I have been struggling with life. You guys know that... You read all of my mind's workings and tribulations. You sneak peaks into the difficulties I, unfortunately, continue to survive...
Well, this blog has gone from being about nursing school and nursing life, to one about my general life.
As such, and seeing as I don't deal with bedpans so much anymore, I have decided to rename the blog. I will now be Beauty from Ashes. [still BA, so that helps ;)]
Until next time, ladies and gents... I'll be online shopping for the foreseeable future.
***P.S.
I have attempted to change my address, but it seems to have already been taken and then also requested by another family. Long story, my address will continue to be bedpanalley.blogspot.com
Love,
BA
Showing posts with label nurse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nurse. Show all posts
Saturday, November 25, 2017
Thursday, August 24, 2017
Utterly Exhausted
For those of you that don't know, I am currently in the process of orienting to 2 hospitals. 1 hospital, I interviewed for L&D but got told that I would need to work Mom/Baby for awhile. The other hospital was scheduled for an interview the day I got the Mom/Baby offer, and that was for the NICU. Me, being my greedy self of not being able to see myself stay in Mom/Baby with no NICU baby interaction, I decided to propose working part-time at both places to the managers. Well... they accepted that bargain.
The manager for Mom/Baby told me I would work in that department for a year before being able to switch over, I told her that was absolutely too long. She countered with saying it might just be a few months (like 3-6ish months). This didn't sound great, but it sounded do-able with me also keeping my NICU critical care skills up to par.
Well, Tomorrow is finally my last day of charting class, a.k.a. my last orientation piece before going to total floor orientation. I can do floor orientation all the day long! It's the classroom nonsense that'll kill ya... slowly...
Well, I went to talk with my Mom/Baby manager about some scheduling troubles, and she offered me a L&D position, starting at the end of the month!!! OH. MY. GOSH!!! Thing is, it'll be full time instead of part time. My insurance is through the other hospital, and I can't leave the NICU, I just can't. So, am I crazy for thinking I can do 5 days a week between 2 critical care areas? Plus, the on-call shifts taking me up to 6-7 days each week!
I'm sustaining this crazy 6 days a week schedule right now, but I'm working days. I already know that working nights is a much bigger challenge when working so many "days" (shifts) in a row. That messed up circadian rhythm will actually slowly start to kill you.
I just don't know if I can do it. But I sure want to try it for awhile. Worst case scenario is that I go to PRN for NICU and keep full-time with L&D. Plus, I don't have on-call days for L&D until I complete the 3+ months of training required to begin in L&D. So, that helps for a few months to get my feet under me and my schedule ironed out a little bit.
I guess we'll see how it goes when I talk to the Mom/Baby slash L&D manager on Tuesday. She seems pretty excited to get me over to training in the field I actually wanted to be in an originally interviewed for. She actually took a similar road to me and started in Peds/PICU and transferred to L&D, but she worked both jobs at the same time for about a year or so! I think she liked that I was trying to do that and she understands the whole process and desire to do that "double specialty" type of nursing. It's like double majoring in college, except everybody thinks you're insane and you get even less sleep.
Problem is, I've been trying to find a house to rent so I can bring my dog with me. I would also need a roommate (or 2), so that my dog would have a friend while I'm working. She is currently staying with a friend of my mom's, who has another dog. This lady takes my dog for walks with her dog every day. She has a roommate that is home most of the time, except for maybe 3 hours a week (it seems like anyway, he doesn't work I don't think...). So, my dog has friends and another dog to hang out with all the time! Sometimes she even gets to go on a "field trip" to the lady's son's office because he owns his own business and hardly has customers to the office, he mostly goes out to remote locations for quotes and stuff.
So she has a really good set-up, compared to living with a night-shift nurse, who's exceedingly lazy on her days off and doesn't even get to play with her dog because she's too tired. I really feel like the worst puppy mom in the world! But I also feel terrible for leaving her at another person's house because I don't want her to feel abandoned. She gets so excited when we come to visit her! And then she goes into a depression when we leave again!!! It's too much for me to handle.
Times like these, I start to get upset that my parents aren't living together and able to house her and my brother. I get it, they were having lots of problems and it's not economical to afford a house with a backyard, just for the dog. But still, she's my dog. I picked her out, I have cared for her. She's been my best buddy since I was about 10 and I'm now 23 1/2.
I guess I'll talk it over with the lady keeping her, and I'll try to work it out with all of my managers to see what will happen. Mostly, it's a wait-and-see type of situation. The lady keeping my dog says she loves having my dog with her dog and it's not much different than her normal routine to have an extra puppy around. Plus, she appreciates the extra money every month. My current living situation is wonderful and is great while I am working so many crazy hours, and I don't have to do much since I have a roommate that does most everything around his house.
My heart says YES!!! My brain says I could probably make it work, but I'll be beyond exhausted, but I need the experience and my resume will be beyond great! My body says are you insane? I'm barely running as it is, AND WE'RE ON DAYS!!! So, mostly, I'm leaning towards the hard YES!!!!!!!!!!! But I'll talk with my manager Tuesday and discuss it a bit more.
Time to go pray! This will be quite the interesting adventure, should I choose to embark.
The manager for Mom/Baby told me I would work in that department for a year before being able to switch over, I told her that was absolutely too long. She countered with saying it might just be a few months (like 3-6ish months). This didn't sound great, but it sounded do-able with me also keeping my NICU critical care skills up to par.
Well, Tomorrow is finally my last day of charting class, a.k.a. my last orientation piece before going to total floor orientation. I can do floor orientation all the day long! It's the classroom nonsense that'll kill ya... slowly...
Well, I went to talk with my Mom/Baby manager about some scheduling troubles, and she offered me a L&D position, starting at the end of the month!!! OH. MY. GOSH!!! Thing is, it'll be full time instead of part time. My insurance is through the other hospital, and I can't leave the NICU, I just can't. So, am I crazy for thinking I can do 5 days a week between 2 critical care areas? Plus, the on-call shifts taking me up to 6-7 days each week!
I'm sustaining this crazy 6 days a week schedule right now, but I'm working days. I already know that working nights is a much bigger challenge when working so many "days" (shifts) in a row. That messed up circadian rhythm will actually slowly start to kill you.
I just don't know if I can do it. But I sure want to try it for awhile. Worst case scenario is that I go to PRN for NICU and keep full-time with L&D. Plus, I don't have on-call days for L&D until I complete the 3+ months of training required to begin in L&D. So, that helps for a few months to get my feet under me and my schedule ironed out a little bit.
I guess we'll see how it goes when I talk to the Mom/Baby slash L&D manager on Tuesday. She seems pretty excited to get me over to training in the field I actually wanted to be in an originally interviewed for. She actually took a similar road to me and started in Peds/PICU and transferred to L&D, but she worked both jobs at the same time for about a year or so! I think she liked that I was trying to do that and she understands the whole process and desire to do that "double specialty" type of nursing. It's like double majoring in college, except everybody thinks you're insane and you get even less sleep.
Problem is, I've been trying to find a house to rent so I can bring my dog with me. I would also need a roommate (or 2), so that my dog would have a friend while I'm working. She is currently staying with a friend of my mom's, who has another dog. This lady takes my dog for walks with her dog every day. She has a roommate that is home most of the time, except for maybe 3 hours a week (it seems like anyway, he doesn't work I don't think...). So, my dog has friends and another dog to hang out with all the time! Sometimes she even gets to go on a "field trip" to the lady's son's office because he owns his own business and hardly has customers to the office, he mostly goes out to remote locations for quotes and stuff.
So she has a really good set-up, compared to living with a night-shift nurse, who's exceedingly lazy on her days off and doesn't even get to play with her dog because she's too tired. I really feel like the worst puppy mom in the world! But I also feel terrible for leaving her at another person's house because I don't want her to feel abandoned. She gets so excited when we come to visit her! And then she goes into a depression when we leave again!!! It's too much for me to handle.
Times like these, I start to get upset that my parents aren't living together and able to house her and my brother. I get it, they were having lots of problems and it's not economical to afford a house with a backyard, just for the dog. But still, she's my dog. I picked her out, I have cared for her. She's been my best buddy since I was about 10 and I'm now 23 1/2.
I guess I'll talk it over with the lady keeping her, and I'll try to work it out with all of my managers to see what will happen. Mostly, it's a wait-and-see type of situation. The lady keeping my dog says she loves having my dog with her dog and it's not much different than her normal routine to have an extra puppy around. Plus, she appreciates the extra money every month. My current living situation is wonderful and is great while I am working so many crazy hours, and I don't have to do much since I have a roommate that does most everything around his house.
My heart says YES!!! My brain says I could probably make it work, but I'll be beyond exhausted, but I need the experience and my resume will be beyond great! My body says are you insane? I'm barely running as it is, AND WE'RE ON DAYS!!! So, mostly, I'm leaning towards the hard YES!!!!!!!!!!! But I'll talk with my manager Tuesday and discuss it a bit more.
Time to go pray! This will be quite the interesting adventure, should I choose to embark.
Thursday, July 6, 2017
Last Days
I resigned from my NICU job here in Small Town and have gotten several offers in College Town. So, it appears as though I'm moving back to that dreadful city. I tried to work closer to my parents so that I could live with them, but they took forever to get back to me, jobs are still pending review. Meanwhile, I have had several decent job offers in College Town and so now I'm looking at houses there.
This is exhausting. I've cried more in the past two weeks than I have my year here. I thought I was sick of this place and that it would be easy to leave, but nobody makes you feel more appreciated than when they know you are for sure leaving. Nurses and practitioners that used to get mad at me for small mistakes in critical situations (that didn't effect the outcome, nor did they really matter they are just their preferences), were all hugging me and telling me that I was a great nurse.
T hat got me thinking that so much of our identity at the hospital is simply being a "good nurse", "good CNA", "good doctor", or "good _________". Fill in the blank with whatever your title is and that's your new identity as a person within those walls. It's a difficult thing to be seen as your job title instead of as you as a person, but I guess that's all they know me as. Many of the night shifters have expressed how much they'll miss me, so that was really nice. I signed off with my parents for the last time and told them to keep in touch on our NICU Facebook page. I've cried, hugged more people than I thought possible, and I was blessed to be able to run into most everyone I wanted to say goodbye to and found the rest on Facebook.
My last week at work was wonderful. I got to do all of my favorite things, say goodbye to mass amounts of people, and my unit threw me a going away party. I felt so special and so loved. G-d orchestrated the night to let me help with breastfeeding, let parents give a bath to a little baby that dad hadn't gotten to help bathe before, I went on a delivery, got to visit with the L&D, postpartum, newborn nursery, and women's center ladies. I also got to snuggle all of my favorite little babies that are on the unit. It's crazy to think of how much I've learned this last year to be able to help teach our newer nurses some of the skills they haven't done yet. I've started to realize how much extra they taught me because I was asking to learn and do more. My charge nurse that let me have that 1:1 baby that ended up dying really took me under her wing and tried to get me as much experience as possible.
I'm going to miss our people, our babies, and this town. I've really enjoyed living here and have just now gotten to the point of having friends (because they are new and actually go do stuff with me). This decision was so difficult and going through with the move is crazy difficult. However, the pro con list is sufficient enough to sway me to try another beginning closer to my family. Mostly, the decision has come down to grandpa just having a few months because he's been doing so poorly, and my grandmother being overbearing. I love her, but I definitely need boundaries and to be allowed to be an independent adult. Now I'm off to learn all the doctors and nurse practitioners at new hospitals. I am looking for a house when I didn't think I would have to move for another year. I am moving back to College Town when I swore I would never do so because of the past I left behind there. I am praying that I don't run into the guys or their families. I am also praying that as I try to incorporate myself into new units, that I am accepted, make friends, and that I'm able to keep up with the 2 part-time jobs that I've chosen so that I can work towards L&D experience, while not losing my NICU skills and the baby snuggles I've come so accustomed to. I was so excited and happy to move down here and it's so difficult to leave.
I pray the L-rd guide me, protect me, and cover me with his grace. This is a scary road, and I hope it gets me closer to the goals I have for myself and ultimately the plans G-d has for me.
On the bright side, I've tried many of the churches there, have my couple of favorites, I know the good and bad areas of town to live in, and have some friends there. It's not going to be completely new and scary. I just need a security system with cameras, a new face and name, and now furniture because I sold all mine! It'll be nice to move somewhere and have a basis of living there, a basis of my job duties and skills, and a slight social circle. I'm terrified of the flashbacks and nightmares that have already started and of running into the guys and their families. Exboyfriend's sister works on the floor that I will be starting to work in the NICU at and that terrifies me. She didn't like me before and she sure as hell won't like me now that I've submitted police reports and sexual assault allegations against her brother. I'm praying she got a new job somewhere else and that I will never see her. I don't know what I would do if I ever did run into her and I'm seriously considering using a nickname while I'm working there. I pray the Good L-rd wipes her memory of me and that I'm just some new person on the floor.
This is exhausting. I've cried more in the past two weeks than I have my year here. I thought I was sick of this place and that it would be easy to leave, but nobody makes you feel more appreciated than when they know you are for sure leaving. Nurses and practitioners that used to get mad at me for small mistakes in critical situations (that didn't effect the outcome, nor did they really matter they are just their preferences), were all hugging me and telling me that I was a great nurse.
T hat got me thinking that so much of our identity at the hospital is simply being a "good nurse", "good CNA", "good doctor", or "good _________". Fill in the blank with whatever your title is and that's your new identity as a person within those walls. It's a difficult thing to be seen as your job title instead of as you as a person, but I guess that's all they know me as. Many of the night shifters have expressed how much they'll miss me, so that was really nice. I signed off with my parents for the last time and told them to keep in touch on our NICU Facebook page. I've cried, hugged more people than I thought possible, and I was blessed to be able to run into most everyone I wanted to say goodbye to and found the rest on Facebook.
My last week at work was wonderful. I got to do all of my favorite things, say goodbye to mass amounts of people, and my unit threw me a going away party. I felt so special and so loved. G-d orchestrated the night to let me help with breastfeeding, let parents give a bath to a little baby that dad hadn't gotten to help bathe before, I went on a delivery, got to visit with the L&D, postpartum, newborn nursery, and women's center ladies. I also got to snuggle all of my favorite little babies that are on the unit. It's crazy to think of how much I've learned this last year to be able to help teach our newer nurses some of the skills they haven't done yet. I've started to realize how much extra they taught me because I was asking to learn and do more. My charge nurse that let me have that 1:1 baby that ended up dying really took me under her wing and tried to get me as much experience as possible.
I'm going to miss our people, our babies, and this town. I've really enjoyed living here and have just now gotten to the point of having friends (because they are new and actually go do stuff with me). This decision was so difficult and going through with the move is crazy difficult. However, the pro con list is sufficient enough to sway me to try another beginning closer to my family. Mostly, the decision has come down to grandpa just having a few months because he's been doing so poorly, and my grandmother being overbearing. I love her, but I definitely need boundaries and to be allowed to be an independent adult. Now I'm off to learn all the doctors and nurse practitioners at new hospitals. I am looking for a house when I didn't think I would have to move for another year. I am moving back to College Town when I swore I would never do so because of the past I left behind there. I am praying that I don't run into the guys or their families. I am also praying that as I try to incorporate myself into new units, that I am accepted, make friends, and that I'm able to keep up with the 2 part-time jobs that I've chosen so that I can work towards L&D experience, while not losing my NICU skills and the baby snuggles I've come so accustomed to. I was so excited and happy to move down here and it's so difficult to leave.
I pray the L-rd guide me, protect me, and cover me with his grace. This is a scary road, and I hope it gets me closer to the goals I have for myself and ultimately the plans G-d has for me.
On the bright side, I've tried many of the churches there, have my couple of favorites, I know the good and bad areas of town to live in, and have some friends there. It's not going to be completely new and scary. I just need a security system with cameras, a new face and name, and now furniture because I sold all mine! It'll be nice to move somewhere and have a basis of living there, a basis of my job duties and skills, and a slight social circle. I'm terrified of the flashbacks and nightmares that have already started and of running into the guys and their families. Exboyfriend's sister works on the floor that I will be starting to work in the NICU at and that terrifies me. She didn't like me before and she sure as hell won't like me now that I've submitted police reports and sexual assault allegations against her brother. I'm praying she got a new job somewhere else and that I will never see her. I don't know what I would do if I ever did run into her and I'm seriously considering using a nickname while I'm working there. I pray the Good L-rd wipes her memory of me and that I'm just some new person on the floor.
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Graduation Came and Went, but It Turned Out Happy!
My last post was about how I was all sad at school ending. I had just finished my last final and instead of relief or happiness, I was feeling sad. Well, it's okay. Despite how difficult, frustrating, and down-right draining nursing school was, it was kind of my identity and a time of stressful excitement in my life for the past 3-4 years! The end of that is relieving, in some ways, but I've learned it's okay to be mildly sad at the ending because it's the end of a major life era.
Through nursing school/college I've:
I have talked with several of my friends, both nursing and non-nursing, that graduated with me on Friday, and they are having similar mixed feelings about graduation. Many of us are waking up in a panic because we feel we need to be in class, thought we are done now. Others are sad school is over because some of us are moving to other states and we may never see each other again, let alone every day!
Graduation is a happy time, but it's okay to be overwhelmed, sad, anxious, nervous, and a host of other emotions. Being able to feel all of these is part of what makes us human and helps us concrete these huge monuments in our memory bank.
I'll tell you a bit about how my graduation weekend went, though, just in case you were wondering...
Thursday: Pinning went well. My Mom pinned me, but Mema and Brother were able to go up on stage with me. It was a great ceremony and the Nurse's Pledge really got to me. As I was reading it with my classmates, and my family and friends listened to me promise my life for the career of a nurse, I was able to reflect and realize that nursing is my calling. The pledge sounded like it was written for me!
Friday: Graduation was wonderful! My mom's sister and her husband drove down with us. Then Brother and Dad met us at the event center. Everyone loved my cap, except my peds professor (who I've had serious problems with all semester and who mocked it in front of the other professors to my face!). I put RN but instead of "Registered Nurse" I wrote out "Redneck Nurse" and put it on camo back ground. I'm known as the class redneck and so many of my classmates and friends loved it! What's even better is that when my peds professor was mocking my cap, the other professors chimed in and told me how cute it was and how creative I was to come up with that. So, it made me feel a bit better. I got lots of pictures and had a grand ol' time during graduation. The nursing class was in the back of the graduate seating, and many of us were talking and laughing the whole time because getting through 1000+ students all graduating takes a long time! Many nursing students wore their stethoscopes as cords and I even graduated Cum Laude! I was so close to the next highest gpa, but graduating with honors at all was an accomplishment that I am very proud of.
Saturday: This was the day of my party. Many people RSVP'd, so I got food for about 50-60 people and rented a park. Unfortunately, only 3 of my friends, one of my uncles and his family came, and then two sets of family friends came. Well, my Mom, Dad, and Brother came too. It was cold and rainy, so my dad was surprised that anyone came at all, but the people that did come went out of their way to make sure that someone came to celebrate with me, so I was glad for that. I think I should have planned it for a different weekend, because so many people were having parties that day. However, it was disappointing, yet a good time to practice "spinning" the situation to find the silver lining. The spin is: the people that came are all so very dear to my heart, I was glad to be able to spend lots of time with each of them individually instead of being overwhelmed by the amount of people who showed up.
So, it was a good weekend. My favorite day was graduation. I got so many photos with friends. I shared a lot of smiles and hugs. The whole day fell into place and G-d worked out the whole weekend just the way it was supposed to be. I'm so very glad for that.
Ladies and gents, I would like to present to you... ME! I graduated counseling, nursing school, and I am beginning my adult life with a job right out of college. Life will not be easy by any means, though many days I wish it were. However, I know that sometimes the L-rd blesses others through the struggles I have and the L-rd blesses me through different events, both seemingly good and bad events. Life is a journey. It's hard, fund, and every changing. All we can do is hold on for the ride and pray that someday, our life makes a difference and we learn the lessons we are supposed to learn while here on this earth.
I'm approaching this next phase in my life with cautious optimism. I'm terrified, but I see the L-rd working every day. Most days are still a struggle, but I'm not bed-bound anymore. Even today, when it's cold and cloudy and I have nothing I really need to do, I pulled myself out of bed and got my butt to Starbucks. I'm making baby steps in my healing journey and graduating counseling is proving to be a struggle. However, I know that I can go back to counseling at any time, but it is meant to be a temporary crutch as opposed to a new life-long sentence/expense.
I graduated!
Now I'm: BedpanAlley, BSN!
I have to catch myself, I keep calling myself a nursing student instead of a newly graduated baby-nurse... I'll fix that in time. Maybe someday I'll begin to feel like a nurse, but the learning will never end. Good thing I love to learn, right?
Through nursing school/college I've:
- had countless highs and lows
- gained and lost friends
- was encouraged in my calling
- was told I would never get into the program, and then did get in!
- I went through many traumatic events, all in a 2 year time-span
- learned new things about myself
- lost pieces of what I htought was important about me, but gained new insights and strengths
- learned the basics of how to "be a nurse", according to textbooks
- had countless instructors, patients, friends, and family tell me that I was made to be a nurse
- I've cried and laughed with patients
- cuddled babies
- held the hands of people in the dying process
- celebrated "little" things with patients and families of patients
- been able to care for those who nobody else would touch
- and so much more
I have talked with several of my friends, both nursing and non-nursing, that graduated with me on Friday, and they are having similar mixed feelings about graduation. Many of us are waking up in a panic because we feel we need to be in class, thought we are done now. Others are sad school is over because some of us are moving to other states and we may never see each other again, let alone every day!
Graduation is a happy time, but it's okay to be overwhelmed, sad, anxious, nervous, and a host of other emotions. Being able to feel all of these is part of what makes us human and helps us concrete these huge monuments in our memory bank.
I'll tell you a bit about how my graduation weekend went, though, just in case you were wondering...
Thursday: Pinning went well. My Mom pinned me, but Mema and Brother were able to go up on stage with me. It was a great ceremony and the Nurse's Pledge really got to me. As I was reading it with my classmates, and my family and friends listened to me promise my life for the career of a nurse, I was able to reflect and realize that nursing is my calling. The pledge sounded like it was written for me!
Friday: Graduation was wonderful! My mom's sister and her husband drove down with us. Then Brother and Dad met us at the event center. Everyone loved my cap, except my peds professor (who I've had serious problems with all semester and who mocked it in front of the other professors to my face!). I put RN but instead of "Registered Nurse" I wrote out "Redneck Nurse" and put it on camo back ground. I'm known as the class redneck and so many of my classmates and friends loved it! What's even better is that when my peds professor was mocking my cap, the other professors chimed in and told me how cute it was and how creative I was to come up with that. So, it made me feel a bit better. I got lots of pictures and had a grand ol' time during graduation. The nursing class was in the back of the graduate seating, and many of us were talking and laughing the whole time because getting through 1000+ students all graduating takes a long time! Many nursing students wore their stethoscopes as cords and I even graduated Cum Laude! I was so close to the next highest gpa, but graduating with honors at all was an accomplishment that I am very proud of.
Saturday: This was the day of my party. Many people RSVP'd, so I got food for about 50-60 people and rented a park. Unfortunately, only 3 of my friends, one of my uncles and his family came, and then two sets of family friends came. Well, my Mom, Dad, and Brother came too. It was cold and rainy, so my dad was surprised that anyone came at all, but the people that did come went out of their way to make sure that someone came to celebrate with me, so I was glad for that. I think I should have planned it for a different weekend, because so many people were having parties that day. However, it was disappointing, yet a good time to practice "spinning" the situation to find the silver lining. The spin is: the people that came are all so very dear to my heart, I was glad to be able to spend lots of time with each of them individually instead of being overwhelmed by the amount of people who showed up.
So, it was a good weekend. My favorite day was graduation. I got so many photos with friends. I shared a lot of smiles and hugs. The whole day fell into place and G-d worked out the whole weekend just the way it was supposed to be. I'm so very glad for that.
Ladies and gents, I would like to present to you... ME! I graduated counseling, nursing school, and I am beginning my adult life with a job right out of college. Life will not be easy by any means, though many days I wish it were. However, I know that sometimes the L-rd blesses others through the struggles I have and the L-rd blesses me through different events, both seemingly good and bad events. Life is a journey. It's hard, fund, and every changing. All we can do is hold on for the ride and pray that someday, our life makes a difference and we learn the lessons we are supposed to learn while here on this earth.
I'm approaching this next phase in my life with cautious optimism. I'm terrified, but I see the L-rd working every day. Most days are still a struggle, but I'm not bed-bound anymore. Even today, when it's cold and cloudy and I have nothing I really need to do, I pulled myself out of bed and got my butt to Starbucks. I'm making baby steps in my healing journey and graduating counseling is proving to be a struggle. However, I know that I can go back to counseling at any time, but it is meant to be a temporary crutch as opposed to a new life-long sentence/expense.
I graduated!
Now I'm: BedpanAlley, BSN!
I have to catch myself, I keep calling myself a nursing student instead of a newly graduated baby-nurse... I'll fix that in time. Maybe someday I'll begin to feel like a nurse, but the learning will never end. Good thing I love to learn, right?
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Just a Little Story
There was once a girl who was a little lonely and hoping for a boy to come along that she could marry, but she was independent and mostly happy alone.
One day, she decided to go to a dance out in the country with her roommate, roommate's family, and some of her own family as well.
She hadn't danced with anyone all night until a boy came up and asked her. He asked for her number and they eventually began dating.
They were hanging out one weekend and he took it too far. She repeatedly told him no and to stop, but he did not.
She broke up with him.
She went to the ER for a sane exam a few days later. The nurses were very sweet and she found support and reassurance.
They told her it was not her fault. She learned she is not pregnant and she was fully examined to ensure no physical trauma was present.
Though she must now deal with this brokeness for the rest of her life and she will now have to explain it to her future husband, she has faith the L-rd redeems and brings beauty from the ashes. She's not okay, but she will be okay again one day.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Cloudy Weather Blues
Has anyone else noticed that with rainy and snowy days people start acting weird?
We finally got snow where I reside and the whole day was bonkers! My mom told me that her clients were strange/off/angry/grouchy/etc all day. It wasn't just a single person or maybe two. No, it was all of them. She's a hairdresser, by the way, and most people feel better when getting their hair done. Am I right?
I had gone to my mental health clinicals earlier in the day and the unit was hot. Oh my goodness! We had at least two major meltdowns on a unit of about 24 patients and several other meltdowns/take-downs on the other units. I am on a maximum security ward at a state mental hospital. These patients are very sick and all part of the legal system for various different charges. I am also on one of the admit units... So people are at their very worst, very sick level before they are stabilized with medication and therapy.
Then, after all of that fun, I decided to go into work on my day off because they were short staffed. ALWAYS A BAD DECISION!!! Typically when a place (especially a hospital) is short staffed, that means the staff that is there is going to be stressed, the patients are going to be spazzing out (because everyone one was for some reason), and you will be frustrated that you agreed to come in to a very frustrating situation when you should be off. I completely regret it and I only agreed to work 4 hours because I got called in for night shift but I had been up since 0445.
Oh my gosh. Anything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong. First, staffing sent me to the wrong floor. Then I got reassigned and I had to go sit with a patient who was very old and very confused. He had just gotten discharged from the ICU a couple hours before I got there and was sleeping fine... until the nurse decided to move him to a different room while he was still sleeping. Thanks lady. He slept for the first hour and a half until she decided he needed to move right then. She got a Posey bed ordered for him and since he wouldn't get up, she had us use a transfer sheet to slide him into the bed. He woke up and never went back to sleep the whole time I was with him.
At first I asked if she wanted the whole bed zipped up or if she wanted me to leave it partially unzipped because she told me he could go to the bathroom. About 30 minutes after the nurse and the other two people that helped us left, the patient reported he needed to go to the bathroom. I got him up and led him to the bathroom but he turned real quick and went out into the hall. Even with myself and another nurse attempting to redirect him and lead him back into his room, he was too strong and continued into the hall to a sitting area. 30 minutes of nonsense conversation from him and we still could not get him redirected and into his room. The nurse came out and yelled at me for not keeping him in his room and I just took it. She flipped out, called the charge nurse and complained that the patient was not in his bed. After another 30 minutes or so, two nurses, a CNA, a wheelchair, and myself, we finally got him back into his room. He reported needing to use the bathroom again and the charge nurse finally got to deal with the reason he got out of his room in the first place. It took two of them to toilet him. We got him back into bed, got it all zipped up and everything was good.
A little while later, he said he needed to go to the bathroom again. He kept wanting out but I gave him a urinal. He was so confused it took 20 minutes to convince him to let me help him use the urinal. So frustrating. Then when I unzipped the bed to get the urinal out, he grabbed the zipper and fought me to get out. I succeeded just as the charge nurse got to the doorway to see how everything was going. I explained the situation and she just walked away. He asked to go again a little while later and it was a super huge struggle to get him to use it again. This time I kept the zipper up close to the top and only wide enough for the urinal to barely fit through it and just as he handed the urinal to me, he grabbed my arm! It was like a scene out of a scary horror film or some murder show. He hurt my arm so bad that I let go of the closed urinal (it only had a few drops in it) and struggled for about 5 minutes to get my arm free from his grasp and the bed zipped back up.
Several hours later, the nurse finally braved coming into the room and acted like nothing had ever happened. She was all cheery and sounded nice but I have a hard time forgetting when people yell at me. I told her about how he keeps acting all sweet and then becomes aggressive when you get too close and she told me that that information was highly useful and she was going to talk to the doctor or something. I don't understand why she got so frustrated with me for not being able to tackle a patient just to keep him in his room and she continued to belittle me and act all disapprovingly because "she can't handle confused patients" but she expects me to just suck it up and deal with it so that she doesn't have to see him. Why do so many nurses treat me like junk and avoid my patient just because they got a patient who is requiring a sitter? I understand that they are probably upset that they have to deal with a sitter patient, but why does that justify them making me sit with that patient with no break or help for 12 hours? So frustrating.
Moral of the story, don't agree to go into work on a day off when it is cloudy and everyone that you had come into contact with was going off-the-wall that day.
Is this cloudy-weather-induced grumpiness evident to anyone else or did I just make it up?
We finally got snow where I reside and the whole day was bonkers! My mom told me that her clients were strange/off/angry/grouchy/etc all day. It wasn't just a single person or maybe two. No, it was all of them. She's a hairdresser, by the way, and most people feel better when getting their hair done. Am I right?
I had gone to my mental health clinicals earlier in the day and the unit was hot. Oh my goodness! We had at least two major meltdowns on a unit of about 24 patients and several other meltdowns/take-downs on the other units. I am on a maximum security ward at a state mental hospital. These patients are very sick and all part of the legal system for various different charges. I am also on one of the admit units... So people are at their very worst, very sick level before they are stabilized with medication and therapy.
Then, after all of that fun, I decided to go into work on my day off because they were short staffed. ALWAYS A BAD DECISION!!! Typically when a place (especially a hospital) is short staffed, that means the staff that is there is going to be stressed, the patients are going to be spazzing out (because everyone one was for some reason), and you will be frustrated that you agreed to come in to a very frustrating situation when you should be off. I completely regret it and I only agreed to work 4 hours because I got called in for night shift but I had been up since 0445.
Oh my gosh. Anything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong. First, staffing sent me to the wrong floor. Then I got reassigned and I had to go sit with a patient who was very old and very confused. He had just gotten discharged from the ICU a couple hours before I got there and was sleeping fine... until the nurse decided to move him to a different room while he was still sleeping. Thanks lady. He slept for the first hour and a half until she decided he needed to move right then. She got a Posey bed ordered for him and since he wouldn't get up, she had us use a transfer sheet to slide him into the bed. He woke up and never went back to sleep the whole time I was with him.
At first I asked if she wanted the whole bed zipped up or if she wanted me to leave it partially unzipped because she told me he could go to the bathroom. About 30 minutes after the nurse and the other two people that helped us left, the patient reported he needed to go to the bathroom. I got him up and led him to the bathroom but he turned real quick and went out into the hall. Even with myself and another nurse attempting to redirect him and lead him back into his room, he was too strong and continued into the hall to a sitting area. 30 minutes of nonsense conversation from him and we still could not get him redirected and into his room. The nurse came out and yelled at me for not keeping him in his room and I just took it. She flipped out, called the charge nurse and complained that the patient was not in his bed. After another 30 minutes or so, two nurses, a CNA, a wheelchair, and myself, we finally got him back into his room. He reported needing to use the bathroom again and the charge nurse finally got to deal with the reason he got out of his room in the first place. It took two of them to toilet him. We got him back into bed, got it all zipped up and everything was good.
A little while later, he said he needed to go to the bathroom again. He kept wanting out but I gave him a urinal. He was so confused it took 20 minutes to convince him to let me help him use the urinal. So frustrating. Then when I unzipped the bed to get the urinal out, he grabbed the zipper and fought me to get out. I succeeded just as the charge nurse got to the doorway to see how everything was going. I explained the situation and she just walked away. He asked to go again a little while later and it was a super huge struggle to get him to use it again. This time I kept the zipper up close to the top and only wide enough for the urinal to barely fit through it and just as he handed the urinal to me, he grabbed my arm! It was like a scene out of a scary horror film or some murder show. He hurt my arm so bad that I let go of the closed urinal (it only had a few drops in it) and struggled for about 5 minutes to get my arm free from his grasp and the bed zipped back up.
Several hours later, the nurse finally braved coming into the room and acted like nothing had ever happened. She was all cheery and sounded nice but I have a hard time forgetting when people yell at me. I told her about how he keeps acting all sweet and then becomes aggressive when you get too close and she told me that that information was highly useful and she was going to talk to the doctor or something. I don't understand why she got so frustrated with me for not being able to tackle a patient just to keep him in his room and she continued to belittle me and act all disapprovingly because "she can't handle confused patients" but she expects me to just suck it up and deal with it so that she doesn't have to see him. Why do so many nurses treat me like junk and avoid my patient just because they got a patient who is requiring a sitter? I understand that they are probably upset that they have to deal with a sitter patient, but why does that justify them making me sit with that patient with no break or help for 12 hours? So frustrating.
Moral of the story, don't agree to go into work on a day off when it is cloudy and everyone that you had come into contact with was going off-the-wall that day.
Is this cloudy-weather-induced grumpiness evident to anyone else or did I just make it up?
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Last Day of Clinicals
Well, last day of clinicals for this semester. 2 more years equaling 4 more semesters of clinicals to go. No big deal.
However, this post is devoted to the amazing ways in which G-d has worked in my life recently. Today was good. I felt off all day, but I survived!
Today my ex-roommate talked to me. This is a big deal because she disliked me very much. All semester she refused to talk to me. She would give me rude looks or make curt comments behind my back. When I see her in the halls at clinicals or school she would look away, even when I tried to smile at her. Just things that wear on you, ya know? Anyway, after weeks of trying to brush this all off and smile through the pain, she talked to me last night just to say, "see you tomorrow!" I was kinda thrown off guard because I was the only one there so I said it back and went about my work. Then today, we sat and talked a little bit with our instructor. We made quick eye contact during conversation and talked between ourselves. We helped each other with patients today in clinicals and all was well. We are not buddy-buddy and there is still some awkwardness between us, but I am relieved. Weeks of prayer and over thinking eery little thing have resulted in G-d working miracles in my silly little girl drama. Praise the L-rd!
Before ever stepping foot on the floor, I was told many times that the renal floor is awful. My clinical instructor informed us that there were 3 codes in the couple of hours he spent on the unit for orientation. My charge nurse at my CNA job across town told me she worked on the specific floor I was on and she said it was terrible. Anyone and everyone that knew about the renal floor convinced me that it would be a rough/awful experience. So, I prayed that G-d would keep people from coding and dying while we were on the floor. Guess what? Nobody coded or died while we were on the floor. Wow. Now, pts still died and coded, but not on Wednesdays between 0630 and 1530! Praise the L-rd!
There are horror stories about clinical instructors picking apart every little thing on your care plans and failing you for a missed period or a word spelled incorrectly. (Yes, I am aware that most of what I say is an exaggeration. Unless I state that some story is strictly fact, assume that most/all of it has been stretched slightly.) If I had an instructor this strict, I think I would just drop out of nursing school. So, I prayed that the L-rd provide me with a good instructor. When praying in such a general way, one never quite knows what they will get. G-d blessed me with an instructor willing to talk to us about our care plans if it wasn't quite what he was wanting and he was very "chill" with his expectations with us. He emphasized hands-on learning and was always talking us through the whole nursing thought process. With my learning style, his instruction was excellent for me. Praise the L-rd!
G-d let me have fantastic, interesting patients that were very patient and kind. He also allowed me to see how a bunch of nurses work and He allowed them all to help me in different ways, but all valuable. Praise the L-rd!
My first clinical rotation semester was a fantastic experience! Also, summer is in two weeks (after this week comes to a close.) YAY!!!
However, this post is devoted to the amazing ways in which G-d has worked in my life recently. Today was good. I felt off all day, but I survived!
Today my ex-roommate talked to me. This is a big deal because she disliked me very much. All semester she refused to talk to me. She would give me rude looks or make curt comments behind my back. When I see her in the halls at clinicals or school she would look away, even when I tried to smile at her. Just things that wear on you, ya know? Anyway, after weeks of trying to brush this all off and smile through the pain, she talked to me last night just to say, "see you tomorrow!" I was kinda thrown off guard because I was the only one there so I said it back and went about my work. Then today, we sat and talked a little bit with our instructor. We made quick eye contact during conversation and talked between ourselves. We helped each other with patients today in clinicals and all was well. We are not buddy-buddy and there is still some awkwardness between us, but I am relieved. Weeks of prayer and over thinking eery little thing have resulted in G-d working miracles in my silly little girl drama. Praise the L-rd!
Before ever stepping foot on the floor, I was told many times that the renal floor is awful. My clinical instructor informed us that there were 3 codes in the couple of hours he spent on the unit for orientation. My charge nurse at my CNA job across town told me she worked on the specific floor I was on and she said it was terrible. Anyone and everyone that knew about the renal floor convinced me that it would be a rough/awful experience. So, I prayed that G-d would keep people from coding and dying while we were on the floor. Guess what? Nobody coded or died while we were on the floor. Wow. Now, pts still died and coded, but not on Wednesdays between 0630 and 1530! Praise the L-rd!
There are horror stories about clinical instructors picking apart every little thing on your care plans and failing you for a missed period or a word spelled incorrectly. (Yes, I am aware that most of what I say is an exaggeration. Unless I state that some story is strictly fact, assume that most/all of it has been stretched slightly.) If I had an instructor this strict, I think I would just drop out of nursing school. So, I prayed that the L-rd provide me with a good instructor. When praying in such a general way, one never quite knows what they will get. G-d blessed me with an instructor willing to talk to us about our care plans if it wasn't quite what he was wanting and he was very "chill" with his expectations with us. He emphasized hands-on learning and was always talking us through the whole nursing thought process. With my learning style, his instruction was excellent for me. Praise the L-rd!
G-d let me have fantastic, interesting patients that were very patient and kind. He also allowed me to see how a bunch of nurses work and He allowed them all to help me in different ways, but all valuable. Praise the L-rd!
My first clinical rotation semester was a fantastic experience! Also, summer is in two weeks (after this week comes to a close.) YAY!!!
Friday, April 25, 2014
"Just" a ___________
Guys, remember that rant I went on about people calling nurses "just" a nurse or CNA's "just" a CNA? I got caught calling myself "just" a nursing student the other day at clinicals.
It all started with a pt's family member coming to the nurses' station asking for a snack for the pt or something. I can't remember. Anyway, we talked for a few minutes because I was the only person there and I was just charting. After the conversation was done, he looked at me with a frown on his face and said, "So, I know techs (CNA's) are in bright blue, nurses are in dark blue or white, and everyone else has a special color. What does white with blue sweaters mean?"
"Well," I started, "The dark blue scrubs are for the real nurses and all of us in white are just students. Students also have the choice of wearing a blue sweater if they want one."
He looked at me for a second, not quite satisfied with my answer. Then he replied, "You aren't just a student. You worked really hard to get to this point and a lot of people never make it as far as you have already gotten."
I was speechless. Never have I been so encouraged and humbled simultaneously. I understand that nurses are super great. I get that. Why do you think I want to be a nurse? But I never really realized how weighted the title of nurse is. People hold nurses in such high regards. Over the past few months, I have been seeing the little memes on Pinterest about how hard nursing is and how amazing nurses think they are. They are pretty amazing, don't get me wrong. It just seems to me that people in my nursing class-I don't know about anywhere else-are getting big heads. Their egos are quickly swelling and they talk about other majors and other professions as being less than being a nurse. They (and my professors) also seem to be quite against most doctors... but that's another story.
Guys, nurses are fantastic. They do a lot of necessary and extra special things to make sure that their patients can be as healthy as possible. However, every job that anyone has in society holds a special place in our intricately woven country.
So, while I say not to call yourself "just" a nurse or CNA. I am also very passionate about nobody calling yourself "just" an anything. You are hand-made by THE Creator of the Universe. You may not know why you are here, but you are here for a reason. You are not just some person, a bag of bones, or a random life. No. You were "knitted together in your mother's womb," you are cherished, watched after, and valuable. Don't forget it.
It all started with a pt's family member coming to the nurses' station asking for a snack for the pt or something. I can't remember. Anyway, we talked for a few minutes because I was the only person there and I was just charting. After the conversation was done, he looked at me with a frown on his face and said, "So, I know techs (CNA's) are in bright blue, nurses are in dark blue or white, and everyone else has a special color. What does white with blue sweaters mean?"
"Well," I started, "The dark blue scrubs are for the real nurses and all of us in white are just students. Students also have the choice of wearing a blue sweater if they want one."
He looked at me for a second, not quite satisfied with my answer. Then he replied, "You aren't just a student. You worked really hard to get to this point and a lot of people never make it as far as you have already gotten."
I was speechless. Never have I been so encouraged and humbled simultaneously. I understand that nurses are super great. I get that. Why do you think I want to be a nurse? But I never really realized how weighted the title of nurse is. People hold nurses in such high regards. Over the past few months, I have been seeing the little memes on Pinterest about how hard nursing is and how amazing nurses think they are. They are pretty amazing, don't get me wrong. It just seems to me that people in my nursing class-I don't know about anywhere else-are getting big heads. Their egos are quickly swelling and they talk about other majors and other professions as being less than being a nurse. They (and my professors) also seem to be quite against most doctors... but that's another story.
Guys, nurses are fantastic. They do a lot of necessary and extra special things to make sure that their patients can be as healthy as possible. However, every job that anyone has in society holds a special place in our intricately woven country.
So, while I say not to call yourself "just" a nurse or CNA. I am also very passionate about nobody calling yourself "just" an anything. You are hand-made by THE Creator of the Universe. You may not know why you are here, but you are here for a reason. You are not just some person, a bag of bones, or a random life. No. You were "knitted together in your mother's womb," you are cherished, watched after, and valuable. Don't forget it.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
MTV's "Scrubbing In"
I have not personally seen this show because I do not have cable. However, several people are saying that it is highly offensive to nurses and it is perpetuating a negative stereotype of the profession. So, I advise watching the show whether it is on t.v. or on the internet somehow in order to make your own about the show. If you find that it is offensive to nurses, please, sign this petition to get the show cancelled. If not, then don't worry about it. :)
I believe in taking a stand for what you believe in but I also believe that everyone should make their own informed decisions. I also believe that nurses deserve respect because they do so much that is behind the scenes, nobody can possibly understand all that they do for their patients.
I believe in taking a stand for what you believe in but I also believe that everyone should make their own informed decisions. I also believe that nurses deserve respect because they do so much that is behind the scenes, nobody can possibly understand all that they do for their patients.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Medical TV Shows
I follow the blog The Days When I'm Not a Nurse and she starts a blog discussion about various topics every month. This month it is about medical TV shows.
Seeing as I have watched almost everything that has anything to do with medicine since I was a ripe old age of 5, I would say that I have a little to say about the subject.
First, I would like to say that my favorites include (but are not limited to): Scrubs, House, Birth Story, Teen Mom (has little to do with medicine except for the delivery part of the show, but I like seeing the babies), Emily Owens M.D., and Mystery Diagnosis. Also, Call the Midwife is probably my favorite because it is so stinkin' cute in all ways!!!
With that said, I do find most of the shows highly unrealistic but fairly fascinating. I really like Mystery Diagnosis because it a real-life account of some House quality mysteries. I like House because he is cynical, sarcastic, and ridiculously smart. Plus, they have really cool, weird diseases/symptoms. Emily Owens is so cute and awkward that it brings me comfort because I am much like her, just less pretty. Scrubs reminds me of my dorky guy friends so that helps me with home-sickness, and one of the main characters is a NURSE! Ya, that never happens. We need more shows about nurses, folks, because they have so many funny and interesting stories. Call the Midwife, Teen Mom, and Birth Story are also so interesting to me because I am obsessed with birth, pregnancy, babies, and all related information to the labor and delivery process. I have been since before I ever started preschool and my fascination continues to grow each year.
So, we need more nursing shows that are fictional, but that bring in the hilarious encounters that nurses actually face. I have read many stories that had me bawling and hiccuping from laughing so hard. Guys, that is my favorite Saturday night entertainment. Then there are the stories of how nurses touched families and helped them through difficult times in their life. Unfortunately these stories hardly get shared even though they happen all the time. That is what nurses do and I think it would help the general population understand just a tiny bit of what nurses bear and go through for their patients.
Do you have any shows you would like to add? I'm sure I missed a bunch of shows and points. Ultimately, these shows are just for vegging, not for learning or for portraying reality. They are some of my guilty pleasures...
P.S.
I got a 92% on my BHA test today!
Seeing as I have watched almost everything that has anything to do with medicine since I was a ripe old age of 5, I would say that I have a little to say about the subject.
First, I would like to say that my favorites include (but are not limited to): Scrubs, House, Birth Story, Teen Mom (has little to do with medicine except for the delivery part of the show, but I like seeing the babies), Emily Owens M.D., and Mystery Diagnosis. Also, Call the Midwife is probably my favorite because it is so stinkin' cute in all ways!!!
With that said, I do find most of the shows highly unrealistic but fairly fascinating. I really like Mystery Diagnosis because it a real-life account of some House quality mysteries. I like House because he is cynical, sarcastic, and ridiculously smart. Plus, they have really cool, weird diseases/symptoms. Emily Owens is so cute and awkward that it brings me comfort because I am much like her, just less pretty. Scrubs reminds me of my dorky guy friends so that helps me with home-sickness, and one of the main characters is a NURSE! Ya, that never happens. We need more shows about nurses, folks, because they have so many funny and interesting stories. Call the Midwife, Teen Mom, and Birth Story are also so interesting to me because I am obsessed with birth, pregnancy, babies, and all related information to the labor and delivery process. I have been since before I ever started preschool and my fascination continues to grow each year.
So, we need more nursing shows that are fictional, but that bring in the hilarious encounters that nurses actually face. I have read many stories that had me bawling and hiccuping from laughing so hard. Guys, that is my favorite Saturday night entertainment. Then there are the stories of how nurses touched families and helped them through difficult times in their life. Unfortunately these stories hardly get shared even though they happen all the time. That is what nurses do and I think it would help the general population understand just a tiny bit of what nurses bear and go through for their patients.
Do you have any shows you would like to add? I'm sure I missed a bunch of shows and points. Ultimately, these shows are just for vegging, not for learning or for portraying reality. They are some of my guilty pleasures...
P.S.
I got a 92% on my BHA test today!
Saturday, July 20, 2013
One of Those Days
Do you ever have those instances where you know what you want to say but you don't know how to say it? I know what I'm thinking and feeling (ugh! I dislike that word but it's the only one I can think of to fit this situation) but I don't know how to put it into words. I'm sure y'all are sick of reading about my boy problems and I promise I will try to cut back on those posts. Right now, however, it seems like I need to express myself with this whole situation but I don't know how to put into words everything that is within me. Please tell me I'm not the only one that has this happen to them! Maybe I just need to focus on school more and stop thinking about this because it's driving me nuts and you guys must me sick of reading about it. So, I propose that I don't talk about it much anymore. I will try my hardest to not make every post or every other post about these silly boys that are getting me all worked up because it's not doing anything to help the situation. Also, I know that this blog is for nursing students, CNA's, future midwifes, and anyone else interested in these types of conversations so I will try to keep my posts more along those lines instead of letting this be my personal diary. Maybe you can have a peek into my inner workings every once in awhile, but I wanted this blog to be for nursing students and the journey we go through because I didn't find a whole lot of blogs that really chronicled the events that I was curious about with regards to nursing school. Therefore, I am going to try to get back onto topic and stop this ridiculous ranting. I apologize to you all for putting you through that.
Today I met a nurse at the volunteer thing I went to. She works on the orthopedics floor at the hospital I got offered a job at, and she had some great stories and she was full of tons of information. She looked like she was probably in college, but she is a full-fledged RN and had been nursing for 5-8 years (I can't remember how long she had said she has been nursing for). She was very inspirational though because she moved here from several states away, bought her own house, is engaged, and is allowing her brother to live with her as he gets on his feet as a police officer. It's so nice to see someone so young who went the traditional school-job-marriage route, especially when so many people are discouraging that path for me. They want me to date, get married now, then finish my college, with or without children in the mix. But they want everything done right now. To tell you the truth, I wish I did have a boyfriend right now and I wish I had marriage in sight. Now, that is not the case and so I have to be grateful and trust that the L-rd has everything in my life worked out the way He needs it. Until then, I will hold off and be patient (as patient as I can be right now) and stick with my boring, traditional school-job-possibly marriage route that seems to be before me.
I also got to do some blood glucose tests today! The first time I did them I had to use an old-school lancet and that was no bueno! I stuck the girl who was teaching me 2-3 times and I felt so bad. Today, however, we had those nifty lancets that are spring loaded so you just press and the thing shoots out and sticks the victim. Golly, I love those things and getting to do blood tests is so exciting! I can't wait to learn I.V.'s in school. Something about blood fascinates me. G-d puts so much importance into blood in the Bible and in life and so to be able to see it and do stuff with it is so exciting! I can't wait to be a nurse. Then I get into class and I wonder why I am doing this at all... but days like this make me excited to be a nurse again. So, for the time being, I am super stoked to be starting actual nursing classes this fall with my friend from this last semester to help me through. L-rd willing, we will make it through to the end and be able to be pinned and we will become Registered Nurses with our Bachelor's degrees together.
Random thoughts: Yesterday I had micro class and lab, nothing new there. At the end of class, a strange thing happened though. A random lady came up to me with the scared, sunken in eyes look that people get when they are nervous. She asked me if she could ask me a personal question. I was nervous and immediately thought of everything I had done wrong in that class because she almost sounded like she was about to cuss me out for having done something wrong (which I didn't do anything but I'm always nervous and jumping to conclusions like that). She said she had overheard me say that I got into the nursing program at my university and she was wondering if I thought that a B would make it difficult for her to get into the program. Wow. I am so not used to people coming up to me and asking me for advise on anything! I gave her my opinion, my advice, and what I had heard from my school counselor and various others who had made it into the program and she went on her merry way with that answer. As I was walking to my car that night I started thinking about my acceptance. I have been so proud to be accepted over hundreds of other applicants and the fact that I made it into the program after my counselor had said that the first year was really hard and so many people drop out, I had pride because I showed her wrong and I got almost straight A's to boot! But then I began to wonder why I was proud. I didn't really do anything to get in. I slack off with school and then begin praying and scrambling to finish projects, papers, and to study for tests. So G-d does all of my schoolwork and He is the one to get me good grades. I did not study well for the HESI so G-d gave me another day to study and He gave me favor with the test when I did not know the answers. I did not do anything extraordinary to get into the program, G-d allowed the nursing school board to find favor with me to allow me into the program. Why am I proud? I have no right to be proud! I did not earn this acceptance into the nursing program. All of my accomplishments in life are really not mine at all. Everything I have, everything I have done (that is good) is because of G-d. He inspires me to do any good thing that I do. He is the one to provide good things for me in all aspects of life. I do not have anything to boast about except that G-d reigns supreme and He is Almighty. He provides everything good in my life. He protects me and He fixes my mistakes in life.
Daily Thanksgiving: G-d got me into the nursing program. He gave me a beautiful apartment and allowed me to be able to rent it with my brother this year. He gives us just enough that we do not go hungry, but He doesn't give us too much that we forget Him. He allowed me to have a very nice, relaxing day and I got some sun (and Vitamin D) while volunteering. He also gave me a little boost of encouragement through meeting the young nurse I met today.
Shabbat Shalom!
Today I met a nurse at the volunteer thing I went to. She works on the orthopedics floor at the hospital I got offered a job at, and she had some great stories and she was full of tons of information. She looked like she was probably in college, but she is a full-fledged RN and had been nursing for 5-8 years (I can't remember how long she had said she has been nursing for). She was very inspirational though because she moved here from several states away, bought her own house, is engaged, and is allowing her brother to live with her as he gets on his feet as a police officer. It's so nice to see someone so young who went the traditional school-job-marriage route, especially when so many people are discouraging that path for me. They want me to date, get married now, then finish my college, with or without children in the mix. But they want everything done right now. To tell you the truth, I wish I did have a boyfriend right now and I wish I had marriage in sight. Now, that is not the case and so I have to be grateful and trust that the L-rd has everything in my life worked out the way He needs it. Until then, I will hold off and be patient (as patient as I can be right now) and stick with my boring, traditional school-job-possibly marriage route that seems to be before me.
I also got to do some blood glucose tests today! The first time I did them I had to use an old-school lancet and that was no bueno! I stuck the girl who was teaching me 2-3 times and I felt so bad. Today, however, we had those nifty lancets that are spring loaded so you just press and the thing shoots out and sticks the victim. Golly, I love those things and getting to do blood tests is so exciting! I can't wait to learn I.V.'s in school. Something about blood fascinates me. G-d puts so much importance into blood in the Bible and in life and so to be able to see it and do stuff with it is so exciting! I can't wait to be a nurse. Then I get into class and I wonder why I am doing this at all... but days like this make me excited to be a nurse again. So, for the time being, I am super stoked to be starting actual nursing classes this fall with my friend from this last semester to help me through. L-rd willing, we will make it through to the end and be able to be pinned and we will become Registered Nurses with our Bachelor's degrees together.
Random thoughts: Yesterday I had micro class and lab, nothing new there. At the end of class, a strange thing happened though. A random lady came up to me with the scared, sunken in eyes look that people get when they are nervous. She asked me if she could ask me a personal question. I was nervous and immediately thought of everything I had done wrong in that class because she almost sounded like she was about to cuss me out for having done something wrong (which I didn't do anything but I'm always nervous and jumping to conclusions like that). She said she had overheard me say that I got into the nursing program at my university and she was wondering if I thought that a B would make it difficult for her to get into the program. Wow. I am so not used to people coming up to me and asking me for advise on anything! I gave her my opinion, my advice, and what I had heard from my school counselor and various others who had made it into the program and she went on her merry way with that answer. As I was walking to my car that night I started thinking about my acceptance. I have been so proud to be accepted over hundreds of other applicants and the fact that I made it into the program after my counselor had said that the first year was really hard and so many people drop out, I had pride because I showed her wrong and I got almost straight A's to boot! But then I began to wonder why I was proud. I didn't really do anything to get in. I slack off with school and then begin praying and scrambling to finish projects, papers, and to study for tests. So G-d does all of my schoolwork and He is the one to get me good grades. I did not study well for the HESI so G-d gave me another day to study and He gave me favor with the test when I did not know the answers. I did not do anything extraordinary to get into the program, G-d allowed the nursing school board to find favor with me to allow me into the program. Why am I proud? I have no right to be proud! I did not earn this acceptance into the nursing program. All of my accomplishments in life are really not mine at all. Everything I have, everything I have done (that is good) is because of G-d. He inspires me to do any good thing that I do. He is the one to provide good things for me in all aspects of life. I do not have anything to boast about except that G-d reigns supreme and He is Almighty. He provides everything good in my life. He protects me and He fixes my mistakes in life.
Daily Thanksgiving: G-d got me into the nursing program. He gave me a beautiful apartment and allowed me to be able to rent it with my brother this year. He gives us just enough that we do not go hungry, but He doesn't give us too much that we forget Him. He allowed me to have a very nice, relaxing day and I got some sun (and Vitamin D) while volunteering. He also gave me a little boost of encouragement through meeting the young nurse I met today.
Shabbat Shalom!
Friday, July 19, 2013
Why?
Lately I have had so many people question my every move.
"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Why have you never dated anyone?"
"Why did you move in with your brother?"
"Why are you broke?"
"Why, why, why, why, why?"
My reply: Why is it any of your business and why do you care?
Of course, I never really questioned them, but I kinda wanted to. I am just a very private person and I don't mind sharing about myself, but I don't even know why I do everything so I can't explain it to myself let alone anyone else.
For the past couple weeks I have been mulling over my future in my head again and again. Why kind of nurse will I be? When/where will I meet my husband? Will I get a CNA job in a hospital? How will school be? Will I make tons of friends or just be one of those people who everyone considers a friend but is actually very lonely because she doesn't get close to anyone? (I already am like that.) Where will I live when I graduate? How will the next few years turn out for myself and my brother? Will we live peacefully together or will we kill each other? What is even going on?!
I desperately need to get out of my head and just let G-d control my life. He controls our lives whether we give Him reign or not, but life is way easier if we are not fighting tooth and nail for our silly desires and our plans because G-d always has what we want and need in His plans for our life.
Daily Thanksgiving: My mema came into town and I get to see her tomorrow! I also get to volunteer tomorrow, which I love to do. I got 140/120 on my micro unknown organism project and I got 80% on my vocab test from Wednesday. So far, living with my brother has been great and he got a really good financial aid award which means that we will not be overly stressed for money this year!!! I am so relieved I can't even explain it.
"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Why have you never dated anyone?"
"Why did you move in with your brother?"
"Why are you broke?"
"Why, why, why, why, why?"
My reply: Why is it any of your business and why do you care?
Of course, I never really questioned them, but I kinda wanted to. I am just a very private person and I don't mind sharing about myself, but I don't even know why I do everything so I can't explain it to myself let alone anyone else.
For the past couple weeks I have been mulling over my future in my head again and again. Why kind of nurse will I be? When/where will I meet my husband? Will I get a CNA job in a hospital? How will school be? Will I make tons of friends or just be one of those people who everyone considers a friend but is actually very lonely because she doesn't get close to anyone? (I already am like that.) Where will I live when I graduate? How will the next few years turn out for myself and my brother? Will we live peacefully together or will we kill each other? What is even going on?!
I desperately need to get out of my head and just let G-d control my life. He controls our lives whether we give Him reign or not, but life is way easier if we are not fighting tooth and nail for our silly desires and our plans because G-d always has what we want and need in His plans for our life.
Daily Thanksgiving: My mema came into town and I get to see her tomorrow! I also get to volunteer tomorrow, which I love to do. I got 140/120 on my micro unknown organism project and I got 80% on my vocab test from Wednesday. So far, living with my brother has been great and he got a really good financial aid award which means that we will not be overly stressed for money this year!!! I am so relieved I can't even explain it.
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