Never thought this day would come...

No I'm not talking about getting married, having kids, or any number of "normal" things that would fit under this category. I'm talking about getting to be a mentor.

Today, I was called up by a dear family friend. We helped develop a church together, and my mom has been her hairstylist for probably over a decade. Anyway, she called today, asking me to give her daughter advice. I am so honored that she would think of me to speak into her child's life. I have had people speak into my life before and it can be powerful, either good or bad. To be asked to advise somebody's baby (okay, she's 14, but everybody is somebody's baby) is a huge responsibility. Plus, she knows just about everybody in the world because she is so kind, she could have asked anyone. Instead, she called me even though my family left the church we attended together close to 4 years ago.

This whole thing has got me thinking about what I should say to her daughter, and what I should be speaking over my friends, family, and the children I babysit. Of course, it isn't the same for everybody, but it reminds me of the song, "The Words I Would Say," by Sidewalk Prophets. It's chorus goes:

Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say


These words are so true! Folks, we need to be encouraging and lifting up our brothers and sisters in the Messiah. Speak life over each other instead of gossiping behind their back. Pray over each other so that we may be strengthened. Let's face it, life is tough. Since life is tough, we need to build each other up in all ways and cease the process of tearing others down, whether they are believers or not. Only then can we all stand strong and really reach the poor and hurting.


My challenge for you all: pray about someone in your life who may be struggling. If the L-rd lays someone on your heart, even if they normally seem happy or strong face-to-face, talk to them. Ask them if you can pray with them for anything. Encourage opening up the conversation and share your heart. Let them know of some of your struggles so that they will be comfortable opening up to you about theirs.

The lady that called me did that for me when my family lost our house. It was really rough on me. Not only had we lost our house, but we left the church we had been at for 10+ years, we were helping start a new church, and nothing was going right. One day, as we were working at the new church, she asked me how I was. I said I was doing fine. She looked into my eyes and asked me, "How are you really?" Just thinking about it makes me start to tear up and I don't cry a whole lot. Knowing that she new my struggles and knowing that she didn't want the down-pat "church" answer touched me. She could see past my business face and the strength that I hide behind to know that I was crumbling. To this day I don't think she knows how much that moment has meant to me. During that short conversation, I felt like I belonged. I have never, ever felt that way. Here I go with the waterworks... Still to this day I don't feel like I belong anywhere, but I can remember what it felt like to have a true sister in the L-rd be able to see past my facade into my world of hurt and actually care. I know people care, but they usually just take the, "I'm fine," response and go on with their business. She didn't. G-d helped to pull me through one of my bad days of depression through her and her sincerity. So, we need to do that for each other.


Stand with me and start asking people how they are doing. Don't just ask them just to receive the normal, easy response. Look at them and ask again, "How are you really doing?" It's hard to keep it from sounding like you're being sarcastic, but practice and pray about it.

Havin' Some Fun

This past week we had a guest speaker in one of my classes. She explained the history of our nursing school and showed pictures from the 40's and 50's of nursing students having so much fun. They dressed up their manikin (which is still on display at our college), they dressed up in football uniforms when they were working with the football team (which could have gotten them in tons of trouble), and they got into so many shenanigans. Looking at what we have now, we are not living up to their model of nursing school. They had a blast and right now, I am miserable. Most of my class is reporting that they are miserable. Why?

Last night I went bowling with a bunch of friends. None of them are in the nursing program, but it was good to be with my dorm friends from last year. I never realized how much I missed them. Of course, I say I miss them a bunch, but you never understand the depth of that until you are reunited. Fortunately, no body has changed over the summer. Well, some hairstyles are different, but personalities are fully intact and even magnified from last year. I think that's just because we are ridiculously comfortable with each other. I never thought I would be wishing to be back in my tiny dorm rooms, but I am.

There is a song that says you're gonna miss this when it's gone. It's totally true. There is also a Bible verse that tells us to not dwell in the past, missing what has already happened and wishing it would come back. Thus, my nostalgic moment must come to an end and I will learn to focus on today.

School is settling down for a week, but don't worry, it will get crazy again here shortly.

Daily Thanksgiving: Bowling was fun and I won up until the 6th frame. I came in second overall with no bumpers though! I was able to see some friends and blow off some steam. Today is also surprisingly productive for me and I got tons of stuff done Thursday, so I don't have any homework due, just reading.

Cookie Dough Therapy

Since starting nursing school I have gained approximately 5 lbs according to the scale yesterday when I went to donate platelets. That is really unfortunate, completely my fault, and it made me even more depressed than I already was. So, what do I do today? I ate 2 whole bagels with cream cheese and I am in the process of baking cookies. Don't worry, I already had my share of the dough, but now I'm still depressed and I'm pretty sure I'm still gaining weight even as I type this...

Today I was talking (well, I was standing there, I don't really talk) with some of the girls from the program who had been talking with their friends that are a year or two ahead of us in the program. Apparently, the first year of nursing school is the hardest. I don't know if that is supposed to give me hope, reassure me, or scare me. It mostly scares me right now, but I also hope that I can get through this semester because maybe next semester will get a little better. I doubt it though.

It scares me going back down this road because my depression is starting to flare up again. I thought about taking St. John's Wort, but I don't want to take it if it won't really help me or if it will make me "addicted" so that when I stop taking it my depression comes back even worse. Have any of you tried taking it? Does it work? Any strange side effects? I know I can research all of this online, but I don't know that I trust that. I could also go talk to a doctor, but I definitely don't want a legit prescription medication because those really will screw with my head and they are usually more expensive.

I know that depression is not from G-d and it is just me taking to heart what the Adversary is trying to whisper to me, but it's getting too much to shut it out. The past few weeks I have been so down, feeling like I can't make it through school, feeling ugly and my face is breaking out, and now gaining weight on top of that. The weight thing can be fixed with exercise and eating better (even though I already don't eat a whole lot of junk food and my portions are consistent with what is recommended on packages and through my nutrition class). I know the title is a little misleading, but I don't normally eat lots of junk food. The school thing can be solved by studying more over time, and by doing projects a few weeks in advance instead of a week or a day before they are due. I don't know how to change my feelings about my appearance. I know G-d made me, but I've ruin what He made and my face is breaking out really bad. In fact, it's never been this bad all through my teens. I'm 19 now and look like I'm just going through puberty though because those stupid little red bumps are all over my shoulders, back, and face. I don't even want to go out of the house anymore...


I heard a quote today from one of my new friends, "Life sucks and then you die." I don't think it should be this way, but right now it certainly feels like it's true. This isn't what life is supposed to be though! Our lives are for the Creator, not for ourselves. Why does it feel like such a struggle to stay afloat here on Earth?

Medical TV Shows

I follow the blog The Days When I'm Not a Nurse and she starts a blog discussion about various topics every month. This month it is about medical TV shows.

Seeing as I have watched almost everything that has anything to do with medicine since I was a ripe old age of 5, I would say that I have a little to say about the subject.

First, I would like to say that my favorites include (but are not limited to): Scrubs, House, Birth Story, Teen Mom (has little to do with medicine except for the delivery part of the show, but I like seeing the babies), Emily Owens M.D., and Mystery Diagnosis. Also, Call the Midwife is probably my favorite because it is so stinkin' cute in all ways!!!

With that said, I do find most of the shows highly unrealistic but fairly fascinating. I really like Mystery Diagnosis because it a real-life account of some House quality mysteries. I like House because he is cynical, sarcastic, and ridiculously smart. Plus, they have really cool, weird diseases/symptoms. Emily Owens is so cute and awkward that it brings me comfort because I am much like her, just less pretty. Scrubs reminds me of my dorky guy friends so that helps me with home-sickness, and one of the main characters is a NURSE! Ya, that never happens. We need more shows about nurses, folks, because they have so many funny and interesting stories. Call the Midwife, Teen Mom, and Birth Story are also so interesting to me because I am obsessed with birth, pregnancy, babies, and all related information to the labor and delivery process. I have been since before I ever started preschool and my fascination continues to grow each year.

So, we need more nursing shows that are fictional, but that bring in the hilarious encounters that nurses actually face. I have read many stories that had me bawling and hiccuping from laughing so hard. Guys, that is my favorite Saturday night entertainment. Then there are the stories of how nurses touched families and helped them through difficult times in their life. Unfortunately these stories hardly get shared even though they happen all the time. That is what nurses do and I think it would help the general population understand just a tiny bit of what nurses bear and go through for their patients.

Do you have any shows you would like to add? I'm sure I missed a bunch of shows and points. Ultimately, these shows are just for vegging, not for learning or for portraying reality. They are some of my guilty pleasures...






P.S.
        I got a 92% on my BHA test today!

Who are you?

Interesting question I get to write about for my nursing philosophy paper. Isn't it weird that it's the simple questions like "who are you?" that make you immediately hit a wall? I don't know who I am! That, my friends, is a huge problem for several reasons. Reason #1: I can't finish this paper and it's due by midnight tonight...

Overloaded = Emotional Meltdown

You know how last week was awful for me? That terribleness couldn't be fit into just one week so it is spilling out into this week as well! Joy.

Recap of last week: Patho pop quiz: 50%. BHA pop quiz: 0% (because I was late to class) then I retook it to receive a whopping 20%. Pharm Math and Foundations of Nursing went off without a hitch. Then, Pharmacology... I had to take a test in that class that got me a 76%. Finally, one last Patho quiz: 63%. I know, why did I have to take 2 Patho quizzes in one week? I have no clue! But in addition to those two "fun" quizzes, I also had an exam today. Man, this lady loves piling on all the quizzes and exams onto a weeks calendar, doesn't she? Good news about the exam, G-d gave me an 81% (higher than the class average, finally!) after only studying for about 8 hours. I was so nervous but G-d gave me an amazing grade, considering my sleep deprivation and lack of preparation, and He brought my total class grade from a D to a 79%! Hey, that's almost a B, folks, which turns out to be a really good grade from this teacher because she is tough and Patho is rough!

Today, on a totally unrelated note, I keep running into my friends from the past. I ran into one of my closest guy friends from last year. We've kept in touch so it wasn't weird to see him, it was actually nice to be able to have something be "normal" again. Then I was sitting outside when a guy from a party I went to freshman year of high school saw me and came to say hey. I didn't really know him, but we had Psych last semester. He's really nice, a pre-med student, and he lives in the town my uncle lives in (where my dad grew up). Him and the friend he was with (who I met for the first time today) both volunteer with my uncle for the volunteer fire department. It's weird when people know my family and I get referred to as, "so-and-so's niece/daughter/granddaughter/etc." Don't you feel strange when people introduce you or remember you as someone's sister/brother, daughter/son, grandkid, etc? Then, I saw one of my other guy friends from last year. We sat and talked for awhile, but I really need to work on my conversation skills. What do people ever talk about? What is the point of small talk? It seems like such a waste of time and energy...

Anyone else having meltdowns/psychotic breaks/crying fits?

Short Story

Okay, I know I'm ridiculously wordy and I think that is because I don't know what info to include in stories and what to leave out. So, I am going to try to make this a short post/story today. Ready?

My week: Pop quiz in Patho and in BHA. Got 50% on Patho pop quiz and 20% on BHA's. Pharm test and Patho quiz due today, both online. Study for 3 days. Pharm test completed with at least 6 wrong (more to be graded by prof.), lowest figured grade is C. Patho quiz = 19/30. I QUIT!!! What was I thinking?

Dansko Shoe Giveaway!

Dansko shoes are amazing. Period. If you know nurses, they likely have a pair or two. Hairdressers (my mom is one) love them, too. Really, anyone who has to be on their feet ever, should probably wear these shoes because 1) they help save your feet, legs, back, and well-being, 2) they have cute styles, 3) their warranty and customer service rock! I'm all about good customer service.

Click here and fill out the little survey. This will enter you for the chance to win a free pair of shoes that are normally very expensive, but totally worth the investment.

C'est la vie...

I woke up and the day started like a normal day for me. Got ready and was fixin' to head out the door with my brother when he realized he couldn't find his wallet. We looked around for a bit but still could not find it so we decided I should drive. At this point, we are approximately 5-10 minutes behind schedule. I drop him off and as I am driving to my part of campus, I get pulled over.

"Ma'am, do you know what the campus speed limit is?"

"No, sir, I do not"

"It's 15 and you were going 25 when I clocked you. License, registration, and proof of insurance please."

Awesome! My first speeding ticket, I'm already late, and now I can't even find the car's registration because my brother is a pack rat and puts everything in weird places. It's only 9:30 and my day already sucks!

"Ma'am, I'll let you off with a warning because we haven't had to pull you over before but just know that for going 10 mph over the speed limit, your ticket would have been $100"

"I'm so sorry officer, thank you very much"

I walk into class 15 minutes late to find that there was an unannounced quiz. I go up to talk to the teacher who just says "sorry." I got back to my seat and wait for lecture to begin while trying to hold back the tears. With me, it has to be really bad for me to start tearing up in class, but I never cry if I can help it. Fortunately, I didn't cry. All through class, my brother had been texting me. I had turned my phone on silent so I didn't hear anything at all. I check my phone over our short break and 5 new texts and a phone call all from my brother. I wanted to explain what had happened so that he would realize that his problem of having to wait 2 hours was not as bad as all of my angering tragedies, but I didn't. Instead, I stayed calm, texted him to wait until my class was over and then I would take him home. He replied snottily and I felt like going off on him, but I remained calm still.

Class is over, so I head outside. I find my brother in the backseat because he had a bad day too.  His bad day merely consisted of getting a 70% on a quiz, having to walk down to my part of campus, and then sitting in a hot car even though he definitely could have gone inside to where it is air conditioned. Guys, I STILL didn't go off on him! I calmly explained my morning: being late, getting pulled over, and getting a 0 on a quiz I didn't know we had because he would not just leave when I asked him to.

After lunch, I needed to pick up a penlight for my next class which is BHA lab. I left the house underestimating how long it would take to secure such an item. By this time I was 5 minutes late and I didn't have the parking pass that my brother and I share because I forgot it! So, I go to metered parking but I don't have any quarters. I drive around 3-4 times looking for a parking spot in the neighborhood close to the school and finally find one. A brisk walk up a large hill with flip-flops and I make it to lab sweating, out of breath, and 15 minutes late. Oy vey! I almost just didn't even go because I was so angry and frantic.

My professor for lab just happens to be the professor I have for the lecture I went to earlier in the day. She came over to me, and my heart started pumping so hard and fast. She leaned over and whispered, "You can come into my office tomorrow and retake that quiz." Let me tell you, those were such sweet words along with the cop just letting me off with a warning. I wasn't even worried about the quiz anymore, I didn't care at that point because it was already definitive for me, I missed the quiz and I'll just take a zero. I was also sure that I was going to get a ticket today. Instead, G-d had different plans for me with both of those. He gave the cop and my professor grace for me and allowed my day to be awful, but completely within His control. It was definitely a lesson in time management, anger, forgiveness, grace, and trust.

I would really like to go to bed now because I'm exhausted from having such a stressful day, but I have a million things due tomorrow so I had better get to work. C'est la vie, non? (FYI: "non" is how you spell and say "no" in French, it is pronounced just like our "no")

I'm a Traitor

I got a flu shot. I know, I'm disappointed in me too. After fighting so hard to get a CNA job that allowed the exemption, I buckled so that I wouldn't have to fight so hard through nursing school. I'm praying that nothing bad happens to me because I know that statistically, nothing bad should happen. Still, I worry about that small little list of people that are poorly affected by this stupid waste of money will have my name under it. Yes, I did say that the shot is stupid and I am very upset that I got it. Please forgive me for stepping on toes and for being ignorant, but I do not believe that this vaccine should be mandatory. I have a million reasons as to why I believe we should not be pinned down and forced to take this shot, but it won't do any good. Everyone already has their sides and I just happen to be on the side that scientists call ignorance. I accept this title, in this case, because it means that I am actually thinking for myself instead of just trusting what all the "experts" say about it. I am "ignorant" because I refuse to accept all of the biased information that they put out.

When getting the vaccine, however, I started talking to the lady that was doing all my paperwork, and she happened to be in the nursing program at another nearby college. She was asking me why I don't get it normally and I beat around the bush because I didn't know her stance. It turns out, she is against it too! Unfortunately for me, she has a medical excuse because she has someone in her house that is often hospitalized when they get any kind of infection, so she doesn't have to get the flu shot. The nurse practitioner I talked to is also against it and his wife just happens to teach at a nearby nursing school. Funny huh? I just don't understand why we let hospitals push us around. If all of the people that are against the vaccines would just stand up for what they believe in, together we could reform the healthcare system to actually help us instead of allowing them to bully us around every corner. People, why will you not just stand with me and be radical? Look who's talking though... the girl who was too lazy to fight with each of her clinical sites to be flu vaccine free. I understand vaccines save lives, they are typically safe, they have eradicated many diseases, blah, blah, blah. I am just not okay with their vaccine happy, shove it down your throat or you can't function in America as a normal part of society deal they have goin' on. I especially don't like having to get a flu shot that protects against 3-4 strains of the flu when there are hundreds or thousands constantly mutating. I know it is designed to protect against the "worst" ones predicted to hit the U.S. in any given flu season, but what is a measly 3-4 strain vaccine really going to protect you from?

Whatever, the NP was cool and the PCT (patient care tech) was cool about it. I wish I could have gotten a medical exemption signed by him, but he doesn't want to lie and I don't either. So, now I am trusting the L-rd to keep me protected from whatever toxins they had loaded up into that evil syringe, and I pray for peace because right now I am switching from pure anger to near tears every 5 minutes or so. Also (though this likely won't help much, if at all), I loaded up on vitamins, colloidal silver, and EmergenC. Yes, I am slightly scared of the symptoms that may come about. This happened with my Tdap vaccine the other day too but my mom was here so I couldn't even keep my tears at bay for very long. Why do I regress into childhood when my mom's around? I fought so hard to be an adult when I lived at home but now I get around my parents and it's like I'm 3 again. I lay with my head in her lap and I am constantly giving my parents hugs, kisses (on the cheek, of course), and acting like a little child. I need to work on that...

In the mean time, I wish I were 21 because I need a beer. I know! How dare I condone alcohol!?! Well, I don't drink underage (except for about an ounce for religious ceremonies and my parents are always there for that 1 sip), Yeshua drank wine, and I'm not planning on ever getting plastered. For some reason, however, I've been craving a beer. Why? I have no clue. I'm probably not even really craving a beer, I likely just need a stress outlet because I am way worked up. I just need G-d. He's the only One that can take away my stress, my anxiety, my unrighteous anger, my fear of life, and my worries about the future. He is the only One who holds my heart, knows all my thoughts, and can calm me down. Let me tell you, I'm struggling right now, and not even just with the flu vaccine. Life kinda is kickin' me lately and I feel very alone.

Daily Thanksgiving: Now I am able to be hired by the hospital that hired me the first time because I'm now a sell-out and caved into getting the dumb flu vaccine. I have a G-d who is bigger than the American health system, bigger than vaccines, and He created me so I know that He can protect me from anything. Today is done and tomorrow is a new day. One of the little girls that I babysit emailed me today asking when they would get to see me again. That lifted my spirit. The L-rd truly knows how to make me feel just a little bit grounded just in the nick of time.



These are my real-life, totally legit, and completely real struggles of life. This is what goes on in my brain constantly.

Marriage Study

As a follow-up to my "Personal News" post, I did a word study on marriage. Did it clarify anything about the purpose of marriage? No, not even a little bit. I have noticed, however, that G-d is bringing this topic up in all aspects of my life though. It's kinda strange, but it is also how I know that He is talking to me and He is laying it on my heart. I kinda wish I understood why I need to know so much about this subject, but that is still very unclear.

After independent study and a few Google searches, I have arrived at the point that marriage mainly does 3 things:

1. Provides community (more stable environment for child rearing, friendship, strength, love*, etc)
2. Allows for safe procreation (because who doesn't want little mini-me's running around? Having kids is like doing experiments to see what characteristics of each parent they get! I know that sounds bad, but I hope you admit that it is pretty cool seeing this thing grow in you/your wife and then you get to meet the kid and watch them grow up...)
3. It is a metaphor of Yeshua's love for His people (Jews and Gentiles alike who trust in Him)

Why? I still do not know and I likely will never fully understand. Unfortunately, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if it is right for me. I don't know that I am stable enough to be in a relationship or if I could weather life with another person. How do I know if the guy that dates me fore years and then proposes is the right person for me? Will there be regrets? Will we drive each other up the wall for the first few years or will we be that couple that is in Honeymoon phase for the first decade. Will I survive if he dies first? How will marriage affect my career? If I get married out of nursing school, should I go straight into midwifery school or should I wait and get settled as a nurse in case we have children? If I do wait on becoming a CNM, when would be the best time to go back to school? Where will we live? Will my parents be able to live long enough to see their grandkids? Will my puppy be able to meet them? (She is my current baby, but she's close to 8 or 9 right now...) Where will we live? Should we move to a state that does not require the stupid flu vaccine? Should we move to another country that is more CNM friendly? Ahhhhh! What does the future hold?

Forgive the minor meltdown there, live just isn't what I thought it would be. Do you ever have that experience? You know, something that you thought would be so cool isn't actually all that you thought it would be? I think I am doing that with marriage. I know that was the truth for getting into nursing school, getting my first car, buying my own computer, having a boy like me for the first time, etc. etc. etc. Nothing makes me as happy as I think it is going to make me. On the other hand, the only thing that truly makes me happy is G-d and then He makes me more happy than I ever expected. It makes me wish that I never would have watched t.v. ever, because then I would be able to experience life for myself without having these preconceived notions that something will be so great when it actually isn't in real life.

So, will I have regrets when I get married because I am thinking marriage will be some great thing? I'm not making it out to be a Cinderella story. Let's be real, that's not even my cup of tea. But will I be disappointed with what married life really is? I just want a friend that will be with me for a really long time. Lately, I have seen too many marriages end after 10-25 years because one spouse starts cheating, or they are abusive to the other, or someone's midlife crisis just gets control of them so they split. Will that be my story? Will I have to bear that burden? Would I even be able to survive?

Marriage is so much more than what they show in the movies and on t.v. I'm not even married and I am skeptical that it is something that I would be strong enough to do. Is this G-d telling me that I will never be married or is this Him getting me ready for the harsh reality that marriage is not all fun and games?
 

Tech Support, this is BedpanAlley...

I got to work in one of our academic buildings today after my shift in the library because someone was sick. Guys, I LOVED it! Let's start off by mentioning that I opened as IT support in the library this morning. We had a power surge a few hours after opening and that causes a surprising amount of problems for computers and technology campus-wide. In the library I had a lot of trouble shooting and I thought I broke one of the printers that cost a billion dollars (I'm exaggerating here). It turns out that I didn't, it just needed to be shown who is boss. Well, I just restarted it... After that shift, I went over to our main IT help desk in one of the nearby academic buildings. They were still fixing a lot of problems by the time I left at 4:30 p.m. However, I learned a ton and I got a walkie talkie over there. I missed having a radio from my cashiering job, they really are fun and convenient.

So, my day went really well and I like my boss even more because every time I would ask a question over the radio, he would meet me there without even asking for his help just to make sure that I had help should I need it. He is super nice, nicer than any of my bosses from any previous job. Well, that's not counting the lady I babysit for, or any of the families I have babysat for really because I love them all like they were my own family. I hope I get more training in that IT position so that I can be there next semester. That's how they usually do it, but I just get so excited for it to actually come and I get so excited to learn all this new, great stuff. After days like today, I feel so much smarter but I also realize how much I didn't know and how much there still is to learn. Perhaps someday I can be one of the student managers. Until then, I am content working in the slow-paced library and learning little baby bits over time because if I had many more days like today, my brain may explode from the huge increase in knowledge from class and from work!

That brings me to something I discovered today: I am really strange to those just getting to know me. I had heard it before but never understood the magnitude of my strangeness before today. My boss' wife is a NICU nurse at a local hospital that I had a CNA position offer for so he knows some of the nursing stuff, not much, but a little I think. He asked me how classes were and, being the crazy person that I am, I started telling him about how much fun I had reconstituting the fake powdered medicine in one of my classes and also went on about how I love playing with needles and vials of "medicine." My coworker was also in on the conversation and those two guys just smiled and looked at me like I needed to be locked up and given huge amounts of crazy pills. Maybe it's because my face lights up and I start talking really fast because I'm excited about it, or maybe it's the fact that I told them I love playing with needles. I don't know. I do know, however, that I get this look a lot. I can't help it that I share stuff that excited me about school and I want people to share what they are excited about too. I love when things finally pertain to my career choice and I think it's neat that I can love going to class because of the little things like this that make my week. Perhaps I do need to keep the fact that I love needles on the DL, but for right now, I just can't manage keeping that inside. I bet telling them that I get my blood drawn just to watch the needle go into my arm and to see the blood that used to be inside of me was most likely a tad much. But hey, at least I'm genuine, honest, and excited to be going into nursing. I don't want to be a nurse for the money, 3 work days a week, or for the ability to travel the country for a huge increase in pay. No, I want to be a nurse to care for the sick, injured, and dying in order to help them through this stage in their life with as much dignity and comfort as possible. I want to be a way for G-d's healing and love to reach those who are hurting and in need.

Daily Thanksgiving: I got training for one of the higher IT level positions. I learned a ton and had really nice teachers that called me for help and were patient when I didn't know what to do. I was paired with an amazing student manager who is a great teacher and explained everything with great amounts of grace and patience. (Are you noticing a pattern with the patience?) G-d revealed to me that I am crazy, but it's a good kind of crazy that will give me the purpose I need to continue on as a nurse. I have amazing bosses at my new IT job! That's a big one with me. My mom is also coming down tomorrow for a quick little visit before I go to my doctor's appointment tomorrow (more on that later.) We are getting so much rain here it's not even funny. I love the rain though! However, we had several fires this year and a few last year which is causing a lot of problems now that it is raining. So, if we could get prayer that no more people be killed and that no damage is done to the houses in the burn scars, that would be great!




BTW, the title is how we answer the phone. I know I wouldn't have known that so I'm just trying to help you guys out. :)

Personal News

Just a warning: This post will likely sound ridiculous to all that read it, including myself, because I continue to waffle about everything in life. This is a post venting my frustration and stupid desires that seem to be surfacing currently in my life. Do not read any farther if you cannot tolerate random girl thought processes.





I have been having a tough time with boys lately. I finally see them as cute/attractive/etc and now I am stuck in a completely female school (well, we have 1 guy in the program, but he's married and not my type.) Whoa, guys, I have a "type," that's new. The waffeling comes in because I want a boyfriend, but I know that it would not be a sound decision to get one right now because I have to focus on school and I'm not ready to get married. Plus, in order to get a boyfriend, you have to have a guy interested in you... Currently, I have no potential suitors interested in me so it's not even a possibility anyway. This bugs me though because I want something that I don't understand. I know I have had this rant a million times in the few months I have had this blog, but I still don't understand the "why" behind marriage. Since I don't why marriage is even a thing, there seems to be no purpose behind dating because you date to get married. If there is no point to marriage then there is no point in dating. Okay, basics are covered. I mainly go over these points because I just need to talk the whole thing out from the very beginning and the basics. My sudden desire to be dating may be caused by the fact that I've started listening to country music even though I know I shouldn't. I do because my brother plays it in his car and we carpool, but I ignore the impulse to change it because I like it. It's like when you know you shouldn't do something, but you figure it's okay if someone else is doing it and you're just present. Actually, that's exactly what this is. I have also started going to church.

The back story behind my want of a boyfriend and how it is associated with church takes us back a few years ago. My mom was talking to my brother and I about crushes/dating/marriage/etc. She predicted that I would likely meet my husband at church (or congregation) because G-d is so important to me. She predicted where she thought my brother would meet his wife, but I forget. Anywho, I quickly dismissed the idea, even though I had a crush on the pastor's son at the time, and we changed the subject. Years later, that thought suddenly pops into my head again when a boy from congregation started being sweet to me. Now, I can't go to a church without hoping that maybe, someday, I will get a boyfriend/husband from church. Ugh! This is so annoying to not be able to focus at church because I have a thought planted in my head.

What is the point of marriage? From the few verses that I have kinda remembered about marriage, it was created to prevent us from sinning. It brings about children, partnership, stability, strength, community, loyalty, trust, and glory for G-d.  But what is the purpose? What was it really created for? What is the point?

Marriage is not something that comes with us into life after death. It was meant for earth and that is it. We came into this world naked and alone. We will leave this earth naked and alone. Even when a spouse is found, that bond is not permanent. In fact, legally, marriage is kinda easy to dissolve or break. Marriage of the heart that occurs from the vulnerabilities it takes to be married in the first place is a totally different story. I don't think anyone ever fully gets over true marriage of the heart once the legality of marriage is no more. Knowing me, I have to explain that with hormones associated with bonding, sex, etc. Other people might argue that it's just getting used to having someone there for you and then they leave. I think it's both but I always lean highly towards the physical things that are more able to be proven with tests and "factual" explanations instead of feelings and such.

Marriage to bring about children makes sense to a point. G-d says that sex outside of marriage is not so good. Again, I believe that is because He understood the hormones that He put in all of us and He wants to protect us from unnecessary pain and heartache. However, there is not a switch in people that flips to allow them to have children once they are married. By this I mean that ladies can become pregnant outside of marriage and guys can sire offspring outside of wedlock. So, to have children inside of the covenant of marriage just provides more stability for them and probably a few other perks.

Many people describe marriage as a life-time, permanent friendship. This certainly makes sense and allows for companionship, partnership, strength, community, trust, and loyalty. But, you can have all of these things with friends that you do not exclusively tie yourself to for a long-term stretch of time. You can have a best friend that you meet when you are 4 who stays with you until you last day at the ripe age of 119. Did you need to be married if that friendship was true, strong, and stable? Absolutely not. Why? Simply because you guys worked to make sure that you both stayed by each other's side.

G-d describes His love for His like a bride-groom loves his bride. Glory be to G-d because He forgives us, His people, and is continually trying to show us His love. If we did not have the example of marriage in this life, would we understand His analogy? Probably not. Still, that does not answer the question of the purpose of marriage.





So, what is the point of getting hitched? Why do people tie the knot? What is the purpose of matrimony?




I seemed to get so off topic but maybe if I could understand the meaning behind the desire to have a boyfriend and get married I could prevent the wedding cycle. Maybe I would be able to focus on G-d, school, and life as a single baby adult. Perhaps I would be able to find joy in just being in the here and now instead of wanting some silly thing that may or may not happen. That way, I would not be let down when it isn't as great as I was thinking it should be.

I really need to get out of my head. All I do in there is question the meaning of everything. Have I found answers for my questions of everything? Not really. Unfortunately, not understanding things really bugs me but there is no real way to have answers to the questions I ask.

Syringes!!!

Guys, we got to play with syringes and injections today!!! Oh man, you have no idea how excited I am especially because we didn't even know that we would get to do that today. We didn't really get to give any injections, we just practiced reconstituting a powdered injection. I worked with my 2 best gals who will be named N and E for now. E was one of the pre-nursing students that I met last year because they lived in the dorm room next to my guy friends. N is a girl that I met the first day of class and the three of us just kinda stick together now, it's perfect! I just wish N was in our lab group for BHA, but she is in the same lab room at the same time so I'm sure we can all work together anyway.

Back to the subject: they were trying to get the liquid out of one vial to put it into the vial containing the powdered "medicine" (it was fake just to help us practice) but they didn't know how to get the liquid out because you can't just pull it out with the syringe due to the lack of pressure because the vial is completely sealed. Long story short, I talked them through putting air into the syringe and then into the vial to get the liquid moved. Then, I talked them through the safety cap when they handed me the original cap. I proceeded to explain why you don't put the original cap on and 30 seconds later the teacher explained it to the class (he hadn't heard me). They both looked at me and started laughing because I knew all this stuff. Folks, I felt so smart being able to talk them through that simple little task. With this fun little exercise and actually beginning assessment lab yesterday, I am on cloud 9 right now with nursing school and as the knowledge increases, I get more and more excited for what comes next. I know it gets harder, but it will get more fun and exciting too.

I hope you guys like getting the updates about all of these silly little things that happen during nursing school because I looked through so many blogs looking for info like this but I didn't find anything. I know I am not so great at telling stories, but hey, it just reinforces that I need to be a nurse and not a writer, right? Give me feedback please about if you like what I'm writing or if you want me to go over other things. I appreciate any help anyone is willing to give me. :)

Nursing School is Finally Starting to Sink in!!!

Today was the first day of Basic Health Assessment lab. Let me tell you, I am finally starting to realize that I am in nursing school. The first two weeks was all talk and it makes it seem like I'm in the wrong career path. Finally having BHA lab for the first time, though, has reassured me that this occupation suits me. We learned all about stuff I had already learned in CNA school and what I had learned at the medical clinic I volunteer at, so it wasn't a whole lot of new info and it wasn't particularly exciting. That is okay by me, though, because it just makes school that much easier right now. Anywho, I am starting to do nursing stuff and we are learning assessment. CNA's don't do assessment which means that I am finally breaking free from being "just an aide."

Now, let's talk about that. I have heard so many people refer to nurses as "just a nurse." Even more people refer to aides as "just an aide." I have even caught myself doing it when I am talking about my own career or when someone asks me if I'm a nurse, I respond: "No, I'm just an aide." Folks, this should not be. My CNA schooling was only a month long course, but in that month I learned so much! I learned (and continue to learn) even more every day. Plus, I deal with the poop, pee, vomit, behaviors, punching, yelling, screaming, biting, scratching, and torture that is the care role of a Nurse Aide. Don't get me wrong, I do love the people I care for, but being a CNA is not even a little bit easy, especially in a nursing home where you are paid significantly less than you would be in a hospital setting. So to be referring to any aide as "just a CNA," is not giving our job and our title justice. How much more truth is there to saying that about an actual RN? Nursing school is BRUTAL!!! Learning how to be a nurse after graduation can be just as bad if not worse. Therefore, please work with me to stop ourselves from referring to ourselves or any other nurses as "just a nurse." We don't say, "he's just an engineer" or "they're just a dentist" or "she's just a lawyer," so why should we say "they're just a nurse?" (I was not trying to attach a specific gender to any particular occupation, I apologize if I sounded like ladies cannot be engineers or guys cannot be lawyers, that was not my intention.)

Off to do my homework: completing an assessment at home... My poor brother gets to be assessed every week, but he's a good guinea pig.

Daily Thanksgiving: My BHA and Foundations of Nursing teachers (same lady) is so adorable, funny, and kind. Also, I was able to make it into her BHA lab instead of having a different instructor for lab! She is allowing us to take open book tests online too!!! Ya, that took away a ton of stress (I dislike tests, I'm not so good at them.) Today is over and tomorrow I have 2 simple classes. The third week of school is blowing by! If only the bad stuff could always go by this quickly but the fun stuff could slow down so I can savor it... G-d has showed me 2 churches to go to and I am going to start the 2nd church this week. It is a college group and so I hope it is talking about deeper stuff that is more relevant to us instead of the typical, simpler Sunday morning messages I keep getting (I go Saturday nights but it's the same message.)

So true!

I ain't bashing other professions (everybody works hard for their money), I just thought the description of my job and future nurse work was spot on!


Also, I found a blog with a cute post of 10 nursing diagnosis for student nurses. Read it if you get a chance. All of them are so true and it's only my 3rd week of nursing school... The only thing that is not correct for me is anything about coffee. I don't drink coffee, but I may be picking up that habit somewhere down the road when schooling gets crazier.

Studying Abroad?

I recently received an email from my university offering a get-together for those students who want to study abroad. I never thought of myself as someone who wanted to go see the world because I am much too scared of people/travel/kidnappers/murderers/life, but lately I have been wanting to move to Switzerland, New Zealand, Australia, Ireland, Iceland, or some other country once I graduate nursing school, of course. Being a midwife in another country appeals to me because there are so many places that are pro-midwife and don't require stupid immunizations. Now, I know there is a big push for immunizations because they stop disease and prevent unnecessary death and everything, but I don't agree with it being mandatory for everyone. I really don't agree with the preservatives, ingredients, and the excessive amounts of vaccines they are shoving down our throats. I want to go somewhere where the citizens are wanting to live healthier lives, they are encouraged to take health into their own hands using homeopathic remedies instead of chemicals for every sniffle and spot they find whether it is harmful or not. I want to deliver babies in a fashion that resembles the beauty of the old-school method that doesn't require a C-Section or doctors bullying their patients into drugs and surgeries for normal labor and delivery. I need an island by myself because this dream I have is likely unrealistic and I don't know what I'm thinking...

Anyway, I would really love to study in Ireland, New Zealand, Switzerland, or Israel for a summer. Unfortunately, they have no nursing studies, but I could try to go under pre-health and get an internship somewhere. Also, there are no available studies in Israel that I could find! They weren't even on the list, but Hebrew and Jewish studies were on the list. Maybe I will just have to go there on a missions trip instead. The bigger problem with this whole idea) bigger than my fear of everything) is the lack of funding. Not only do I have to find enough money to go on the trip and pay for all related expenses to that, I would need to save up enough money for double my trip time for bills back at home and missed work days. That, my friends, is something they don't tell you you have to save for with these things. So, it possible doubles my fundraising needs just to go somewhere else to attend school for a month. Good news is that it would be about 7-9 credits for 4-6 weeks of school. Is that worth it though? I can take 2 of the week-long interim classes and receive 6 credits for cheaper expenses and less risk of getting kidnapped in a strange country... However, I don't get to see the world. Do I really even want to see the world? My whole thing with traveling is this: Why spend thousands of dollars to go somewhere in the world to look at a tower, temple, museum, etc. when there are pictures and virtual tours? If I go on vacation or travel, I want to go somewhere with a beach; really tasty, kosher, lactose-free food; and super nice people that, at the very least, understand/speak basic English or will teach me their language. I need the traveling to/from that location to be safe and I actually need a really strong, tall, protective husband before I am even comfortable going anywhere else in the world. I saw Taken, and let's be real, I won't survive if I get kidnapped, I'm not strong enough.

School is overwhelming. Pharmacology is kicking my bum and I'm only on the second week of it. However, I believe that G-d will get me through so that I never have to take it again, so long as I work hard and trust Him to fill in all my gaps.

Daily Thanksgiving: work went really well today and I got to answer a lot of questions. It was a slight confidence boost for my IT job. I get to go to church tomorrow night at a college group which I am super excited about. G-d may allow me to study abroad, which would be really fun and exciting and totally out of my norm.

Bad Attention

Living in an apartment is a totally different experience than living in the dorms where most people are under the drinking age. Now, I'm not saying that just because those people are under-age meant that they weren't drinking, it just meant that they couldn't be as open about it as they can in apartments. I bring this up because there are some guys across our little lawn-like thing between the apartment buildings who were drunk and standing on their patio. The before mentioned patio over looks my kitchen window where I was doing dishes. They started calling out, "Hey girl!" and simple stuff like that for a few seconds before I walked away from the window to keep from laughing. I do not want this type of attention, especially because they were drunk (so bad I can smell them from 20 feet away if the wind blows just right) and they may not be guys of good moral standing if they are calling out to strange girls in the first place. I don't know them and I cannot judge their hearts, G-d has to do that, but it is not proper attention to be paying to a lady like myself.

Ladies, if a guy makes you feel beautiful, intelligent, and truly loved, pray about allowing G-d to reveal his true heart to you. If they only make you feel pretty because you are wearing skimpy clothes that are barely more than underwear, they don't allow you to exercise your G-d given brain, and they show you "love" by sleeping with you, then let me just suggest that you have a real heart-to-heart with G-d because that is not a man of integrity. They should not be whistling to girls walking by, checkin' them out, flirting, or focusing on other girls because that is a tell-tale sign of not such good things to come. He should be focused on getting to know you, understanding what you like/don't like, how to make you happy, sharing his life stories and preferences, and making sure that you are safe and that you both remain pure (in both mind and body). You should feel beautiful because G-d created you beautifully and wonderfully, not just because some guy says you're pretty. You should feel beautiful and not ashamed or cheap. Trust me, I have felt pretty because some boy was tellin' me I was and he complimented me in ways that made me so ashamed! You should not feel embarrassed, cheap, or sleazy in your relationship, if you do then there is something wrong and that needs to be addressed ASAP! He should compliment you like milk compliments cookies. He should admire who G-d created you to be including your passions, intelligence, personality, and everything. You likely won't agree on everything and there will be some things that you just don't understand about each other, but that's life. Make sure to live purely, righteously, and to walk in grace because we all fall short of the glory of G-d, but He is gracious and merciful.

Be Women/Men of Integrity

I recently read a blog post from a mom who was going on about young ladies posting inappropriate things on Facebook and YouTube. I encourage you to read it here. I love her explaining her reasons why she blocks certain people and why it is inappropriate to post half-naked pictures on Facebook. In order to help everyone remain pure in heart and mind, we all have to work together. Just trust me and read this post, she inspires me to parent like her.

Disclaimer: I'm not blaming girls for posting improper pictures and I'm not blaming boys for looking/encouraging said pictures. I think both genders have something to do with the whole problem but we can all work for fix it and to encourage purity.

Labor Day Weekend

Did you do anything fun for the extended weekend? Our university gave us Monday and Tuesday off so we (my brother and I) went home to see our parents. They surprised us with futons! Normally we had been crashing on the couch because we took our beds with us to furnish our apartment. However, they wanted us to be comfortable so they saved up and bought us futons, blankets, pillows, sheets, and everything so that we would be more comfortable. It was so sweet but I feel bad that they keep buying us so much stuff. My parents are always sending us money in the mail, buying us things for the apartment, coming down to buy our groceries, giving us gas money, etc. I know that they care for us and they just want us to not have to stress but I know that they don't really have the money to be able to do that all the time either. Still, they give us what they can even though they raised us not expecting help so we are fine without it. Maybe someday I will understand why they do it. They say that they feel bad that they can't pay for all of our college and bills but I don't think that they should have to. This is what being an adult is about. We have to learn to stand on our two feet, fight for what we believe in, and learn to live within our means so that we can invest in our education/future.



Another one of my friends got married...



Work wasn't so bad but I desperately need a new job. Something that allows me to think like a nurse. Maybe something that doesn't require me to only wipe butts...



I went to church again. That makes 2 weeks in a row!



I have to go study. TTFN (tata for now; Yes, that is from Tigger).