American Elections

I am not so shallow as to believe that American's are all the world talks about. Honestly, I feel like America should not be talked about.

We are discussed with a sneer and snicker, behind the hands of billions of people, both foreign and domestic because right now, America is a mess.

In my personal opinion, I am shocked that Hillary and Trump are the two candidates we had to choose from for this election. Like, really? Guys, for real. Who the hell decided that these two ding-bats would be the ones to represent the large majority of the nation.

While I am irritated that these two were our main choices, I am excited that at least one of them was not a career politician. I don't think politics should be a career goal. When the government got started, it was made up of inventors, farmers, fancy people, lay people, and people of all backgrounds. Unfortunately, I do not believe it was made of people of "color", but the basis of having a government by the people for the people is the concept that we have long since lost.

Having people bring forth the "common place" problems we all face, makes much more sense than having people who have been raised in families of privilege and simply make their 6-7 figure salaries without ever having to show up to work for more than 2-3 days a year. Forget having the millions of dollars deposited into their bank accounts by lobbyists every other day. These men and women are swayed by money and think that just because they are elected, they can do as they wish. Thing is, when I voted last week, most of our state representatives didn't even have anyone from the other party running against them...

These people are voted into office because nobody else is raising money to run against them.

Government should not be a popularity contest.

My mom suggested something the other day that got me to thinking... What if congress was run by regular people and we all took turns in our Congressional Duty, just like we do for jury duty. We could have people elected and go to congress for a few weeks or a month. They will get their base pay and a slight bit more (which will all be waaaaaaay less than the idiots sitting in office now are getting paid) and you go and vote for what matters for you. Things are laid out in lay-man's terms and everyone has a chance of being called in from the lottery system to go vote on important issues. Besides that, most things should be dealt with on a state and county basis.

Why are We the People not being heard simply because we are too low for anyone up on The Hill to hear? We are paying their paychecks, after all, but they are simply not for us. They are corrupt, lazy, and often don't even show up to vote for themselves. What the hell do they do all day?

They don't follow our same rules of life, they have different insurance than the rest of us, and they are so far out-of-touch with reality that it drives me insane. The laws they vote for do not apply to them, but they can vote to have raises for themselves, even though they already have more money than they know what to do with.

No. The government should be run by the people.



I'm not happy that Trump won, but I would not have been happy if Clinton had won. She had her time in office when Bill's name was on the door. Plus, she's a fucking loon.

I voted for neither of them, to be straight with you. People voted largely for parties, this election, not so much for the candidates. Most people are sick of the democratic shit that we've endured the past two terms, so they wanted change. Also, Clinton's ideas of how the world works is so frickin distorted it's not even funny. She needs to be charged and arrested and put into a maximum security prison, not the Martha Stewart version of prison. Bill, needs to have his presidential retirement package taken away because he was impeached. That dumbass should not have even finished out his term. Obviously there are some really bad things that are going on in that household, but they have the generosity to try to share their corruption with the rest of America and even the World! How sweet! Am I right?*** (***That's solid sarcasm there, in case you didn't catch it.***)




There are some bright sides to Trump, though. He has billions of dollars. He is a business man. He believes in bringing jobs back to America and keeping money in America instead of shipping all of our good, jobs, and money to everyone in the world except for us. C'mon people! Keep the money in the United States so that we have a hope of still having a fighting chance in the world. We work ourselves into poverty because we send all of our manufacturing, computer, telephone, and other jobs overseas. It may be cheaper for the companies, but if those in America no longer have money to buy the goods with, what benefit is it to anyone? If there is less money in circulation because it's in China, Japan, and Mexico, we will have no ability to even pay for food pretty soon.

I'm hoping that he truly reforms Obamacare, and makes it no longer mandatory, but also makes it illegal for insurance companies to gouge everyone on rates, while refusing coverage to those born with health problems or those with chronic conditions. Fucking insurance companies need to stop being so greedy and need to pay out instead of stockpiling all of the money we send in. Honestly, health care charges also need to be more reasonable.

America is all about greed and trying to become wealthy. We trample those around us in order to make another buck and look where it's gotten us. Trump and Hillary, with no money in any of the middle class' families pockets because it's hoarded in banks on every coast of every other continent but our own, but a select few people.

Changes need to be made and people need to calm the fuck down. We didn't riot in the streets when Obama was elected the first time, nor the second time even though he did not have many supporters at that point anyway.

Meanwhile, there are riots in the street after Trump is elected and everyone crying and demanding a recount. Oh. My. Gosh. All of the snapchat feed stories I saw today were about "self-care after devestating news" and "it's okay to cry and be angry right now" and blah, blah, blah. Guys, are we not fucking adults? If you don't like the results, then work to fight for causes that are important to you! Get out and vote! Do things that are productive, but put on your fucking big girl panties (regardless of your gender) and grow the fuck up. We survived 8 years of the shit-storm that was Obama, you can survive a term under Trump's leadership.

We, those who didn't vote for or support Obama the last two terms, did not go around crying, pissing, and moaning that his evil ass got "voted" into office. All y'all that wanted Hillary can grow a pair and deal with life for a little bit. We're in America. We are free. We are going to get through this. Hey, maybe Trump can even be good for us... It's a new day and the world is a weird place.

But, for real, the riots need to stop. Y'all aren't getting anything done, except maybe ridding the general public of a few of you people who feel violence is acceptable. Which, if that happens and you're willing to board the bus to go to prison to be with people that are of a similar mind, then be my guest! Good news about prison: you don't have to work, fights are expected, food is provided, and you can even make yourself some friends while you're in there. So go ahead deary, and write to your friends and family on the outside to bitch about how much more life sucks in prison than it did under Trump's leadership in the free world.

Sweetness Turned Bitter

This weekend was really eye-opening. It was a little bit crazy. My head is still spinning and my heart is a little bit broken. Let's explore why, shall we?

Friday I went on another date with the new fella. I was sick so we mainly just drove around town. He stopped and helped some people who had gotten their car stuck on a back-road but they weren't listening to his advice, even though he is a mechanic, and so we left. He was supposed to sign the papers for his house that day but they ended up pushing that back for the billionth time but he got the keys to his house. Oh, and Roommate's sugar glider died while she was babysitting. I found him dead when I got back from the date. I feel really bad because that is the second small animal that has died on my watch in the past few months. He was doing okay until I went to feed him and he was super lethargic so I think he might have had a really bad electrolyte imbalance or an infection of some sort.

Saturday he had to work in the morning so he swung by and picked me up after work. He helped me get the dead critter out of his cage and get him all comfy for burial. Then I cleaned up the cage and took it all with us out to Roommate's house (which is near his place). We drove out to his current place. I met his grandparents. They took us to lunch and then we went out and saw his new place. It's a really nice house and his grandparents are so adorable! Then he brought me back into town and we went to Brother's house so they could meet, the local feed/clothing store, the home improvement store to look at paint and appliances for his house. That was kinda funny because people kept asking me if I needed help but I'm not even the one buying the house or the appliances. I think they thought we were engaged or married because I had my purity rings on my left hand ring finger... He took me to dinner and we played pool for awhile. Then I had him take me home because I was exhausted and I wanted him to be able to have a decent chance at sleep. But I swung by brother's house so I could talk the day over with him real quick.

When he brought me to Roommate's mom's house to drop off the critter, New Fella was acting really weird. He told me that he had taken Roommate's cousin on a couple dates and didn't want to see her so I let him stay in the car. There was a family gathering in the house and the cousin was there. When I walked in I was getting death glares but I ignored them because I didn't think I had done anything wrong. Little did I know, New Fella started talking to me the same time he started talking to Roommate's cousin. He took her on a couple dates right before he started taking me on dates. He explained all of this in the car ride on the way back to town (45 minute drive) and all of the puzzle pieces started falling into place. He kept saying things to me on the first couple dates that were just off but I brushed them aside because he had been drinking the night we met. Turns out he was just confusing the two of us.

Oh, but it gets better! Right after he explains all of this to me, we go walking around the feed store. Guess who we run into in the store! Go ahead, guess! The cousin's mom. Guess who we parked next to... The cousin's mom and the cousin's dad was in the truck! Guess who just so happened to be driving the exact way we needed to be going to get to Brother's house... You're so smart, the same people! New Fella was flustered and super red all over. I thought it was funny at the time, but the more I think about it and talk with Roommate, the more it bugs me. Why was she so convinced the relationship was going so well that she called him her boyfriend after only a couple of dates? I know what it is like to be the other girl in this situation and I got so mad! You know who did it to me? If you've been reading and maybe keeping track with my roundabout thought process, you'll know that's what Country Boy did before I stopped talking to me and he died shortly after that. I don't need trouble with Roommate's family and his grandmother works with Roommate's mom at the town bank. I went to a dance New Year's Eve and I get dropped into a huge, dramatic ordeal after only talking with this boy for maybe three weeks. Is this the L-rd telling me it's a no-go? The L-rd already told me it wouldn't last and I prayed for signs for the New Fella (NF) because that's what NF goes off of instead of prayer and hearing from the L-rd.

Recap of why Saturday was rough: Sugar Glider died and I had to take it to Roommate's house to be buried. This uncovered huge drama with the cousin.

Today (Sunday) I slept in and then he came back into town to go to an antique store with his cousin and the cousin's girlfriend. It was pretty fun! But we were clicking so well and now something feels wrong. It all just feels wrong which sucks because it was going really well. It was easy to talk about liking each other. It was easy to hold hands and just chill. It was easy to share some of my secrets with him. We agree and give the same answers to so many questions that we ask each other to get to know each other. It was easy but it just feels heavy now.

I need to talk with him and explain my situation but I have a hard time bringing up these tough conversations. Things were getting good, we were meeting each others friends and families. We were discussing hypothetical children and fake weddings. I am currently helping him situate his house and get it decorated.

If this is the end I don't want to wait forever for another guy to come along. I have been praying for years, I have gone through some pretty heavy stuff to get to this point and I was so excited that I am happy. I am the traditional kind of happy because I finally met a guy that has a ton of things in common with me and we mesh so much better than Country Boy and I did. I finally felt cherished by a human guy and I just started to understand why people act funny when they find a significant other.

Even though I don't want to wait forever for another guy, I also don't know that this is completely right. It's hard feeling like I have something that I've wanted for so long dangled in front of my face only to have it snatched right back after only a couple of weeks. It's hard to know that I will have to blindly trust the L-rd to either bring me someone else or allow me to be single for another frickin' long season of life, it feels like this is my millionth long and tough season of trusting. I'm heavy with disappointment and yet I am still talking with New Fella as if everything were okay because I haven't gotten enough courage built up to bring up the hard stuff.

Trying Something New...

If you've followed me for any length of time, you probably know that I am neurotic and really weird when it comes to dating. I wasn't planning on dating until later into my college career but my plans have changed.

I got a boyfriend today. Wow, that is weird to say.

It's my best friend from last year. He asked me out before and I just wasn't ready. I'm still not ready. However, I'm taking a leap of faith and giving into my heart for once. It may blow up in my face and then I'll be right back on here venting about how stupid I was for ever trying something like this. Maybe I'll learn a thing or two. In fact, I've already learned a bunch of stuff. I learned how to start a hard conversation and how to direct the conversation. That's huge for me because if something makes me uncomfortable (and it's not required for work or something) then I avoid it at all costs. Hard talks are one of those things because I don't want people to know the deep innards of me. That is all mine. It's even hard to go to G-d with that stuff, but He taught me how to do that.

I don't really know what G-d wanted for me with this. I don't know if He was giving me a go-ahead or if He wanted me to be strong and resist. It seems like I can't hear Him lately. I think that's because I'm listening to music constantly and unintentionally ignoring Him. Why is it so hard to focus on listening and talking to Him? I know that He is still there with me regardless of what happens, unless I remove myself from His presence and instruction, however, I also know that I haven't been working so hard to stay close with Him. This lukewarm thing is really not good because I don't know His voice anymore. I haven't heard it in months. What if me dating this boy was actually a really bad idea and I screwed up a ton of stuff? I know G-d can fix it if need be, but I don't want to go through unnecessary heart-ache and pain because that's just silly. I also know that I'm freaking out and that's making me over-think everything right now.

I prayed for faith building and to be able to hear Him last week in church. That is like praying for patience... Asking for those things is sketchy because G-d gives you a billion ways to develop that particular trait instead of just giving you the trait. Needless to say, my week has been rough and I don't know if this whole boyfriend thing is part of that or not. Scary!!!

I'm headed to church. Goodnight y'all and Shabbat Shalom!

Oh my goodness, I forgot to tell you that I'm going out to lunch with him and his mom tomorrow. I'm super nervous. I've met her before and we get along just fine but I'm really awkward and weird.

Boxers, a Chihuahua, and nearly a Birthday Suit

Oh man, I'm having such a weird week. First, I was working at my IT job earlier this week and saw this little critter run across my peripheral vision field. It turns out that someone brought their Chihuahua to school. I wasn't expecting that and got a little freaked out until I got to pet the little cutie. He was an ALS dog (not entirely certain but I think that means some kind of a service dog?) Then, a mere 5 minutes later, I found a pair of boxers in the hallway. They hadn't been there when I came in and I'm not sure how they got there but I figure somebody was likely having a bad day without them. Today I was at the campus gym, just minding my business, when the kid on the treadmill in front of my de-pantsed himself. I was certain that he had stripped down to his skin. Turns out that he just had really short shorts on. But goodness, I need a warning or something! He actually should do that in the bathroom instead of in public because I nearly freaked out. I don't want to see his Birthday Suit!

These are just a few of the oddball things that have recently occured, if I weren't so exhausted I'd probably remember more to share with you.

Tune in tomorrow to here about my first day of clinical lab! (Not clinicals, but I dressed in my whites and we are starting to learn nurse stuff!!!

Daily Thanksgiving: Although my week has been weird, it's been great. I've been able to laugh a lot off (that hasn't happened in several months) and I think I may be out of my depression valley for awhile. It's nice to come up and get some fresh air.

Strange Turn of Events

So, country boy told me he was waiting for a text from me these past few weeks, so I decided to text him first tonight. We had a really odd conversation at first, not much was said. Then, by the end of the whole thing he was asking if we could hang out again. If we do, we are going to be hanging out as pals, but I have to figure out what we are going to do. What should we do? Remember, I am BROKE beyond belief. Good news: we are in an area where fishing is a definite possibility, we have rivers to play in, we could go muddin' if it rains that day, or we could find something else to do... Bad news: it against my rules to be alone with a guy (I have been down that road and it is a bad decision every time), I don't have a fishing pole, I don't hang out outside of my house and I have no idea what I even like to do let alone what there is to do around here. Folks, I'm recruiting you for advice. I really need some input. I need something from y'all, anything. Insult me (if you have to), tell me it's a bad idea or suggest something that we could do. My dear readers, save me from myself here. Remember, I am still at an age where my pre-frontal cortex is not fully developed which means that I am bad at making decisions. So, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE, please help me.

Just got another strange text but I don't have the energy to even go on a spiel about that...

Daily Thanksgiving: My cynical day got better, then it got weirder. However, it started out really bad and got better so that's a huge bonus. I am so very grateful that today is over and tomorrow starts a new day and I can start over with a clean slate. I went to a really easy meeting at work. We talked about C. diff with our facility's pharmacist and she used a lot of microbiology and A&P terms. So, I was super stoked that I followed her whole presentation and knew the answers to all but one of her questions. Guys, I'm learning something and I see that it will actually be relevant to my career as a nurse!!! I love to learn and I get all nerdy about it so forgive that little outburst of geekiness, but learning gets me more excited than boys... that's probably a huge problem...

Failed My Test

Okay, I am not completely sure that I totally failed my chem test, but I just took it and I am 98% sure I legitimately failed the test. I did the study guide but half the stuff my teacher asked about wasn't even on the study guide!!! Why? She says everything that will be on the test will be on the study guide, but that's not the case. I miss my old teacher. She gave us huge study packets and actually talked about chemistry in a language I understood. I should have stayed with her. Also, I should have kept my original A&P Lab time because I am not pleased with my current lab instructor, who is also different than last semester. I am just regretting so many life decisions, you have no idea.

I'll keep you guys updated about my test grade, I get it back tonight or tomorrow...

On a brighter subject, I got a 97% on my English paper so that cheered me up, until I took my test. So, I was in a good mood for all of 8 hours (and I was asleep most of those 8 hours).


Why did I have to make such foolish decisions about everything in my life!?!

By the way, I called home last night because I was about to lose it. Then I let it slip that my depression is coming back and my anxiety is getting much worse. Talk about freaking your parents out! I took it back right away and told my mom I was good, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't believe me. That poor woman, and my poor dad are always having to reassure me that life is alright. I feel bad for making them worry, but it just slipped out. I need to learn how to fix my depression and anxiety so that this doesn't keep happening because right now it is so bad, I am actually physically sick. I will likely live, it's nothing big, but I get so frustrated because I cannot figure out how to control this nonsense! Then that just makes matters worse and it's a cycle that keeps getting increasingly more difficult and problematic. Maybe I have bi-polar disorder... Or maybe I'm just a hypochondriac...

Weird Week

When comparing my week with friends, we discovered that most (if not all) people I talked to had a weird week and no one can explain or understand why it seemed weird. I totally don't understand it at all. Alas, this week is over though! Please forgive me if "alas" is not the proper word there, I am trying to expand my vocabulary and cannot seem to make my new words fit into the proper places, but hey, I am trying.

Have you watched Duck Dynasty? Yes, that was a rather abrupt topic change, but I am exhausted and also made the mistake of drinking two sweet teas from Chick-fil-a. Me, the girl who can hardly handle the sugar in a sucker because it makes me hyper, had TWO sweet teas. All of that sugar is making me crazy! I bet there is caffeine in the tea too to add to my sudden odd hyperness even though I am also very sleepy and ready for bed. Anyway, back to Duck Dynasty, it is hilarious! I love the episode where Willie's daughter starts dating this new boy so the Willie and his dad or his brother take the kid hunting and try to intimidate him. I would love if my dad did that! I think it would be hilarious and it would also test the kid's motive a bit more, but it may also be considered threatening so that may not be so good. But definitely watch the show, it's good to release pent up stress hormones and laugh at these hilarious guys.

I had a great day though! We played football again and made more new friends. Then we went to Chick-fil-a, my favorite fast food place (because I do not eat much fast food) instead of the on campus cafeteria. I did not have any tests today and English went by surprisingly fast which is awesome because I love my teacher, but I get so lost in the discussions our class has that I zone out 74.3% of the time. By then, the teacher is calling on me for input and I look like a fool because I don't understand what's going on. I am a science major. I like math. I LOVE complex problems when there is a definate way to get to the solution. English is not my forte because you have to think outside the box. I don't do "outside the box" because my brain does not function that way. I am very left-brained.

Daily Thanksgiving: I am thankful for my friends, this beautiful weather that is sticking around, the weekend, a B on one of my anatomy tests, an awesome chem lab partner, Chick-fil-a, and for football. Even though I had a strange week and took three tests, I had a great time. It's that simple, I am thankful for life.

Oh, and it turns out I did get sunburned yesterday, it just didn't show up until today... I can't remember if I had already written about my sunburn because I am having a really hard time with remembering things today. I was talking with a friend during football and we were comparing our days. I asked her when she went to lunch, which she proceeded to tell me about. About 10 minutes into that conversation, we realized - at the same time - that we had gone to lunch together! I don't know what's up but it is driving me nuts because everyone I talk to is exhausted but antsy to do something, and no one can seem to remember anything today. Plus, everyone has the giggles for no reason. We will just be sitting around laughing because everyone else is laughing but no one knows what we are laughing at. Maybe we were drugged... Doubt it. But what is going on? At least it is providing a bunch of laughs in the meantime so it's not so bad.