, and the Holy Days/holidays I celebrate; he is trying to learn about it all! I pray that I do not break his heart, because we do not know if we will even work out at the end of my schooling of 3-7 years, but I have told him that he can date others and we will reassess when I am finished, if need be. For now, we are in a pleasant zone between friends and dating. I don't know how long this will be pleasant for us. Perhaps there will be major shifting sometime down the road and we will decide we are not right for each other far before my schooling is completed. Currently, however, I am satisfied and comfortable knowing that he knows my desires for dating, some of my boundaries, and my timescale. He is so very respectful, I am having a hard time believing our talk went so well, mainly because I tend to royally screw things up.
Finally, I want to tell you about my brother. All this year he has been perplexing to me. I would walk in the door after being gone at school for a month and he would tell me to go home (he meant back to school). He did not like me or be very nice to me and we would fight so much. Then, about a week or two ago, he texted me letting me know he was applying to my college. This was surprising because he had already applied to the community college near our parents home and he was planning on staying at home with them to finish up his prereques for school. Now, he is applying to my school and asking to move in with me when I get an apartment. Since I have gotten home this last week, we have been hanging out and talking about how we would furnish the apartment, if he gets into my university. We went to lunch yesterday and we talked like old friends. This relationship with my brother is what I missed to very much this last year. I had given it to G-d and accepted that my brother may never speak to me again. Then G-d turned my brother's heart back to accepting me. We have not had a fight since I have been home (which is rare for us to go this long), and he is kind to me without expecting me to do anything for him in return. For this, my heart is so very joyful.
Daily Thanksgivings: I was able to go to shul on Saturday for Shavuot (more on this holiday later). I got an A- in anatomy!!! I am finished with school. My brother graduates high school on friday, he's getting so big... My brother is being very kind and treating me like a comrad, instead of an enemy. My guy friend initiated another feelings talk and it went very well. I am home. The pain I received from the email I received from my former roommate is subsiding substantially. I have likely lost her friendship, which I understand because I was unable to warn her earlier, but all of this is for the best and G-d is calming my heart. He is taking my burden of worry, stress, guilt and unrighteous anger from me.
Praise the L-rd! My cup runneth over.
1 Peter 5:7 - "Cast all your anxieties upon Him because He cares for you."
This verse seems to be my life verse. Despite the many anxieties I have (and many are made up in my head), He takes them all and calms my heart. He alone can do this. He alone takes my depression and protects me (often from myself when the depression gets really bad). He soothes me when sleep will not come and I cry in my room because I feel alone or stressed. He is always with me, even when I feel completely isolated from the billions of other people on this giant rock. He even fashioned me, this giant rock, and the universe. He knows my every weakness, yet He loves me. He knows my past, He is with me in my present, and He has gone before me into my future. He loves me when no one else seems to be able to. He protects me from the dangers of this world. He provides for my every need and teaches me how to live, trust, and love. He is everything I need, yet He plants desires in my heart, then fulfills them!
What's up Washington and Utah! How are y'all doing? Russia, Malaysia, Germany, Argentina, Brazil, Venezuela and America, it's nice to see you checking in! How is everyone doing?
Sorry I've not been posting anything lately. It turns out that I am extremely busy when I come home from college and I just plain forget to keep y'all in the loop. I plan on changing that and this post will likely be very long...
First of all, I would like to add something to my advice the the older me:
13) Set and enforce boundaries. They need to be put in place in order to make sure you stay safe and do not get walked on. Other peoples feelings are important, but you cannot control how they feel or react to your boundaries and you must be aware of that. Make sure that you respect yourself enough to set boundaries to protect yourself and your sanity, then enforce them in a loving way.
Next, I have some good news. (Sorry about the elementary school writing today-the first, next, etc-I'm just keeping all my information spread out in case you need to take a few sittings to read this ever-growing post.) The good news is that I got an 86% on my anatomy final, which I thought would secure a solid B in the class. G-d had other plans, however. He got my an A-! Last semester I was distraught at the idea that I would not get a 4.0 gpa because I got an A- in this same class last semester too. This semester though, I am so very happy that my gpa is not going to drop further! I was sure I was also going to get a B+ or A- in chem, but the L-rd got me an A in chem. Praise the L-rd! He is getting me amazing grades even though I didn't think I would get them and it was all Him because I did not work as hard as I should have this semester.
Also, my guy friend and I talked a little bit. I am so glad that he brings the feelings and stuff up, because I really am not good at talking about feelings. It was a good talk. We discussed what has been going on and where we are headed. He said he would treat me right if we ever begin dating and I completely believe him. I mentioned my boundaries and he is totally respectful of them. I also mentioned it could be 3-7 years (huge span I know) before I could begin to even conceive of myself getting in a relationship, he respected that too and said he would wait. After feeling like I have just been used by all the guys that have shown interest in me in the past, it is so strange to know that he cherishes me. He does not speak inappropriately to me, he listens to me and is honest with me when I ask for advice. Though I have not dated anyone-and I am very glad I have not!-the qualities he possesses will be qualities that girls need to look for. He holds open doors, lets me speak my mind, and he tries to learn about me. Even my beliefs about G-d, the Bible, and the Holy Days/holidays I celebrate; he is trying to learn about it all! I pray that I do not break his heart, because we do not know if we will even work out at the end of my schooling of 3-7 years, but I have told him that he can date others and we will reassess when I am finished, if need be. For now, we are in a pleasant zone between friends and dating. I don't know how long this will be pleasant for us. Perhaps there will be major shifting sometime down the road and we will decide we are not right for each other far before my schooling is completed. Currently, however, I am satisfied and comfortable knowing that he knows my desires for dating, some of my boundaries, and my timescale. He is so very respectful, I am having a hard time believing our talk went so well, mainly because I tend to royally screw things up.
Finally, I want to tell you about my brother. All this year he has been perplexing to me. I would walk in the door after being gone at school for a month and he would tell me to go home (he meant back to school). He did not like me or be very nice to me and we would fight so much. Then, about a week or two ago, he texted me letting me know he was applying to my college. This was surprising because he had already applied to the community college near our parents home and he was planning on staying at home with them to finish up his prereques for school. Now, he is applying to my school and asking to move in with me when I get an apartment. Since I have gotten home this last week, we have been hanging out and talking about how we would furnish the apartment, if he gets into my university. We went to lunch yesterday and we talked like old friends. This relationship with my brother is what I missed to very much this last year. I had given it to G-d and accepted that my brother may never speak to me again. Then G-d turned my brother's heart back to accepting me. We have not had a fight since I have been home (which is rare for us to go this long), and he is kind to me without expecting me to do anything for him in return. For this, my heart is so very joyful.
Daily Thanksgivings: I was able to go to shul on Saturday for Shavuot (more on this holiday later). I got an A- in anatomy!!! I am finished with school. My brother graduates high school on friday, he's getting so big... My brother is being very kind and treating me like a comrad, instead of an enemy. My guy friend initiated another feelings talk and it went very well. I am home. The pain I received from the email I received from my former roommate is subsiding substantially. I have likely lost her friendship, which I understand because I was unable to warn her earlier, but all of this is for the best and G-d is calming my heart. He is taking my burden of worry, stress, guilt and unrighteous anger from me.
Praise the L-rd! My cup runneth over.
1 Peter 5:7 - "Cast all your anxieties upon Him because He cares for you."
This verse seems to be my life verse. Despite the many anxieties I have (and many are made up in my head), He takes them all and calms my heart. He alone can do this. He alone takes my depression and protects me (often from myself when the depression gets really bad). He soothes me when sleep will not come and I cry in my room because I feel alone or stressed. He is always with me, even when I feel completely isolated from the billions of other people on this giant rock. He even fashioned me, this giant rock, and the universe. He knows my every weakness, yet He loves me. He knows my past, He is with me in my present, and He has gone before me into my future. He loves me when no one else seems to be able to. He protects me from the dangers of this world. He provides for my every need and teaches me how to live, trust, and love. He is everything I need, yet He plants desires in my heart, then fulfills them!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Beautiful Shabbat
Y'all, I actually rested today! I read Torah portion in bed, then stayed in bed all day long. That's over exaggerated, I left bed to use the bathroom and to get food or water, but besides that I stayed in bed. I got to nap and watch some movies and shows and it was just beautiful to be able to not worry about anything.
I also got my grade back from my last anatomy lab test... drumroll... G-d gave me a 94%!!! If only I would have studied harder for my other lab tests, then I wouldn't be looking at getting a B in anatomy, but I was foolish. Anyway, praise the L-rd for giving me my first A on an anatomy lab test this semester. That good grade gave me motivation to get started studying for chem (after sunset of course) which is why I am up at 11:30 writing this post instead of sleeping like I ought to do.
Daily Thanksgiving: I am so very thankful for Shabbat, this beautiful day of rest G-d has given us because He knows life gets busy and He wants us to make time for Him and time for rest. I am still not keeping Shabbat like I should, but I will get there. I got to take a nap! Yesterday I also packed a lot of my room and now it's really empty, but it felt good to get something productive done without having to continue studying. G-d gave me an excellent grade on my last anatomy lab test and I was totally expecting a low B or C!
I also got my grade back from my last anatomy lab test... drumroll... G-d gave me a 94%!!! If only I would have studied harder for my other lab tests, then I wouldn't be looking at getting a B in anatomy, but I was foolish. Anyway, praise the L-rd for giving me my first A on an anatomy lab test this semester. That good grade gave me motivation to get started studying for chem (after sunset of course) which is why I am up at 11:30 writing this post instead of sleeping like I ought to do.
Daily Thanksgiving: I am so very thankful for Shabbat, this beautiful day of rest G-d has given us because He knows life gets busy and He wants us to make time for Him and time for rest. I am still not keeping Shabbat like I should, but I will get there. I got to take a nap! Yesterday I also packed a lot of my room and now it's really empty, but it felt good to get something productive done without having to continue studying. G-d gave me an excellent grade on my last anatomy lab test and I was totally expecting a low B or C!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Super Simple
I'm staying simple today because I'm exhausted and ready for bed!
So, here are my Daily Thanksgivings: I had an excellent day at work today. My residents are making work more fun, now that I am finally getting slightly faster. Also, G-d is making work much easier for me. Today's weather was absolutely gorgeous! I was able to talk to one of my friends about something that I had been scared to talk about, and it actually went really well and I disguised it as a joke, but they got the message. Praise the L-rd for that!!!
Also, 3 weeks of school left before summer! I know I am using a lot of exclamation points, but it's just a good day. I am so ready to be done with school and I am ready to no longer be a freshman. L-rd willing, I will only have 3 years left until I'm a nurse, but we will see how that goes...
How are y'all doing? Any exciting news? Any advice for the HESI coming up here shortly? Are any of you fixin' to take it this summer too? (Lots of questions I know, but join in the conversation, I would love to hear from you and we can freak out about grades and nursing school together!)
So, here are my Daily Thanksgivings: I had an excellent day at work today. My residents are making work more fun, now that I am finally getting slightly faster. Also, G-d is making work much easier for me. Today's weather was absolutely gorgeous! I was able to talk to one of my friends about something that I had been scared to talk about, and it actually went really well and I disguised it as a joke, but they got the message. Praise the L-rd for that!!!
Also, 3 weeks of school left before summer! I know I am using a lot of exclamation points, but it's just a good day. I am so ready to be done with school and I am ready to no longer be a freshman. L-rd willing, I will only have 3 years left until I'm a nurse, but we will see how that goes...
How are y'all doing? Any exciting news? Any advice for the HESI coming up here shortly? Are any of you fixin' to take it this summer too? (Lots of questions I know, but join in the conversation, I would love to hear from you and we can freak out about grades and nursing school together!)
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Good News
Y'all, I have some good news... I got an 86% on my chem test and I did not fail it! Bad news is I will probably only be able to pass the class with a B and not an A, but I didn't fail my test and I will, L-rd willing, pass this class.
I am so ready to be done with school, it's exhausting being stressed out all the time! On the bright side, I was so frustrated with school, life, and my poor life-decisions that I decided to go to the gym. That lead to an hour and a half on the treadmill. Now, I still only walk, I didn't run today or do the elliptical, but I'm getting better every time I go to the gym. I just have to tackle the elliptical and then the stair stepper, then I should be on track to continue working out.
Tomorrow I get to go home to celebrate my parents 19th wedding anniversary. They got married a few weeks after I was born which is why their anniversary is so close to my birthday and also why there is a similarity in the numbers... But they have stayed together for a long time, especially for people who hardly knew each other when they got married. That's the funny thing about life though, you never really know anyone, plus they are always changing anyway so you will never fully know anyone.
Guys, did you watch Duck Dynasty? Tonight's season finale was hilarious! I love that show so much! These guys remind me of my dad's friends, and the parties they used to throw, and me hanging out with their sons, getting into mischief. I was just another one of the guys, but a girl... We had a blast though. Anyway, watch the show and laugh a lot because it releases endorphins or something and cuts down on stress hormones. I feel better from my tough week. Only a little better, but it's better all the same.
Daily Thanksgiving: I got a B on my chem test so I didn't fail it. I got to watch Duck Dynasty. My tests are over, until finals week. I got a few opportunities to house sit this summer, down close the the community college I'm going to for micro so I can save on rent. I made my back-up schedule for next fall. G-d is allowing me to get good grades. While they may not be the A's I'm hoping for, He is still providing for me to get good grades even though I have not been studying like I should have been. I am very thankful to be a child of the One True G-d and He provides for me in ways I could not even imagine.
I am so ready to be done with school, it's exhausting being stressed out all the time! On the bright side, I was so frustrated with school, life, and my poor life-decisions that I decided to go to the gym. That lead to an hour and a half on the treadmill. Now, I still only walk, I didn't run today or do the elliptical, but I'm getting better every time I go to the gym. I just have to tackle the elliptical and then the stair stepper, then I should be on track to continue working out.
Tomorrow I get to go home to celebrate my parents 19th wedding anniversary. They got married a few weeks after I was born which is why their anniversary is so close to my birthday and also why there is a similarity in the numbers... But they have stayed together for a long time, especially for people who hardly knew each other when they got married. That's the funny thing about life though, you never really know anyone, plus they are always changing anyway so you will never fully know anyone.
Guys, did you watch Duck Dynasty? Tonight's season finale was hilarious! I love that show so much! These guys remind me of my dad's friends, and the parties they used to throw, and me hanging out with their sons, getting into mischief. I was just another one of the guys, but a girl... We had a blast though. Anyway, watch the show and laugh a lot because it releases endorphins or something and cuts down on stress hormones. I feel better from my tough week. Only a little better, but it's better all the same.
Daily Thanksgiving: I got a B on my chem test so I didn't fail it. I got to watch Duck Dynasty. My tests are over, until finals week. I got a few opportunities to house sit this summer, down close the the community college I'm going to for micro so I can save on rent. I made my back-up schedule for next fall. G-d is allowing me to get good grades. While they may not be the A's I'm hoping for, He is still providing for me to get good grades even though I have not been studying like I should have been. I am very thankful to be a child of the One True G-d and He provides for me in ways I could not even imagine.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Super Great Day
For being a sunday, and having to work, I had a great day! Y'all got me up to 500 views, I had a great CNA teacher/partner today, and I felt like I knew what I was doing. So, today was a good day.
The LPN was so stinkin' sweet. She is always asking if I'm doing alright and if everything is going well. Then the float CNA was kind enough to sit down and start talking to me. My partner was very nice and told me a bunch of tricks to help with the floor I was on and she even thanked me at the end of the night. I know that's not because she was really thankful that I was there, but she was just being polite and kind. After working for four months here with CNA's that have been here close to three decades, I have come to expect rudeness, yelling, and embarrassment. Not today though! Today, I was feeling like I knew what was going on, for the most part, and the LPN and CNA's were so sweet I can't even begin to describe how nice it is. Regardless of how fantastic my day was, I'm still beyond exhausted.
Tonight I get to finish my paper, and turn it in, for English... I love my teacher, but I still HATE writing papers. It's just not my forte and I don't understand what makes good writing. I also don't understand how I get a good grade on one paper and not on others. What makes the writing worth an A?
Daily Thanksgiving: I had a great day at work, I have amazing nursing staff to work with, and I am done with work for the week. Also, I am very glad that I only have a small section of my paper to finish writing instead of half of it. Finally, I got a B on my anatomy practical (I can't remember if I said that in a past post or not) and I got a 19/20 on my take-home chem quiz. Now we just have to wait and see how I did on my other tests...
Praise the L-rd for a good, safe day!!!
The LPN was so stinkin' sweet. She is always asking if I'm doing alright and if everything is going well. Then the float CNA was kind enough to sit down and start talking to me. My partner was very nice and told me a bunch of tricks to help with the floor I was on and she even thanked me at the end of the night. I know that's not because she was really thankful that I was there, but she was just being polite and kind. After working for four months here with CNA's that have been here close to three decades, I have come to expect rudeness, yelling, and embarrassment. Not today though! Today, I was feeling like I knew what was going on, for the most part, and the LPN and CNA's were so sweet I can't even begin to describe how nice it is. Regardless of how fantastic my day was, I'm still beyond exhausted.
Tonight I get to finish my paper, and turn it in, for English... I love my teacher, but I still HATE writing papers. It's just not my forte and I don't understand what makes good writing. I also don't understand how I get a good grade on one paper and not on others. What makes the writing worth an A?
Daily Thanksgiving: I had a great day at work, I have amazing nursing staff to work with, and I am done with work for the week. Also, I am very glad that I only have a small section of my paper to finish writing instead of half of it. Finally, I got a B on my anatomy practical (I can't remember if I said that in a past post or not) and I got a 19/20 on my take-home chem quiz. Now we just have to wait and see how I did on my other tests...
Praise the L-rd for a good, safe day!!!
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