Sweetness Turned Bitter

This weekend was really eye-opening. It was a little bit crazy. My head is still spinning and my heart is a little bit broken. Let's explore why, shall we?

Friday I went on another date with the new fella. I was sick so we mainly just drove around town. He stopped and helped some people who had gotten their car stuck on a back-road but they weren't listening to his advice, even though he is a mechanic, and so we left. He was supposed to sign the papers for his house that day but they ended up pushing that back for the billionth time but he got the keys to his house. Oh, and Roommate's sugar glider died while she was babysitting. I found him dead when I got back from the date. I feel really bad because that is the second small animal that has died on my watch in the past few months. He was doing okay until I went to feed him and he was super lethargic so I think he might have had a really bad electrolyte imbalance or an infection of some sort.

Saturday he had to work in the morning so he swung by and picked me up after work. He helped me get the dead critter out of his cage and get him all comfy for burial. Then I cleaned up the cage and took it all with us out to Roommate's house (which is near his place). We drove out to his current place. I met his grandparents. They took us to lunch and then we went out and saw his new place. It's a really nice house and his grandparents are so adorable! Then he brought me back into town and we went to Brother's house so they could meet, the local feed/clothing store, the home improvement store to look at paint and appliances for his house. That was kinda funny because people kept asking me if I needed help but I'm not even the one buying the house or the appliances. I think they thought we were engaged or married because I had my purity rings on my left hand ring finger... He took me to dinner and we played pool for awhile. Then I had him take me home because I was exhausted and I wanted him to be able to have a decent chance at sleep. But I swung by brother's house so I could talk the day over with him real quick.

When he brought me to Roommate's mom's house to drop off the critter, New Fella was acting really weird. He told me that he had taken Roommate's cousin on a couple dates and didn't want to see her so I let him stay in the car. There was a family gathering in the house and the cousin was there. When I walked in I was getting death glares but I ignored them because I didn't think I had done anything wrong. Little did I know, New Fella started talking to me the same time he started talking to Roommate's cousin. He took her on a couple dates right before he started taking me on dates. He explained all of this in the car ride on the way back to town (45 minute drive) and all of the puzzle pieces started falling into place. He kept saying things to me on the first couple dates that were just off but I brushed them aside because he had been drinking the night we met. Turns out he was just confusing the two of us.

Oh, but it gets better! Right after he explains all of this to me, we go walking around the feed store. Guess who we run into in the store! Go ahead, guess! The cousin's mom. Guess who we parked next to... The cousin's mom and the cousin's dad was in the truck! Guess who just so happened to be driving the exact way we needed to be going to get to Brother's house... You're so smart, the same people! New Fella was flustered and super red all over. I thought it was funny at the time, but the more I think about it and talk with Roommate, the more it bugs me. Why was she so convinced the relationship was going so well that she called him her boyfriend after only a couple of dates? I know what it is like to be the other girl in this situation and I got so mad! You know who did it to me? If you've been reading and maybe keeping track with my roundabout thought process, you'll know that's what Country Boy did before I stopped talking to me and he died shortly after that. I don't need trouble with Roommate's family and his grandmother works with Roommate's mom at the town bank. I went to a dance New Year's Eve and I get dropped into a huge, dramatic ordeal after only talking with this boy for maybe three weeks. Is this the L-rd telling me it's a no-go? The L-rd already told me it wouldn't last and I prayed for signs for the New Fella (NF) because that's what NF goes off of instead of prayer and hearing from the L-rd.

Recap of why Saturday was rough: Sugar Glider died and I had to take it to Roommate's house to be buried. This uncovered huge drama with the cousin.

Today (Sunday) I slept in and then he came back into town to go to an antique store with his cousin and the cousin's girlfriend. It was pretty fun! But we were clicking so well and now something feels wrong. It all just feels wrong which sucks because it was going really well. It was easy to talk about liking each other. It was easy to hold hands and just chill. It was easy to share some of my secrets with him. We agree and give the same answers to so many questions that we ask each other to get to know each other. It was easy but it just feels heavy now.

I need to talk with him and explain my situation but I have a hard time bringing up these tough conversations. Things were getting good, we were meeting each others friends and families. We were discussing hypothetical children and fake weddings. I am currently helping him situate his house and get it decorated.

If this is the end I don't want to wait forever for another guy to come along. I have been praying for years, I have gone through some pretty heavy stuff to get to this point and I was so excited that I am happy. I am the traditional kind of happy because I finally met a guy that has a ton of things in common with me and we mesh so much better than Country Boy and I did. I finally felt cherished by a human guy and I just started to understand why people act funny when they find a significant other.

Even though I don't want to wait forever for another guy, I also don't know that this is completely right. It's hard feeling like I have something that I've wanted for so long dangled in front of my face only to have it snatched right back after only a couple of weeks. It's hard to know that I will have to blindly trust the L-rd to either bring me someone else or allow me to be single for another frickin' long season of life, it feels like this is my millionth long and tough season of trusting. I'm heavy with disappointment and yet I am still talking with New Fella as if everything were okay because I haven't gotten enough courage built up to bring up the hard stuff.

Boxers, a Chihuahua, and nearly a Birthday Suit

Oh man, I'm having such a weird week. First, I was working at my IT job earlier this week and saw this little critter run across my peripheral vision field. It turns out that someone brought their Chihuahua to school. I wasn't expecting that and got a little freaked out until I got to pet the little cutie. He was an ALS dog (not entirely certain but I think that means some kind of a service dog?) Then, a mere 5 minutes later, I found a pair of boxers in the hallway. They hadn't been there when I came in and I'm not sure how they got there but I figure somebody was likely having a bad day without them. Today I was at the campus gym, just minding my business, when the kid on the treadmill in front of my de-pantsed himself. I was certain that he had stripped down to his skin. Turns out that he just had really short shorts on. But goodness, I need a warning or something! He actually should do that in the bathroom instead of in public because I nearly freaked out. I don't want to see his Birthday Suit!

These are just a few of the oddball things that have recently occured, if I weren't so exhausted I'd probably remember more to share with you.

Tune in tomorrow to here about my first day of clinical lab! (Not clinicals, but I dressed in my whites and we are starting to learn nurse stuff!!!

Daily Thanksgiving: Although my week has been weird, it's been great. I've been able to laugh a lot off (that hasn't happened in several months) and I think I may be out of my depression valley for awhile. It's nice to come up and get some fresh air.

Popcorn?

I just got invited to go to the movies... by a boy... I have to pick the movie, but this is proving to be a slight dilemma.

Tomorrow I work with my girls so I will talk it over with them a bit.

I'll let you guys know what happens.

Still feel free to give some input. Please, feel free.

Weird Week

When comparing my week with friends, we discovered that most (if not all) people I talked to had a weird week and no one can explain or understand why it seemed weird. I totally don't understand it at all. Alas, this week is over though! Please forgive me if "alas" is not the proper word there, I am trying to expand my vocabulary and cannot seem to make my new words fit into the proper places, but hey, I am trying.

Have you watched Duck Dynasty? Yes, that was a rather abrupt topic change, but I am exhausted and also made the mistake of drinking two sweet teas from Chick-fil-a. Me, the girl who can hardly handle the sugar in a sucker because it makes me hyper, had TWO sweet teas. All of that sugar is making me crazy! I bet there is caffeine in the tea too to add to my sudden odd hyperness even though I am also very sleepy and ready for bed. Anyway, back to Duck Dynasty, it is hilarious! I love the episode where Willie's daughter starts dating this new boy so the Willie and his dad or his brother take the kid hunting and try to intimidate him. I would love if my dad did that! I think it would be hilarious and it would also test the kid's motive a bit more, but it may also be considered threatening so that may not be so good. But definitely watch the show, it's good to release pent up stress hormones and laugh at these hilarious guys.

I had a great day though! We played football again and made more new friends. Then we went to Chick-fil-a, my favorite fast food place (because I do not eat much fast food) instead of the on campus cafeteria. I did not have any tests today and English went by surprisingly fast which is awesome because I love my teacher, but I get so lost in the discussions our class has that I zone out 74.3% of the time. By then, the teacher is calling on me for input and I look like a fool because I don't understand what's going on. I am a science major. I like math. I LOVE complex problems when there is a definate way to get to the solution. English is not my forte because you have to think outside the box. I don't do "outside the box" because my brain does not function that way. I am very left-brained.

Daily Thanksgiving: I am thankful for my friends, this beautiful weather that is sticking around, the weekend, a B on one of my anatomy tests, an awesome chem lab partner, Chick-fil-a, and for football. Even though I had a strange week and took three tests, I had a great time. It's that simple, I am thankful for life.

Oh, and it turns out I did get sunburned yesterday, it just didn't show up until today... I can't remember if I had already written about my sunburn because I am having a really hard time with remembering things today. I was talking with a friend during football and we were comparing our days. I asked her when she went to lunch, which she proceeded to tell me about. About 10 minutes into that conversation, we realized - at the same time - that we had gone to lunch together! I don't know what's up but it is driving me nuts because everyone I talk to is exhausted but antsy to do something, and no one can seem to remember anything today. Plus, everyone has the giggles for no reason. We will just be sitting around laughing because everyone else is laughing but no one knows what we are laughing at. Maybe we were drugged... Doubt it. But what is going on? At least it is providing a bunch of laughs in the meantime so it's not so bad.

Strange Week

Is anyone else having a bad or - at the very least - strange week? I have been talking to my friends and they all had awful weeks. One friend failed an exam, another one forgot she was supposed to work tonight, and the list goes on. These are not end-of-the-world type events, but they are definitely wreaking  havoc on my friends' emotions and well-being. What is going on here? I have had several days this week were I just wanted to give up and break down all at the same time. Is it just because we have tests coming up and we are all fried from almost a year of school? Does it have to do with the moon or barometer changes? Today, we had gorgeous weather and lots of sunshine. In the time it takes to walk to all of our classes, we should have gotten sufficient vitamin D. Perhaps we have not allowed it to sink in yet. Another possibility of our off week could be the fact that we are all stir crazy and also homesick. With the spring weather coming at us, it seems about time we are completely finished with school and able to be back with our families. Of coarse, we still have two and a half months to go, but hopefully it will go by quickly and smoothly. I need this year to be over soon, but I also need good grades!

Daily Thanksgiving: It occurred to me that I may have forgotten to do my daily thanksgiving a couple days ago, so I will just do a bunch today as usual in hopes of averaging that out. Today, I am thankful for a really smart, and ridiculously funny chem lab partner. I am so very grateful for the new friends I am making and their ability to hold a conversation without me so I can sit back and observe. Dinner was really good, we went to a restaurant on campus and it was such a good choice! I turned in my RA application on time. My mom got her belated birthday card (because I forgot to bring it home last weekend). She said it made her cry, which turns out to be a good thing in this case. The text she sent me telling me about her response to the card, however, made me tear up during anatomy... Hopefully no one was looking at me, but what she said was so kind and something I really needed to hear/read. I am thankful that I do not have class on Friday, nor do I have to work tomorrow. I get an entire day to study! I am grateful for my private room and the peace I now live in all of the time. When I am not experiencing peace, it is because I am allowing my head to get in the way. Do you think that was enough thanksgivings to even any missed days out? I sure hope so.

Also, I would like to challenge you guys, as individuals, to begin thinking of your own daily thanksgivings. Even when I am having a hard day, it helps to not dwell on the negative, but to focus on what went right that day. I would love to read about your thanksgivings no matter how strange or random they are! Feel free to post below, or on any comment really. You could even send it to my email if you would like. Let's share what G-d is doing in our lives and build each other up!